| sbl 2003, week 5 june 15 ass clown outdoor arena WEENISES STRIKE BACK 18 PJ & THE LADIES 19 (10 INNINGS) rando knight's 2-out, 3-run homer in the bottom of the ninth knotted the score at 18, and after retiring the weenises 1-2-3 in the top half of the extra stanza, back to back doubles by joel lepak and jon olsavsky accounted for the 19th run and 4th straight win for the now red-hot ladies. knight finished the contest with a 7 for 12, 6 rbi, 3 double play line, but certainly didn't do it alone. like always, the ladies got support from every player, with joel leptak hitting 8 shots and coercing a psyche-out and jon "backboard" olsavsky collecting hits in 9 of his 13 at-bats, turning 3 double plays, and driving home 9 runs, a pair of which came in the form of a 6th inning homer. for the weenises, who have dropped 7 of 8 since starting the season with 2 straight wins to maintain a firm grip on dead last, brian frankovich drained nine shots and brough home 4, while the continuingly impressive pat lackey and the exceedingly jewish billy weisberg notched identical 7 for 13, 5 rbi, 1 double play, 1 homerun games. TEAM LUNCHBOX HERO 8 GONADS & STRIFE 9 after stumbling twice last week at the fieldhouse and falling to a mere game ahead of the vice city miracles, the gonads were in desperate need of a win heading into their week 5 game with the heroes. heading into the bottom of the seventh, it wasn't looking good, as the heroes were holding a 6-3 lead, and even the always-on shelly goodpastor seemed to be having an off day. but 3-run homers in the 7th and 8th and double plays to end the lunchbox 8th and 9th by nate tomko sealed the win for G&S, who upped their record to 6-3. tomko finished with a 6 for 8, 3 homer, 8 rbi, 4 double play, 1 assist day, while lee nespor added 2 hits in 2 innings of work. for the heroes, andrew heasely garnered hits in half of his 8 appearances, bringing home 2 and adding an assist and a dp. tim mclaughlin drove home 2 runs to go with his psyche out and trifecta of double plays, and chris "lollipop" mclaughlin nailed a pair of solo homers. MILF HUNTERS 17 VICE CITY MIRACLES 10 once again, the hunters were able to find their way into the win column, and once again, they made it look pretty easy, this time taking the miracles behind the woodshed for a healthy dose of ass-kick. in spite of playing without all-star mark tarkanick for the third time this season, the milf offense didn't stall out, as the hunters scored 5 runs in the 5th and 6th, then another 4 in the 7th to go up 17-3 and put the game out of reach. 7 runs over the final 2 innings made the score respectable for the miracles. kip corbett was once again the top milf hunter, reaching base safely in 7 of 11 at-bats and driving in 7. steve mentrek brought home 8 on 3 homerun and recorded the lone milf hunter double play. for the miracles (4-5), jon biddle tipped in 2 double plays and nabbed 5 hits and 5 rbi, and matt mcclelland banked thru 7 hits in 12 at-bats. biddle, mcclelland and ted giliiland each recorded homeruns. WEENISES STRIKE BACK 6 TRANSEXUAL HEARTBREAKERS 10 jared clayton tied an sbl record with 6 homeruns in a game (although it should be pointed out that he shot nothing but homers in 11 at-bats and currently holds a .358 batting average, well below ben "i can't shoot" elliot, so let's not give him too much credit) and drove in 9 of his team's 10 runs, all while turning 5 double plays defensively to pretty-much win the game single handidly for his heartbreakers from a statistical standpoint. however, sarah allan was the real catylst for the victors, hitting 6 of 11 shots (in the process raising her batting average over 200 points) and providing clayton with baserunners to bring home on his barrage of middle homeruns. for the weenises, who have beaten only a ridiculously depleted gonads & strife team since week 1, bill weisberg turned in a 5 of 8, 1 homer, 4 rbi, 3 double play line. it should be noted however, that the weenises were playing without their heart and soul, ween farmartino, and their most consistent hitter, jamie moroco. not that it would have mattered. PJ & THE LADIES 10 GONADS & STRIFE 19 perhaps it was the exaustion of playing a 37-run, 10 inning marathon with the weenises hours earlier. perhaps it was the fatigue in the legs from reeling of 4 straight wins. perhaps it was fate, as in 3 years of life, the ladies have never beaten nate tomko. perhaps it was playing the game without the lifeblood of pj & the ladies, pj nespor, and the right testicle of pj and the ladies, joel lepak. perhaps it was because the facists that run the sbl only allow a team to make one grand slam a game. whatever the reason, the ladies have tasted defeat for the first time in a long time. nate tomko torched his hated, bitter, despised arch-nemeses by driving in 12 runs on 8 of 11 marksmanship with 5 homers, an assist, and 5 double plays. shelly goodpastor and sean hood each added 7 hits in 11 attempts, the latter breaking out of a horrendous slump at just the right time. for the ladies, rando knight nailed the third grand-slam of his career and finished the game with 3 homers, 7 rbi and 2 double plays. jon olsavsky hit a pair of solo dongs and tipped in 3 dp's, while joel lepak finished with no hits and averaged a dumb thing every other inning. TRANSEXUAL HEARTBREAKERS 5 MILF HUNTERS 11 sweet revenge. after falling to the heartbreakers for their only blemish of the campaign two games prior, the milf hunters exacted some revenge in week 5, taking advantage of jared clayton's return to week 1 , can't hit shit form. while inside out boy still dropped 5 double plays on the hunters, his atrocious 2 of 11, 1 self-assisted homer game just wasn't enough. mark tarkanick emerged from the african savannah's just in time for the scrum, and began the hunter triumph by humping, then defeating kurt rodemoyer in the scrum. from there, it was all downhill for the heartbreakers, as tark lit them up with 5 of 8 shooting, 4 rbi and a psyche-out. steven "the sex machine" mentrek, battling like a champ despite swimming some rapids earlier in the day, hit a pair of homers, drove in 4, and turned a couple double plays for the winning cause. sarah allan was hi-man for her team with 4 hits, as the heartbreakers dropped to 4-6. VICE CITY MIRACLES 16 TEAM LUNCHBOX HERO 11 jon biddle had the game of his young career, hitting a new sbl-record 7 homeruns and driving in 8 to shatter the record held by andy esenwein and jared clayton and prove that, no matter who you are, you can hit a heap of longballs if that's all you attempt. not to take anything away from jon's accomplishment, of course. what shouldn't be overshadowed by the flatulant shooting of jon biddle is the equally gaseous hitting of ben elliot, who broke out of his career-long slump by draining 8 of his 10 shots. ted gilliland aided his team's cause with 5 rbi and a homer, and matt mcclelland added an assist. the heroes were led by sean unger, who hit half of his 10 shots with a homer and 4 rbi. andrew heasely added 5 hits and 3 dp's, while tim mclaughlin tipped in 2 and recorded a homer. lunchbox hero fell to 3-7 with the loss, while the miracles once again finished the week at .500. PLAYER OF THE WEEK: JON BIDDLE, VICE CITY MIRACLES (7 homers in a row? ridiculous) TEAM OF THE WEEK: THE MILF HUNTERS (no team, even the mighty thunder studs, ever had a record this good at the halfway point) BACK |