factfiction7

1- ALRIGHT, THE REGULAR SEASON IS OVER SO WE CAN DO IT: THE DOUBLE BLUFFS THE BEST TEAM EVER

JON: fact. against the "other" three champion teams of seasons past, we can easily disgard the inaugural champs (sorry brother/sister) and last years upset. (i counter every melanin crack with "...and look at you"). RTS were good, but didn't full ignite the banner. i shall waive my personal beliefs as to the unfulfilled potential of Nasty Pillowww, and non-descript praise of the ladies eternal dominance, however, we are left with one final obstacle...the angry testicles.
two nates and two shellies (oh god, the thought aquivers me- the former, obviously) cancel themselves out of course. (see a trend with these two names and top seed selections?) anyone who doesn't known to mac over a sport-sportenwein can lick gardner snake, and i think that an arrogant russian and some balling jail-bait swallow the remaining roster in one giant gulp. danielle and ben dover sit atop the leftovers playing paddy-cake with a certain blonde mohawk. spoken.

2- WITH ARGUABLY EIGHT OF THE TOP TEN PLAYERS IN THE SBL PLAYING FOR THE WORLD, THE ALL-STAR "SHARON VS. THE WORLD" FORMAT SHOULD BE CHANGED.

fiction. firstly, i take an issue with the premise of this question. if the all-stars were ten on ten, my answer would change. BUT, observe- goodpastor, arvberg and tomko (all of the billy-haters who call him out on a foul season: motivation is 8/10's of the law, so stuff it) feed into a 700+ pot. examine also, however, that if nate sticks to non-homers, the average increases further which increases the capacity for assists to a deafening volume, especially considering the supernatural bond billy and nate share. (and don't forget about rando, those chicken wings flutter at just the right times). if they don't miss shots, how can pornstar-in-a-bottle tip in double plays?
do i need to say more? well i will anyway. chemistry? bil/nate/rando/shelly. come on. the format is fine. as shitty of a town as it is, sharon has never lost an all-star game, and, conversely, most of the world have never lost their virginity. we're all pulling for you, bid.

3- PJ & THE LADIES WILL WIN THEIR 3 GAME SERIES AGAINST THE SHORT BUS ALL-STARS THIS WEEKEND

fact. well, it's finally here, isn't it? the showdown to end all showdowns. see, back in the day, near the beginning of all this baseketball madness, when the sbl was still a sapling, battling the elements, struggling toward adulthood, we had our big man in the league, the collosus known as big rando, and we saw this, and it was good.
then something peculiar happened the second year: a BIGGER man appeared, dwarfing rando's illustrious frame. the voluptuous chicken had been upstaged. conflict soon erupted between these two juggernauts; how can a baseketball league have two men with "big" in their names? thus began the knight/gilliland rivalry, and it's been all downhill ever since.
finally, however, 3 years later, the controversy can be put to rest. one final battle shall decide the victor, and crown one man, without question, the "biggest", while another chall be confined to "not quite so big". hence, look for rando to come out swinging from the onset. likewise, look for ted to...umm..probably get really pissed and/or sulk upon defeat, and billy weisberg to breathe a sigh of relief. mighty mouse will probably just bang bitches. a combination of refined crist-ian psyche-outs, rando's bigness, and great play from... whichever ladt actually shows up in addition to those two shall overtake the arv mcgilliland powerhouse 2 games to 1.
after the game's over, i recommend ducking.

4- WITH PJ NESPOR AND JARED CLAYTON NO-SHOWING REGULARLY THIS SEASON AND TED GILLILAND FLIPPING OUT AND LEAVING MIDWAY THRU WEEK 9, THE SBL NEEDS TO BE A BIT MORE SELECTIVE WHEN CHOOSING TEAM CAPTAINS.

fact. add to this mantra the inability a particular captain has of finding any court to play on this season, and we've got a deal. i honestly didn't realize that pj was a captain again this year, i just figured it was rando, though i really think that team runs itself, managed by chaos and anarchy themselves. i realize it would break tradition, but i really think pjadies should sport jerseys similair to the cheerleading outfits from that nirvana video next year.
the other insurgants are a little more faulted, i'd say. it's not like this is a new trend for this season. we had cracka dissapear on us altogether (though last year it had interesting results), and while it was still around, it must have changed captains about 14 times. how many times this year alone, though, has a non-captain been forced to make crucial trade decisions for their team in their captains wake?
etc and onward.
i'm not sure exactly how to correct this. have nate manage every team? give teams only to captains in the past who have been thouroughly trustworthy? greater penalties to teams whose captains run awol?
ahhh...now i've got it: a night on the bench in front of the bell in downtown sharon will clear anyone's conscience.

