| 2006 TEAM-BY-TEAM DRAFT RECAP AND GRADES |
| LIVE SEX CELEBRATION predraft: reigning player of the year nate tomko seemed to have everything falling into place as the predraft phase commenced. hall of famer shelley goodpastor had signed on to join his squad, one again reforming the one-two punch that has defined baseketball over the past five seasons. in their three sasons together, tomko and goodpastor had won three sbl regular-season titles and two sbl world championships. with shelley leading off and tomko batting behind her, it seemed impossible for live sex celebration to score less than 12 runs a game, regardless of who, or if anyone, was batting after them. ben elliott, an all-star last season as captain of analisa goodthing, joined on as LSC's third player, adding a bit of height and some solid defense to a team who seemingly had their offense on track. and just to be safe, they included kip corbett, another talented, if inconsistent, player heavy on the D and iffy on the O. had this team started the season in this manner, they would have been a near consensus pick to win it all, probably giving a few votes only to team wet dream. however, the fairy tale failed to come true for nate, as shelley learned she'd be taking an internship in ft. lauderdale over the summer, not knowing whether she'd be there for the beginning or end of the season, or if at all. with just three solid starters left on their once promising team, and desperatley in need of the offense which had slipped away, live sex celebration went into the draft with a lot of work to do. pick 3: jamie moroco's on again-off again internship over the summer is currently off-again, meaning she may actually be around this year. LSC felt that was enough to make her their second pick, apparantly figuring either shelley's or jamie's summer work schedule would fall in their favor. while few would put jamie in shelley's category in terms of hitting ability, she should be able to fill in nicely. given the still explosive power of the lineup behind her, moroco may be able ot find it in herself to return to previous form, when she was once considered the best leadoff hitter in the game. pick 12: andy esenwien, who once looked to be the next big thing in the shenangahela, was selected at #12 by a team seeking just the offense he could provide at just the time he could provide it. with ben elliott heading to germany early in the season, tomko will be looking for esenwein to do exactly what he did last season as a fupalooter: play like a man possessed over the first few weeks before leaving for the army. should the army find out what we have known all along- that andy is a fag- then just maybe LSC will be lucky enough to win his services for the year. pick 17: ted's sister had to go eventually, right? pick 26: tomko has brought some of the biggest names into the sbl as rookies, from goodpastor to tarkanick, and this may just be his next big find. amanda tompkins, already familiar with the sbl thru ben smith and he sporting of an official pj & the ladies jersey at a recent alcohol olympiad, looks pretty athletic and seems to know what a basketball is. so she has that going for her. pick 31: ted e. ballgame joins his sister on live sex celebration in what may be his final farewell. now living in the washington, pa area, ted is questionable to show up this year. but something in my guy tells me he'll be around just enough to make a run at shelley's nine homer/game record. one of the true giants of the league, ted is a welcome addition to any team he's not captaining. GRADE: C- in all honestly, after the second round, this draft went downhill fast. tomko and company, already at a disadvantage, needed a huge draft. it looked to be going that way with the selections of moroco and esenwein, but why in the name of god was ted's sister selected at 17 with dank elly and brandon mckendry on the board? tompkins was a nice pickup, there wasn't much else out there when she was taken, and you can't argue with a former all-star at pick #31, but jesus. ted's sister at 17... didn't i have a lot to say about that before? anyway, i'm still not sold on this teams offense. jamie is really going to need to step it up sans shelley, and if she can't, this team doesn't have anything resembling a leadoff hitter. as for defense, they shouldn't have any trouble. in fact, this may be the best defensive team in the game depending on how dominant jon biddle decides to be. |
| CASHDOLLAR AND ASSOCIATES predraft: danielle hennon, after her breakout season in 2005 (amazing what playing in 32 games can do) looked ready to put her years as jukebox hero captain behind her in favor of a real, live, non-mesh jersey wearing team. after seemingly getting confirmations from a few of the biggest names in the league, hennon officially announced long dong jon biddle as her first predraft acquisition. what jon brings to the table for the defensively inept danielle is obvious: he's a defensive machine with a vertical measured in feet, not inched, and a perrenial all-star and proven winner (having done so last year on a team nobody thought would do much). besides his obvious assets in the paint, jon is a rapidly improving offensive player, capable of nailing anything from the triple in with consistency and, given the right circumstances such as the planets lining up, drilling seven homers in a game. after acquiring biddle and seeing some of her other potential signees fall through, danielle regrouped and went for another big-time sbl name, this time setting her sites on reigning world champ and six year vet pj nespor. after proving his mettle from the leadoff slot in last years run to the earnest, pj has shown everyone he can still be one of the best in the game. now free of his ties to the ladies and having tasted sweet, sweet victory, let's hope rod thunder is hungry for some more. finally, danielle rounded out her squad with mike moroco, who opted once again to distance himself from ex-beau bryan frankovich. in mikey, danielle gets a second top-ten talent who will quickly become her teams ancor on offense. pick 5: looking at danielle's squad- a dominating defense and solid offense- there seemed to be only one area in which she was lacking. the scrum factor became null and void with cashdollar's selection of big ando in the first round. the man-mountain is certainly an intimidating specimen in the scrum arena, but has also shown he can be a force in the paint and behind the homer line. a fabulous first-round selection for a team with a lot to build on. pick 10: ray "sweetwater" cataline became the first rookie taken off the board, somewhat shocking considering danielle didn't even know who he was. yes, nobody in the sbl has ever seen him shoot a basketball, but yes, danielle could afford the gamble. had she not taken him, he'd have gone with the very next selection without a doubt. pick 19: while he will be in germany for the better part of the summer, most of us expect him home just in time for the playoffs, which makes it foolish to let a former rookie of the year in dank elly slip down to the middle of round 3. the homer-draining scrum machine should provide a nice playoff spark to a team in late july, and this is one team that most likely won't be in need of any more good players by that time. the pick of the draft. in my opinion. pick 24: californian jason betts, the sentimental pick for team hennon. here's hoping he comes back for a bit this summer so we can get one final sbl look at a true legend. pick 33: cassie "the assassin" pyle (it's amazing that nickname has stuck since the early days of sweaty banana) is a perfect last-round player. she shows up when needed, but will never bitch about lack of playing time, and is not only a nice person to have as a player, but a nice person to have around in general. besides, her financee plays for this team. no, not betts. GRADE: A cashdollar and associates are my pick to win it all this year. danielle did a fine job of creating a terrific on-court team with no major weaknesses, and still managed to bring together a group of players it's hard to root against. jon biddle, one of the best in the league over the past three seasons, deserves an earnest, as does perrenial bridesmaid mike moroco. if i had to pick on weakness in this team, it would be killer instinct. without a big time winning-minded player like a tomko or olsavsky, this squad may let a lot of teams stay in games they shouldn't be in. as captain, hennon is going to have to stay on her charges to put away the lesser teams. maybe they should pick up jeff meyers, just in case. as for the draft itself, i can't find a fault. sweetwater cataline may have gone too soon at 10, but the fact he would have gone next pick coupled with who she drafted after totally cancels out any possible mismanagement of the team. good job, cashdollar. |