| 22) JASON BETTS (26.5)- what he does on the baseketball court may not always look pretty, but it often works. and hell if it doesn't get the fans loving him. betts went from loveable loser for most of his career to loveable pretty good player last year. if jason continues imrove at the rate he has in the last 12 months, by late 2007, we predict an mvp trophy. 23) BEN ELLIOT (26)- ben, too, is big and white and likes to steal things. the major difference between him and jon biddle, however, is the lack of skill. or so we are to assume, anyway, since little eddie gilliland refused to let ben play for more that 2 innings a game in '03. 2004 should give ben an oppurtunity to shine, and expect ben to take that oppurtunity and run with it. cause if we know anything about ben elliot, it's that he likes to take stuff and run with it. 24) BIG RANDO KNIGHT (25.5)- how can a 3 time sbl all-star and 3-time abl all-american find himself at 24 on the ranking list? by graduating from college and getting a job with nasa which will, in all likelihood, keep him from setting foot onto an sbl court in '04. if he goes this low and can play, his captain will reap major rewards. 25) BRIAN MAY (25)- brian played one week's worth of games in 2003 for gonads & strife (it should be noted that he was only called to come one week, however), and blew major in both of them. but his talent cannot be denied, and considering that his entire team played horridly that week, we can't assume that he's that bad of a player. bonus points go out for b-dogg opening the door to a wealth of untapped talent in his group of friends. JEFF MEYERS (25)- is it worth wasting a draft pick on someone who will only come twice all summer at best? if it's jeffybug, the answer is yes. besides being a seasoned veteran of the sbl, jeff is also a talented all-around athlete who's desire to win, and trample all those who oppose him, is unheard of amongst the game's players. 27) TIM MEYERS (24)- twin of jeff falls slightly behind his brother in the rankings simply because he's even less likey to come. unless maybe you tricked him into thinking it was a no-shirt contest. 28) ERIN LEYDE (23.5)- the most athletic female ever to set foot on an sbl court, and just as, if not more competitve than any guy out there, erin has made a name for herself in this league so far on shooting homers. lots of them. and making lots of them, too. 19, in fact, in only 9 games played. can also go inside for the tip-in, but seldom needs to. 29) TONY MEROLILLO (23)- having never set foot on an sbl court, it is truly a guess putting him at 29. if nothing else, this fireplug of a highschooler should be helpful during scrums, but it is doubtful that anyone of his athletic ability wouldn't be a solid player. IAN HRICIK (23)- another sbl rookie? nope. ian actually played in one game for the gaylem fagisms in 2002. and that one game is when they set the record for most runs scored, and ian's .500 average didn't hurt. with president tomko strongly recruiting him for a comeback, it looks likely he'll be seen once again. bonus points awarded for burning esenwein with regularity in backyard football games. 31) LEE NESPOR (22.5)- loveable, funny, and working like mad to psyche people out. oh, and forget the movie hoosiers. the biggest upset in the world was when lee nespor won the 2003 homerun derby crown. 32) JASON BIDDLE (22)- once an sbl all-star, jason is another of the grizzled sbl veterans who is going off to make a name for himself in the real world this summer, not quite sure wether he'll be in pittsburgh or palm beach. if i were him, i'd pack my lifetime .500 average and head my 6'3 frame for the tropics. 33) SAMANTHA LYNN (21.5)- capable of being a top 20, even top 15 player, sam was a dissapointment in 2003, showing up for a scant 10 regular-season games and not playing at all in the postseason. is, however, a .450-.500 hitter and one hell of a looker. loses bonus points because she's liable to fail one of the league's many banned substance tests. 34) FRED SHAFFER (21)- yep, he'll be in georgia. a gamble anywhere in the top 30, even for a former mvp candidate. NOLAN VUJOVIC (21)- who? he's the really tall kid. who can shoot pretty decent, but is in the air force, preventing him from coming to more that a handful of games in '04. aside from his being tall, there's not a whole lot going on here. a good selection for a team of midgets or someone who likes looking at kneecaps. 