THE ALL-STAR RACE

SHARON

no-brainers
these players cannot possibly do enough in week 10 to lose their spots

Nate Tomko, the laser cats 18 GP, 58 HR, .672 AVG., 148 RBI, 4 AST, 44 DP, 18 PO
Tomko is an obvious choice to make his 8th all-star game in as many seasons, and will likely once again captain his squad. He currently leads the league in homers, average and runs batted in and sits second in psyche-outs; is no lower than 6th in any category.

Terry Shernisky, the laser cats 19 GP, 29 HR, .638 AVG., 106 RBI, 10 AST, 70 DP, 2 PO
The other half of the 2-headed Laser Cats monster is also a lock, leading the SBL in double plays and assists, and is in the top seven in the league in every statistical category.


Just don’t blow it in week 10
Assuming they don’t shit the bed and suffer a monsterous week from a few people below them, these guys will also be in the week 13 classic

Bill Weisberg, voltron 16 GP, 10 HR, .509 AVG., 68 RBI, 4 AST, 17 DP, 1 PO
Not even missing weeks 8 and 9 derailed Weisberg, as most of the players sitting beneath him either failed to do much of anything or failed to show up enough. Even a mediocre week 10 will be enough, which seems unlikey considering how consistent Billy has been in ’08.

Terry Hall, the oatcake hate monsters 20 GP, 25 HR, .386 AVG., 83 RBI, 1 AST, 38 DP, 2 PO
Many would probably consider Terry the 4th most dangerous offensive player on his team, so it would be strange of him to be the only one looking like a definite all-star. But in addition to his top-notch defense, Hall leads his squad in homers (25) and rbi (83), and those gaudy numbers should be enough. If he gets to 100 rbi, he’ll be a lock.


The dream battle
Three fine girls slugging it out in the final week in what may be anywhere from zero to three all-star slots. We’ll list them in current standing.

Katie Kelly, the oatcake hate monsters 16 GP, 1 HR, .645 AVG., 62 RBI, 2 AST, 4 DP, 0 PO
Katie is locked in a heated battle with bff Aryn Christman and teammate Shelly Goodpastor, but right now I’d put her in the lead. Her batting average is the difference, .50 points ahead of either competitor. But will the voters consider her a worthy all-star, or a product of shooting pretty much nothing but singles and doubles?

Aryn Christman, the queens of the rest stop reacharound 18 GP, 5 HR, .596 AVG., 65 RBI, 2 AST, 4 DP, 1 PO
As of now, I have Aryn on the outside looking in. SBL rules state that every team needs a representative in the all-star game, meaning that either Opie Neff or Rando Knight of the Funbridges, and possibly Kip Corbett or John Offutt of the Banana Democracy will have to get in ahead of her even though I doubt anyone in this league would consider them better players. However, I wouldn’t be shocked if anyone out there thought Aryn was in above Terry Hall or Billy Weisberg right now. It will be interesting to see how the voters will feel about her, but a good final week will be a must either way.

Shelley Goodpastor, the oatcake hate monsters 12 GP, 3 HR, .596 AVG., 55 RBI, 0 AST, 1 DP, 0 PO
A lack of games played has cost Shelley thus far, but she’s certainly still in the mix. Of all of the players currently on the all-star bubble, Shelley without a doubt has the greatest potential to throw up a 15 homer, 30 rbi monster of a week to impress the voters. Plus, she’s Shelley Freakin’ Goodpastor. That alone will get her a lot of consideration.


Outshine the guy sitting next to you:
The four gentlemen on this list don’t have to measure up against anyone else currently on the Sharon all-star team. Because of the Pittsburgh Pirate clause, which states every team must have a representative, one of them is going to have to make it.

Rando Knight, the fleshy funbridges 21 GP, 10 HR, .339 AVG., 43 RBI, 1 AST, 33 DP, 1 PO
And
Opie Neff, the fleshy funbridges 24 GP, 20 HR, .374 AVG., 59 RBI, 3 AST, 22 DP, 0 PO
One of these two will without a doubt make the 2008 Sharon squad. By far the two best players on the Funbridges this season, these are the only two that could possibly be considered for the All-Star game. Neither will likely get voted in by the fans, which means it will be up to the board to decide which one gets in: the flashy rookie Neff, whose put up better stats in more games and has redefined the homerun celebration but lacked consistency, or the reliable Knight, whose stats have suffered tremendously this year as the SBL president has repeatedly called on him to help screw Frankovich?

Kip Corbett, the banana democracy 20 GP, 6 HR, .342 AVG., 39 RBI, 0 AST, 21 DP, 1 PO
And
John Offutt, the banana democracy 11 GP, 10 HR, .396 AVG., 32 RBI, 0 AST, 2 DP, 3 PO
Not only will these two be competing with one and other, but fellow Banana Ben Smith will also be in the mix. Smith is currently sitting at 10 GP, 2 HR, .553 AVG., 33 RBI, 2 AST, 16 DP, 0 PO, which statistically should get him in as the Democracy’s best player. But his 10 games played will keep a lot of people from voting for him, and either one of these guys will be more than happy to step up. In my opinion, Kip hasn’t played nearly well enough to make the Sharon team this year (though a good week ten would have me happily eating crow), and Offutt hasn‘t shown up nearly enough. For the sake of Katie Kelly, Shelley Goodpastor and Aryn Christman, let’s hope Smith shows up and lets loose, or all three of those ladies will be left out.




