The month of March: perhaps one of the greatest times of the year for sports. You have the SBL draft and that huge tournament of college basketball teams (Speaking of which, can anybody tell me how Stanford, Xavier, Illinois, and Arkansas got bids and not Syracuse, Drexel, Florida State, and Air Force? I can understand how Florida State and Air Foce played their way out, but Syracuse deserved a bid, and if you include them you have to include Drexel). I love college basketball, which is the reason why this article may appear to be half-assed this week. The tournament means lots of drinking on Thursday night and also games at noon on Friday. I can't sit here at work until one, missing the first half of these games, nor can I start drinking again Friday at noon if I got too wasted Thursday night and I had to come into work at 7:30 Friday morning. That's just not going to happen. Plus, I have a strong dislike for CSSD. NCAA > CSSD. Therefore, I'm actually starting this on Tuesday and will do a little bit more with it tomorrow. Like you suckers loyal readers and SBL fans will even know the difference.
Most of you are coming here expecting me to break down the teams thus far or maybe even the draft. Well I'm sorry, but that's just not going to happen this week. I can't break down the teams now with the draft looming this weekend, which would force me to analyze them again next week (lame). I can't talk about the draft, because that would create a conflict of interest. We don't need you assholes reading this article and try to steal players you may not have drafted otherwise just to try to screw up my plans. No siree. So this week, I'm going to talk about a few of my favorite moments through my first three years in the league. I also have an exclusive interview with last year's finals MVP, Terry Shernisky.
Before I get started, let me just say how awesome it is that the Governor of Eastern Pennsylvania, Ed Rendell, finally was able to strike a deal with our hero, Mario Lemieux, to keep the Penguins in Pittsburgh. I mean sure, I was really looking forward to my Sydney Crosby jersey to become a throwback, but I'd rather keep the Pens around here for a whlie longer. If we put up with them sucking for the last few years, no way in hell Kansas City should get them just as they get good. Kansas City sucks. Crappy football team, crappier baseball team, it's in the midwest (ewwww), not to mention that the last time they had a hockey team, they only lasted two years. You want to know what the franchise is upto these days? They're the FUCKING NEW JERSEY DEVELS!!! Any good and loyal Penguins fan has a strong dislike for the Devils. Oh, and I bet that Kansas City doesn't even have a baseketball league somewhere nearby. Assholes.
Ok, now onto today's topic. Keep in mind that these are my personal favorite moments in the league..not yours. If you want to talk about your personal favorite moments, write your own article (though it's going to suck compared to this one), or politely ask me to interview you. Also, keep in mind that these are in no particular order. Cool?
How can any such list not include the two weeks at the Sucka Free Outdoor Sports Complex? They simply can't. As most of you know, we've played there twice (2004 and last season) and will likely never play there again. Seth Salcedo getting thrown into a trash can, Pat Lackey throwing his shoes at Terry Shernisky, Lenny Christ getting smacked with a paddle, a scrum determined by a beer pong shoot out, and my team warming up for its games with beer pong (where, eventually, the mystery cup was the one not filled to the top) are all things that have taken place here. So as you can see, the reason why this is on the list has very little to do with any actual game play, unless you want to include my coming out party in 2004, where I banged in 13 homers that week. Yeah, I'll gloat a little in this article too.
Another favorite of mine would have to be the week we played at Horsecock Downs two years ago. My Train (On Terry Shernisky) came into the week in last place and was scheduled to face the best team in the league. I think we fell down by 10 after the first inning, and most people there were thinking "they're going toget their asses beat". Had they been right, we would have fallend to 3-6, something that could really throw a wrench into your playoff plans. But somehow that day, we decided to not suck and we ended up not only coming back, but beating the crap out of the other team, scoring 38 runs in only 6 innings. The next game was equally as dominant for us, scoring 34 runs in only 5 innings. For those of you who struggle with math, that's 72 runs in only 11 innings of work! This, coming from a team who only scored 12 in a game the week prior (which went 13 innings). That's a pretty big turnaround. Also, in the first game, I tied that homerun record (which was later broken), only neededing 6 innnings to do it. In the second game, I remember Pat Lackey, sensing the game was over, stealing the scoreboard and punting the ball into the woods. I laughed. But anyway, after that week, mty team turned it around, and we almost won the whole shibang..or at least came closer than you did...unless you played on Nate and Billy's team. If you did, you can go eat a dick now. Go on. This column will beh here waiting for you once you get back.
Who can forget the scrum last season where Bryan Frankovich got his boxers ripped. You can actually view the picture on the main page. Just scroll down to the bottom of the page. I'm pretty sure he was in a heated scrum with Terry Shernisky (who was probably just grabbing around there for the heck of it). Then, you hear the tearing of fabric, and voila, enough crack appears to keep the crackhead on your list satisfied for Christmases to come. Obviously not the same type of crack, but most crackheads would be stupid enough to go with it anyway. I'll give you all a moment to insert your own Bryan Frankovich-Mikey Morocco gay joke.
You think of it yet? Ok good. Let's move on.
There's no way I can leave out last year's miracle playoff run to the finals for Bukkake Tsunami. Was there anyone who expected us to even win the play-in game? Ok, so a few. Anybody expect us to beat Live Sex Celebration in a 3 game series after failing to earn even one victory against them during the regular season? I hightly doubt that. Who would have expected us to win another three game series against any team after that? Nobody. Well, we shocked the baseketball world that day. We did it, and we did it with everybody's favorite: the solo homerun. Did you know that the deciing run in the play-in game and game three of both series were because of those? Well, I do..because I hit them. And you have to give credit somewhere to Rando's grand slam to put us back into the game against Live Sex Celebration when all seemed lost for us. That was pretty badass. Like in 2005, my team almost won the whole shibang, but the clock struck midnight on this Cinderella. I would say that anyone who played for Wet Dream Team can eat a dick, but they don't need me telling them to do that. But had we won last year, some insiders think that there may not be a 2007 SBL season because that may have been the perfect ending for the league. In which case, there would be no Friday Hangover. What kind of life would we have without it? Well, certainly not one I'd like to have. I guess that's why we drink on Thursdays.
If I mention two times that I've been close to winning it all but coming up short, I might as well mention the one time my team did win. We all know about the Serbian Jew Double Bluffs..the most dominant team in league history. Hell, our bench alone could have been the second or third best team in the league. I only played in one of the games, but there was absolutely no pressure on me. This team was full of all-stars and future all-stars. It wasn't even funny. Well, for us, it was..especially the one time Nate wrestled Seth Salcedo. I mean, most of us didn't think Nate had a chance, but he pulled out a tough one against the much smaller Salcdeo. Man, this team was good though. I doubt you ever see a team come close to how good they were again.
This list would not be complete without giving mention to the after baseketball bonfires at the 960. There is no better way to end a Sunday than to drive over there at 10:00-10:30, sit around a bonfire, drink some beers, and talk about the day's sexy baseketball action. I doubt I'm able to make it to many this year. I'm going to miss them.
There are some other moments that deserve a quick mention. The time Terry Shernisky got pummeled by the entire league two years ago, the Seth Salcedo/Nate Tomko wrestling match from 2004, ladder scrums; all of these are things which make me chuckle just to think about.
Below is a link to read my interview with Terry Shernisky. How bad did he burn Frankovich? What did he say about Nate Tomko? Only one way to find out: click on the link, assholes. Until next time, peace out, SBL. Happy St. Patrick's Day and remember that you can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning, so get your ass out of bed early and grab a brew!