| 2006 TEAM-BY-TEAM DRAFT RECAP AND GRADES |
| TEAM WET DREAM predraft: it was really never in doubt that katie kelly was going to take boyfriend terry shernisky and bff aryn christman predraft, and nobody could blame her for doing so. reigning rookie of the year (and player of the year runner-up) shernisky may well be the best player in the league, and if he is, he's certainly on a team where he can attempt to wrestle that title away from nate tomko and the rest of the elites vying for it. sherry has a rare combination: shelley's shooting with biddle's glasswork and mentrek's loveable, slightly goofy personality. christman, meanwhile, narrowly missed out on her first all-star appearance last year, and almost certainly would have made the cut had she played a few more games. she's a terrific hitter (.584 average, #10 in the sbl last year) and above average defender (8 d.p.'s, tops in the league for any female and better than more guys than i care to admit). combined with katie kelly's ridiculous on base percentage (third in the sbl in average last year), this team is going to score runs at a frantic pace. in fact, they may find themselves chasing the magic number of 344 put up by the double bluffs in 2004. if all three finish in the top five in batting average, as i expect them to, 345 is not out of the question. the only real weakness i could find in this team offensively was homerun shooting. neither aryn or katie seem comfortable outside the triple stripe, and sherry never really seemed like the dominant homerun hitter he could have been, even on a team like the weenises last season where the occasional longball would have worked wonders. at any rate, that problem quickly came to a screaching halt when team wet dream acquired the human homerun launcher lee nespor. it's very possible nespor drives in 100 this season, even if his batting average continues to hover around the .250 mark. pick 6: because katie couldn't make it, lee had to once again take over drafting duties for his team. the first-round selection of jason biddle is interesting, considering jabidd lives in boston and shan't be around for nary a week, but when you're first four is loaded you can piss around a few picks. still plenty of good, more reliable players on the board at this point, and katie is on her way back from the 'burgh. pick 9: elysa farrell would give this team a fourth ridiculous batting average. however, nobody on this team has any connection to her whatsoever, making her a really good, totally invaluable asset. ben elliott called her on a weekly basis last year and she showed up what, three times? what makes you think she'll come without the call to play for random people? alright, guys, time to maybe start thinking about drafting someone to actually help the team. pick 20: ah, finally. like a lee nespor with more talent, longball mckendry finally comes off the board. while his reliability is shaky, the first good pick for the scrum-lacking, no bench wet dream. good job, lee! pick 23: heather kendall will finally give this squad some connection with the weekly post-sbl fires at the 960. good pick for the finally at the draft katie kelly, as no team wants to be unrepresented at the fires where so much drunken wheeling and dealing goes down. pick 34: blaze knight, cause girls love babies. \ GRADE: C+ please keep in mind the c- is not the overall grade for the team, but how i thought the whole team making process went down. obviously, this team is going to win. when the preseason predicitons come out, you'll see they're the concensus faves, but they could have done this whole thing a little prettier. first off, team wet dream would have been team bloody nightmare had katie gotten her way with any of her original 4th players; jeff knight, dank elly, big rando, etc. the sbl had to practically force lee onto her just to keep her team from getting stacked. then, mainly because lee was obviously not prepared to draft a team (hey, he didn't know, he didn't do homework. not his fault) he fell flat on his first two picks, mainly because nobody on the team has any way of contacting them. and trust me, nobody's gonna be chomping at the bit to aid the best team around by making a phone call to elysa. luckily, the b.mac and heather kendall picks saved this draft, and possibly the team. what good are 4 excellent offensive players if they al get broken in week one scrums? the major downside for wet dream? i feel bad for shernisky down low. try as they may, katie and aryn are gonna ave their hands full inside. the one thing that may save teams against these guys are second chance runs. this team needed another defender. |
| THE FRANKENBITCHES predraft: it's a shame that every year we have a captain or so with virtually no desire to do any work. this year, the frankovitch brothers are those captains. after the banning of jeff knight, mike frankovitch was pumped to take over his team for jeff, promising to be at the draft. bryan, meanwhile, had informed the sbl offices he wouldn't be able to attend, but not to worry, he would make sure someone from his team was there. naturally, neither team had a representative, forcing the sbl to do the only sane thing: combine the teams and pick for them!!! it was decided mike's team would be disbanded, forcing brandon mckendry and dank elly back into the talent pool. mike and bryan were then named co-captains of their squad, and were given the rights to the players already on bryan's previous team. bryan frank is consistently one of the best players in the league. his 30 homers last season normally would have been tops in the league, and he finished in the top 10 in every major stat category. while he can be knocked for his inability to win when it matters, one cannot avoid but mention his name with the sbl's best. mike, meanwhile, put on an impressive display during his rookie year, and would have finished third in the voting if it hadn't been for the utter domination of the top two rooks. he's an all-around nice guy who brings a solid game to the court, and should only improve if he doesn't get killed in a scrum. jon olsavsky, a 6 year all-star and hall of famer, brings the only real reliability to this squad. still one of the best around, jon can hit any of the 13 shots and bang inside with the biggest in the league. a true value for a team which will most certainly piss him off to the point he gets traded to someone else. greg lackey, the league's most improved player this past season, would round out the top four if it weren't for the fact that dennis lackey will be challenging him for the coveted 4th slot all season. while greg became the premiere hitter of the two last year, dennis is still mr. psyche out in the sbl, and is the only of the brothers ever to be named a player of the year finalist. it should be intriguing to see how things turn out here. all in all, it probably benefitted the frankoviches not to show up at the draft. not only did two strong teams combine into one, but as the draft progresses, you'll see that the sbl board did a nice job of rounding out the roster. pick 7: was removed from the team because they already had five players. pick 8: steve condo, armed forces specialist extraordinaire and human punching bag, became the frankenbitches offical first pick. if the army releases him for a weekend or so, condo will be around. if he is around, he'll talk some shit, make one shot out of every 5, and think he's real sexy. pick 21: once again, lenny crist will combine his psyche-out talents with dennis lackey, creating the funniest defensive tandem in the sbl. the only question is lenny's reliability after no-showing for the final 5 weeks of last season, as well as his ability to play offense well enough to get on the court to let his abilities shine on defense. hopefully on this team, which could well be 2006's pj&l, lenny will feel at home. pick 22: dan elavsky, or d-bone if you will, shares a house with nate, billy and rando. he'll be there often. but how's that shot? i shudder to think. pick 35: mr. irrelevant this season is sean hood, one time sbl superstar who has fallen off the face of the earth figuratively, and become half the man he once was literally. apparantly, hood lost the desire to come to basketball, then 100lbs, and nobody has seen him since. maybe he's standing sideways? GRADE: F how can you give anything but to a combined set of teams who totaled zero out of seven people at the draft? |