Yes, you can all breathe a sigh of relief. After a one week hiatus, the Friday Hangover is back! Sorry about that last week. I really did have a butt-load of work to get done. Pitt likes to end their spring semesters early, but the good news is that I am done with my first year of graduate school. I am now two-thirds of the way towards completing my quest of becoming the second person in league history to receive a postgraduate degree. Does this mean your beloved Friday column writer may be gone from the valley by this time next year? I honestly cannot answer that question. Although, I would love to stick around Pittsburgh for a little while longer if possible.
This week, I will critique the team names for the 2007. Is your team name good? Does it suck? What should your logo look like? Only one way to find out. Scroll down!
PJ & the Ladies
There is no better way to start off than with an SBL classic. You cannot go wrong with this name. Any team anchored by Rando and PJ should have this name. If they would have named it something else, no matter how good the name, I would have been cursing them out for being lame. Ok, so maybe it's not a big deal. It's just nice to see this franchise back in the league. Being a team six out of seven years easily makes this the most-used name in league history, and I would doubt any name beats it out. Don't mess with success. As for the logo, there is nothing more fitting for those commies than the hammer and sickle.
The Sparkling Wiggles
I think we've all seen the video on YouTube by now. This is pretty funny name, although a bit controversial. But, how many seasons have gone by without a controversial team name. As long as Nate doesn't tape himself yelling out every racial slur imaginable and post it online like some idiot did as a video response, I don't think there will be much of a problem here. Obviously, you cannot go with the little girl's mispronunciation as the logo. And being that I have a nine year old brother, I know that the Wiggles are an Australian children's band who has their own show, which is basically a half hour song and dance routine. Thank God my brother doesn't watch that anymore. To see what these wiggles look like, click here (God bless Wikipedia). Add some sparkles to that, and you have a sparkling wiggle! This shouldn't be too much of a stretch for Nate, as I'm pretty sure his wardrobe already contains such clothing. A bit lame, I know, but hey, Nate likes to talk about how he's accomplished everything there is to accomplish in the SBL. But, has he ever been his own team's mascot? No! If he can pull that off, he'll be a shoo-in for Player of the Year, gaudy numbers aside.
The Screamin' Seagulls
If you don't know what a screamin' seagull is, don't look it up on Urban Dictionary. Don't go to the beach with Lee Nespor or his girlfriend, either. Eeeewwwwwwww! This isn't the best team name, but I'm sure there is much worse out there. I guess this team's logo can be a guy and a girl holding hands on a beach with a seagull waiting in the background. We don't want the logos getting too graphic. There are (still) childrem in the league, you know. You sickos.
Team Double Stuff
What?! This is their team name? Say it ain't so! Lame...lame...lame! Are they a bunch of Oreos? Or perhaps someting as grotesque as a screamin' seagull. Either way, I don't like this name. Given their captain's nickname, they could at least go with the "Wild Things". Hell, their logo would be easy too. Bonus points for using the glasses like Ricky Vaughn. That would be aweosme. They could at least go with my suggested team name from a past article. My vote still goes to the "Wild Things" and have the Ricky Vaughn glasses for the logo. Technically, Aryn Christman would be her own mascot too. Eat that, Nate Tomko!
Man, Major League was an awesome movie.
Hot Fuzz
Another grotesque name. Apparently, Bryan and Mikey are into girls now...and into painting. There's the movie titled Hot Fuzz too. Not a particularly clever name, but there is worse (see above). I guess they could go two ways for their logo: one is a logo associated with the movie, or they could go with Bob Ross painting some hot chick. There isn't much I can do with this name, thinking about it off-hand. Hopefully, B-Frank will think of something better. If not, there can't be anything bad about a Bob Ross reference in the SBL.
Kathleen Turner Overdrive
The name makes me chuckle. This may be the best, non-offensive team name that I can recall. I honestly can't think of a good logo for this team. But I will give kudos to Tony and Kippy for this name. This may be one of the few teams who can wear their shirts around their parents without fear or a dirty look. And, the name doesn't suck. Good job, guys!
The Nappy Headed Ho's
We end the team name critiques with a reminder of how much of a jackass Don Immus is. Pretty good, although I will admit that I liked my last two team names better (Bukkake Tsunami and Train on Ted's Sister Terry Shernisky). I think we're going to have to with just the initials for this one. A fitting logo would be simply a garden hoe with a bad wig. What waere you thinking, racist?
There you have it. Even though my opinions are right and yours are wrong, you now have the opprotunity to vote on which team name is your favorite on the main page. I remind you of this, because I'm pretty sure nobody even checks the main page anymore, but rather refreshes the 2007 repeatedly on Fridays until they see my column appear. Such love.
Until next week, fans, go vote. ttyl, SBL.