36) LENNY CRIST (20)- sure, he puts all of his heart into each and every psyche-out, and he's a suprisingly good hitter, but he does have a 2 week suspension under his belt, plus he once sat out the championship series because he had to take a shit. unless you're pj & the ladies, you have to have very little intrest in winning to call this guys name come draft day. DENNIS LACKEY (20)- you've acquired billy weisberg, jason betts and lee nespor. in the late rounds, you're looking to pick up some psyche-outs from off your bench while keeping with the nice, funny, goofy guy theme. dennis is your man. on the upside, he's extremely reliable. on the downside, he's shit when it come to hitting. 38) JEN GAVALA (19)- gavala could be shelly goodpastor, if she came more often and wasn't always making out with mark tarkanick. tho she hasn't yet, there is a good chance jen could make it to half of the games in a season. she's always in town, and even when she's not, cleveland's not that far of a drive. just give her incentive to come. like, say, telling her tim meyers is gonna be in cleveland on sunday nites. or that there's a no-shirt contest going on. 39) CHRIS HVIZDAK (18.5)- in retirement since the infamous josh robbs swatting incident, hvizdak has trimmed the equivolent of 2 fionna apples from his frame and looks to be in his best shape since birth. perhaps he ould be convinced to make a comeback for the right coach in the right situation. if he does, you'd be amazed at how well he can knock down middle singles and doubles. 40) MARK METRO (18)- think big rando with more tattoos, more racial jokes, and more of a .300 batting average. 41) TORPEDO JOEL LEPAK (17)- you know how people say "there's one in every group". well joel's the one in the group of people we call the human race. he tosses granny shot airballs over the backboard in game-winning situations, burns the grand slam in his first at-bat, wears argyle socks and low-cut converses, dates twins, and drinks too much diet mountain dew. and god, we love him. except that this summer, he'll be living in michigan with his wife. ADAM FABIAN (17)- this area of the list is what we like to call "fair to decent players who may never show up, but are still better picks than the girls". 43) STEVE CONDO (16.5)- and this is where the girls start. condo will be in korea over the summer, but there's always the chance he'll get a couple weeks home either A) on vacation, B) cause he gets shot in the foot. by himself. or C) they find out he tucks his vagina between his legs. he gets an extra half bonus point cause he talks a lot of shit and plays while smoking. 44) DANIELLE HENNON (16)- the former miss gonad & strife, mcdonalds employee of the week, joe votino "special friend", and dogfart gallery spreadee can shoot pretty well (considering), although she's afraid to run in and break up double plays. she is reliable, only missing games when ex-boyfriends have graduation parties. bonus points for doin' it with the league president. WEEN FARMARTINO (16)- erin leyde erin scmeyde... the best non-male homer shooter in the sbl is christine farmartino. but will ween make a comeback after narrowly avoiding the least valuable player trophy last season?. probably not. 46) KATIE BURGER (15.5)- we're not quite sure how she's this low. but hey, the formula doesn't lie. if she last this late in the draft, we'll give fabes face. 47) SARAH ALLAN (15)- we're not even sure if she still dates kurt rodemoyer. if she doesn't, no big loss to the league. if she does, i'm one loud unskilled player from my goal of fifty. SEAN HOOD (15)- due to thinking with his penis instead of his head or heart, hood has been out of the sbl since july of last year, and his chances of coming back don't seem good. nevertheless, we'll add him into the draft mix for 2004, cause life is like a box of chocolates. currently getting big fat 0's in reliability and tipping in, sean can knock down big shots from time to time, and does have an sbl world championship ring and all-star appearance. 49) MARCY YONKEY (14.5)- did she even play last year? i don't think so. but she did come to most of the games under the alias of "claytonn's girlfriend". she looks like she'd be good at baseketball. of course, she looks like she'd be good at a lot of things if you know what i mean....yeah, you know what i'm sayin'. 50) CASSIE "THE ASSASIN" PYLE (13)- last year cassie led the league in penalty innings to innings actually played on the court with a 1 to 1 ratio. she also batted .500 in her two at-bats. she loses a bonus point because she dates the worst of the three nespor brothers. 51) GARY SWOGGER (12)- who better to round out the top fifty than the man who can surely be called "the worst player ever to play any sport ever". he's broken backboards, hearts, team winning streaks. he's dressed like the terminator and stood in the shadows. he's had sex. 2004 HOME |