Yes, I’m back once again on a day when work is rained out to fill you in on the status of each of the SBL’s elite teams, and also those who are not quite so lucky. The power rankings changed a lot in only a week, and only the lowly Jukebox Heroes managed to hold onto their spot from seven days ago. Without further adieu are McClelland’s Power Rankings for week 5.
1) The Serbian Jew Double Bluffs- (#2 last week)
Up a spot from number 2 a week ago are McClelland’s mighty Double Bluffs, now riding a six game winning streak into McClelland’s own World B. Free Memorial Park. Despite an off week for the Bluff captain, things are great in Bluff country. Last week Shelly Goodpastor broke out of her “slump” in a big way, shattering records that should stand until Shelly is well on her way to a college degree. She no longer has to worry about being the best female in the league, but can now focus on dethroning teammate Nate Tomko as the Player of the Year. Frankly, I think she at least has a good chance at achieving this…now if we could only get her to smile. Though forth man Addam Stainbrook is leaving for the military, the Bluff bench also seems to be at a peak, proving itself in a shellacking of the Jukebox Heroes which the Rookie and Player of the year didn’t even suit up for. Yes, playing three games at their home court could not have come at a better time for the Bluffs. If they do anything except kicking ass in scrums, look for McClelland and Tomko to have big days on Sunday, and look for Shelly to continue her torrid pace…and maybe get drunk at some point. The Bluffs will extend their winning streak to 9, with the only challenge of the three coming from a XdeathX team who will be hungry after last week’s embarrassment.
2) Team Donkey Punch- (#4 last week)
Though not having as good of a record as Hooiser Daddy, the Jarrod Clayton led Team Donkey Punch makes the quantum leap from 4th to 2nd this week, behind an impressive week four that saw them lay the smack down on the previously mentioned Hooiser Daddy. A semi healthy Clayton seemed to be the spark plug in week four, as he showed that he can still be a force inside despite not being at 100 percent. He also seems to have a quite a capable supporting cast, with Farrell, K-Unit, and Pat Lackey all playing extremely well right now. This could lead to some hurt feelings when star Jaime Morocco reuturns from her vacation. Who will Clayton sit down? How will they handle it? Rumor has it that Clayton may in fact be looking into trading one of his four horseman, perhaps to a team on which they are more needed. Who would Clayton want in return? Think BIG….real big (as in a 400 lb. on and of again captain.) Team Donkey Punch faces two hungry opponents in week five, and both Hoosier Daddy and XsacX will be out to prove something when they face Clayton’s squad. I think Donkey Punch plays two close games, beating Hoosier Daddy but loosing to big game from Kip Corbett and XdeathX.
3) Hoosier Daddy- (#1 last week)
After being number one in the rankings last week, Hoosier Daddy’s magical string of unlikely wins came to an end, and the young team got their asses handed to them by Donkey Punch and barely edged out an inferior All Star team, and this was at the Hoosier Daddy home court. This level of play should pick up once Mickey Morocco returns and the trio of high schoolers is reunited. What stands in front of their having a good week in week 5? Well, the Jukebox Heroes shouldn’t be that much of a threat, but Donkey Punch totally dominated this team last week. It will be interesting to see how the young team reacts. I forsee Bryan Frankovich and company beating up on the heroes, but loosing both the scrum and the game to a better Donkey Punch team.
4) PJ & the Ladies- (#6 last week)
No, PJ & company don’t have as good of a record as xDeathx. No, their diamond in the rough in Stud Frankovich probably wont be appearing this week. No, PJ’s season hasn’t been stellar, and no, Andy Esenwein has not been found banging some guy in the shower and been thrown from boot camp just yet. So, what do the Ladies have that ranks them above XdeathX this week? They have confidence. They are on a three game winning streak, with two of these wins coming sans Rando and PJ. They are going in the completely opposite direction of J-Bidds black storm. So, for this week at least they find themselves in the four spot. They had better enjoy it though, as I don’t see them doing to well this week, facing a bitter xdeathx team and the purple PJ eaters as well. It will be a tough week for the ladies despite an excellent week for Rando, PJ and Lenny Crist.
5) xDeathx- (#3 last week)
Dropping in the rankings like a Shelly Goodpastor homerun attempt are the Jon Biddle led xDeathx squad. After an awful week at la casa de Frankovich, Biddle and his band of ringers will be looking to prove that they simply aren’t worse than PJ and the Ladies. The problem that I see the team having right now is that they simply haven’t been working well as a team. A certain smoker has even been quoted as saying that they have been working as well together as Ted and his diet. This does not bode well for the green and black death squad. I suggested several things the team might try in “Fact or Fiction” so I wont go into that. The main things is that 4 players shooting solo homers and J-Bidd missing singles just ain’t going to cut it. The rookies need to step it up a notch to replace the veteran leadership that went out with Ben Eliot’s knee. While the double bluffs hit their 3 games in one day at a good time, xdeathx does not. While I don’t like their chances in the rookie of the year rematch with Goodpastor and the Double Bluffs, I think they upset Donkey Punch and Jon Biddle hurdles young no name lackey for an assist in a victory against PJ and the Ladies.
6) Teddy’s Short Bus All Stars- (#5 last week)
What’s there left to say about this team. They have two of my favorite players and people in the league, and they have Ted also. Ted’s been doing a much better job of captaining this time around, but in the end he just doesn’t have the firepower. It should be noted that Ted had an excellent week last week, while rookie Jeff Polini shit the bed. Don’t be surprised to see much less of Polini and much more of Ted (this includes his ass) at a court he has played at for over 5 years. Hopefully we can get Ted drunk and he’ll pass out before his team plays. If not, sorry Polini. Like Ted and a physical exam, the All Stars lose a heartbreaker to Jukebox and get mauled by the Bluffs. But, unlike the exam, weed will not be to blame.
7) Jukebox- (#7 last week)
All we can hope for is that Danielle will show up and bring some hot friends. Jukebox doesn’t win.