| FIRST ANNUAL SBL SCRUM TOURNAMENT AUGUST 15, 2004 THE ASPHALT AT ASS CLOWN OUTDOOR ARENA PARTICIPANTS: NATE TOMKO, SJ2B JON OLSAVSKY, SJ2B* BILLY WEISBERG, SHORT BUS SETH SALCEDO, H.DADDY** MATT MCCLELLAND, SJ2B* PAT LACKEY, D.PUNCH*** DANK ELLY, XDX BIG RANDO KNIGHT, PJL *- wild cards **- injury replacement for brandon mckendry ***- replacement for kurt rodemoyer being a pussy ass bitch ROUND 1: MCCLELLAND DEFEATED LACKEY the outgunned lackey gave it his all, but was quickly and difinitively beaten and humped by mcclelland. it's a shame k-unit bitched out. i would have liked to see mcclelland work a little more. OLSAVSKY DEFEATED SALCEDO olsavsky was confident going in, and had good reason to be. the young salcedo is more talk than action, but almost pulled off an upset by bouncing up quickly after olsavsky gently deposited him in the backyard, outrunning jon to the ball, and almost pulling off a between the legs move for the second time that day. once jon got his head into it, it became a squash. DANK DEFEATED WEISBERG in what many considered the best scrum of the tournament, the two quickest competitors in the contest had an energy-draining 10-second flurry. dank got the uppoer hand by bouncing weisberg off the fence before scooping up the ball and sidestepping the charging jew before skipping across the line. TOMKO DEFEATED KNIGHT in a battle of the two sbl superstars who've met the most in the scrum arena, tomko once again got the better of the injured, but valient knight, who refused to givew up after being choked within an inch of his life. ROUND 2: MCCLELLAND DEFEATED OLSAVSKY in a battle of bluff teammates and wildcard entries, olsavsky made the fatal mistake of not getting to the ball first. once the big man got to the rock, he was able to drag olsavsky across the finish line, tho jon put up quite a fight, forcing mcclelland to dive to notch the win. TOMKO DEFEATED DANK in the quickest scrum of the contest, tomko beat the lightining quick smoker to the ball, then used a series of stiff arms to put dank on the ground and cross the finish line withing 8 seconds. SCRUM CHAMPIONSHIP: TOMKO DEFEATED MCCLELLAND after lining up alongside each other for many of their scrums during the 04 season, fellow double bluffs matt mcclelland and nate tomko put on an epic, if not bloody battle for nearly a minute and a half before tomko was able to cross the line. nate reached the ball first, but was sent to the pavement as he attempted to spin out of big mac's grasp. the two wrestled around on the bone-crunching surface as the ball rolled out of reach of both competitiors, with the big man getting the better of tomko, grinding both his elbows and knees into hamburger. mcclelland, at the urging of the crowd, went for the the hump, but was dragged off by his eyeballs (yes, his eyeballs) then had his mug driven into the concrete by tomko's knee. after locating the pill, tomko scooped it up and used one last burst of speed to bounce past mcclelland and to the finish line. SCRUM TOURNAMENT CHAMPION: NATE TOMKO, SERBIAN JEW DOUBLE BLUFFS BACK |