THE WORLD


The usual suspects
These guys are in, as is normally the case for the world squad

Mike Moroco, the kyoto kamikazees 18 GP, 36 HR, .530 AVG., 92 RBI, 3 AST, 44 DP, 23 PO
Mike’s 23 psyche-outs, which have obliterated the previous mark, would be enough by themselves to get him in. But 36 homeruns, 92 rbi, 44 double plays sure are a lot of icing on the cake, as neither of those are lower than 7th in the league.

Bryan Frankovich, the queens of the rest stop reacharound 17 GP, 18 HR, .493 AVG., 104 RBI, 7 AST, 59 DP, 1 PO
For all the fucking of Frankovich we’ve done this year, he’s still managed to lock up an all-star spot with a week to go. He’s not having his best season, but he’ll likely reach the mythical 20 homer-100 rbi and you’re an all-star mark, and his 59 double plays and 7 assists are second best in the league.

The new world order

These guys should be in, which would give the world all-star team a very, very different look from years past. Each is in right now, but could certainly play (or fail to play) their way out.

Stud Frankovich, the queens of the rest stop reacharound 10 GP, 30 HR, .585 AVG., 75 RBI, 0 AST, 19 DP, 1 PO

I think this right here might be the reason Ben Smith hasn’t come around much this year. After years and years of drafting Stud early, Ben finally gave up on Bryan’s cousin this season, only to watch Bryan pick him up and actually get him to come. The result was a year that, had Stud played in a full slate of games, would have him thisclose to his first player of the year award. The only question here is the 10 games played. If Stud shows up in week 10, he’s in.

Gavin St. John, voltron 16 GP, 19 HR, .470 AVG., 60 RBI, 1 AST, 21 DP, 1 PO

After capturing rookie of the year honors last season, most probably expected St. John to be in the all-star picture this year, so it’s no surprise that he’s here. He’s been a consistent force on both sides of the ball for Voltron this season, and it’s no shocked that his team went into the toilet at about the same time he missed two consecutive weeks. It’s possible he gets caught if he plays poorly this week, but as of now GSJ is a world all-star.

Bob Spohn, the laser cats 21 GP, 10 HR, .448 AVG., 78 RBI, 2 AST, 4 DP, 0 PO

By far the least likely of all-star candidates, Spohn came from virtually nowhere to become a tremendous leadoff hitter for the league-leading Cats. He’ll need to keep the momentum going this Sunday, which could be hard to do as the LC have nothing left to play for this season. Still, one of the fellas below him would need a very untypical week to catch Spohnny.

The grizzled vets slugging it out for the final all-star spot

These two legends of the game have been as regular to the all-star contest as a mike moroco grand slam. But things are looking different this season, and its likely only one will get in.

Matt Mcclelland, the oatcake hate monsters 15 GP, 3 HR, .566 AVG., 53 RBI, 1 AST, 26 DP, 1 PO

Mac has made the all-star squad every season since he set foot onto an SBL court in 2003, and frequently, he’s been the world captain. This year, though he’s still a tremendously consistent shooter, Mac has just not been able to reach the numbers we’ve come accustomed to. The Pirates clause may bite him in the ass, as Smith may be forced to get in, so Mac’s best option may be to put up a ginormous week 10 and catch one of the noobs above him.

Ben Smith, the banana democracy 10 GP, 2 HR, .553 AVG., 33 RBI, 2 AST, 16 DP, 0 PSY

Ugh, I don’t know where to start on this one. He’s not showing up enough, he’s not shooting the homer enough, he’s not shooting the longball enough, his homer shooting has been down…. One of the most productive offenses forces in the SBL over the past 4 seasons has 33 RBI and a pair of homers right now, which may actually get him in because he’s a member of the Democracy, but here’s hoping the real Ben Smith stands up in the next few weeks. Ben needs to get the nod over Offutt and Corbett to get in, because he won’t be getting in over Mcclelland.

And finally…

MY ALL STAR TEAMS

As of Saturday, July 26 at 1:00pm

Sharon:

C- Nate Tomko, cats

Terry Shernisky, cats

Billy Weisberg, voltron

Terry Hall, oatcake

Aryn Christman, queens

Opie Neff, funbridges

World:

C- Mike Moroco, kyoto

Bryan Frankovich, queens

Stud Frankovich, queens

Gavin St. John, voltron

Ben Smith, democracy

Bob Spohn, cats

AND IN A PERFECT WORLD:

Sharon:

Tomko

Shernisky

Weisberg

Christman

Kelly

Hall

World:

Stud

Moroco

B.Frank

Mcclelland

GSJ

Spohn