NATE: fiction. yeah, you'd all just love for me to jinx the purple wrecking crew by opening my mouth all k-unit like long before the deal is sealed. but it ain't gonna happen, no matter how blatantly obvious it is that everything from here on down is a lie.
the best team, in my opinion, were the first-ever team to hoist the earnest (which begat the left-eye, which will beget whatever trophy we award this season, since i'm pretty sure i broke lisa lopes taking her out of my car last year).
look at this line-up: olsavsky, hood, moroco, randy martell, dave leishman, big pants jesus.... that's not a roster, that's a hall of fame ballot. these bitch-ass teams from today couldn't hold a candle to the NAACP. jared clayton who? jon biddle what?
and don't even get me started on team lunchbox hero. who knows how high that team would have sooared had they not been blackballed by that facist dick-tator of a president, who was obviously trying to eliminate his stiffest competition for years to come before they could mature as baseketballers.

fizziction. okay, statistically, the world is overwhelming sharon this season. but the all-star game is one 9-inning contest, not an entire season, and anything can happen in one game.
especially when you take into consideration that the most seasoned veterans on the world roster are sophomores. conversely, the nucleus of sharon's team are grizzled warriors who've not only been to war, but won it while most of team global was nothing more than sperm. i'd take myself, weisberg, big rando, jon o. (pj, shelly, kip, etc.) over any nu-skool hickory punk any day of the week- AND TWICE ON SUNDAY.
like ric flair, the sharon team is still getting it done. we're dirty, we know all the rules and how to break them, and we know how to get the job done when the chips are down. and yeah, our skin is giving up hope. but never count us out.

fact. this is what baseketball is all about. two veteran teams that nobody in wants to play in the postseason mixing it up in a best of three series with the chance to face a freefalling team of snot-nosed highschoolers if they win.
big rando vs. big ted...pj nespor vs. lee nespor....no-nonsense chris mclaughlin vs. no sense lenny crist...jewish billy weisberg vs. racist sean hood.... anarchy vs. fatness....the storylines are off the charts.
the ladies have the edge. why, you ask? short bus is a better team. they play the game better on both sides of the ball, they're more reliable to show up, they have a better team leader in weisberg, they're slightly less likely to blow a game with an untimely penalty.
but the ladies have...well, they've got....i dunno, but they've got it in spades. there's something about this team that scares me. more than xdeathx or any team with jared clayton, the ladies are intimidating. they can beat you if they play well, which they all seem to do at the same time. but they can also beat you if they don't play well, and there's not another team in the league that can make that claim. if the game comes down to two teams playing shitty, bet the bank on the ladies, they'll find a way.
and these teams will both play shitty. cause that's what shitty teams do.

fiction. okay, so clayton has been a beotch for the past two weeks, and pj's baseketballness is fading like his life as an unmarried man. and ted is insane. but honestly, who else is there?
at the beginning of the season, i'd have told you that ben elliott would have been there every week, and as soon as he got a little boo-boo on his leg he dogged us for 2 weeks. jamie moroco and her constant trips to eurodisney? i think not. what about big "yeah, i'll be home sunday for sure" rando? pfft. and kip corbett couldn't request off a sunday evening if his life depended on it.
on the flip side, who'd have guessed ben smith would have been the attendal rock he is....or dank elly...or brandon mckendry....or lenny crist?
it's a crapshoot. like guessing who's gonna be good, guessing who's gonna be reliable is nothing more than an educated coin flip.
for every tim mclaughlin, there are 5 jon olsavskys. i really don't see how we can get any better than that, unless we start paying captains more. or offering pony rides at baseketball.