Well, so much for offenses being "out" this season. The average score of a playoff game has been 27-13, meaning that the average SBL offense has scored 20 runs a game. What's also interesting is, despite every series going to three games, the lopsided scores. Eight of 15 games have been decided by ten runs or more, including many mercy rule or near mercy rule victories. Keep in mind that not even the most successful SBL team in history, the Serbian Jew Double Bluffs were able to average 20 runs a game nor were they able to blow out oppenents at this rate.
Before I get to this week's topic (I actually have one this week!), I also feel compelled to compliment Bryan Frankovich, Rando Knight, and Mikey Moroco for showing up last Sunday even though their teams didn't play. As someone who often needs to leave BASEketball early (job, school, family stuff, etc.), I cannot criticize those who do the same or are not there during the playoffs when they are not playing. What I can do is applaud those who show up when they don't have to. I'm sure Nate appreciates this as well.
I did something similar to this last year, back in the days where I didn't write a column every week and actually had time to put thought into them. And only one of the picture links is still up! I really hate Geocities, did I ever tell you guys that? Anyway, that was a picture of blue beer pong cups in the shape of the Westminster "W", with one person mooning the formation and SBL friend "Fat" Wes Davis giving it the finger.
Getting back to the topic, I will now recognize SBL players who are not likely win an actual postseason award and probably a couple who will in a way that is pretty amusing (when you're not being made fun of) or perhaps not so amusing (when you are being made fun of). Of course, this will culminate in the crowning of the style points champion as well as style points LVP.
The Houdini Award for Best Disappearing Act: Tie, Ray Cataline, Nappy Headed Ho's and Lenny Christ, Screamin' Seagulls. Lenny would have won this award last year too since he showed up early in the season and then poof! He disappeared. Seriously, weren't both he and Ray supposed to show up every week this year? At least that's what they told people. Each must have muttered under his breath, "until Week Six", because we've seen neither of the two gentlemen since. There is no prize/fancy trophy/ribbon/etc. for this award because it's not like the recipient of this award will be there anyway to claim it, and that would just be a waste.
The Time Machine Award for Setting BASEketball Back Ten Years With His Ugly Shot: Greg Lackey, Kathleen Turner Overdrive. Young Lackey wins this award in a close battle over John "Fifi" Davidson, based on quite possibly the ugliest shot ever. Most of you have heard of the McDonald's All-Americans, but Greg Lackey had the lesser known distinction of being a Chiquita All-American, where candidates are selected based on their ability to hold the basketball over their heads like the Chiquita Banana Lady holds that fruit basket over her head. The recipient of this award will get some sort of basketball instructional video to learn how to shoot like a normal person. Well, that's if I wasn't so cheap. Just look it up on YouTube.
The Ichiro Award for Small Ball Excellence: Pat Nespor, Hot Fuzz. For awhile, I thought the real Pat Nespor was locked away and replaced by a robot who only knew hot to shoot the left single. After seeing the lamest psyche out attempts this side of Billy Weisberg and some faulty scoreboard keeping, I knew that this was no robot. I reserved this award for Katie Kelly last season, with two minor differences: 1) Katie has since stepped beyond the single line, and 2) I'm pretty sure Katie was allowed to shoot something other than singles. The prize for this award is to sit on the bench while cheering on Gavin St. John, Mikey Moroco, and the brothers Frankovich in the SBL finals. Congratulations!
The Worst Person in the SBL Award: Katie Kelly, Sparkling Wiggles. Wearing crocs is bad enough, but wearing crocs and being on the team that beat mine in the playoffs makes me sick! That makes you the worst person in the league in my book. God, I hate crocs. The winner of this award will probably get a lump of coal in her stocking this Christmas, or perhaps a pair of shoes that does not imply that the person wearing them is a douchebag.
The Stupidest Person(s) in the SBL Award: Anyone, any team. This award goes to anybody stupid enough to take my insults seriously. Get the stick out of your ass! The winner of this award probably deserves a swift smack upside the head.
The Style Points LVP Award: Bryan Frankovich, Hot Fuzz. Well, duh! When first thinking of the style points concept, I figured someone like John Offutt would recieve this, but then people kept marking Frankovich down for negative style points, and then situations arose where it looked as if he was trying to hold hands with Mikey (or at least we could tell peopled it looked that way). But cheer up! At least you're winning something other than a meaningless All-Star game MVP.
The Style Points Player of the Year: Nate Tomko, Sparkling Wiggles. Honestly, he was never far behind his little whiny rant about how he "oozes style". And honestly, he did win this fair and square. The runner up, Terry Hall, simply didn't hit enough solo homers to catch him. Funny how things worked out for Nate. Part of the reason this thing started was to give a "POTY" to someone other than Nate. Turns out that while Nate won an award not intended for him, he may lose out on the real POTY award which most people assume he's going to win every season.
Well, that does it for the awards this year. I have two columns left in me. One for a 2007 review and another to preview 2008. As for this column next year, well first, we have to make sure that there is a next year. If we do, don't expect me to do this gig every week. I like doing stuff for the site, but we can all agree that some weeks, this column wasn't all that great. That's due to me not having the time to actually think of quality work to post. I will have less time next summer (with a real job and all), so you will probably only see a fraction of the work than you did from me this year.
One last Frankovich burn for the road. Perhaps we were off the mark about who Frankovich really likes (or perhaps he's trying to show Mikey that he can find a new lover too). Credit Mac for bringing this picture to my attention.
