| THE TOP 15 PERFORMACES IN SBL HISTORY for this list, compiled by some of the most important names and sexiest faces in the shenangahela baseketball league, we've taken not only the regular season performances (which account for all sbl statistical record) but also those big-time playoff outings. cause hey, it's the playoff performances that win the championships. so go ahead, dive in, and see if you had what it takes to be called "one of the best ever". 15) BILLY PICCIOTTO 7 FOR 9, 7 HR, 13 RBI 2004 SEASON, WEEK 8: XDEATHX 23, H.DADDY 7 picciotto, 11 games into his rookie campaign, came within a hair of breaking the sbl single-game homer record when he nailed seven longballs in a game shortened to 6 innings by the mercy rule. in the first stanza of the contest, picciotto hit two homers, and barely missed becoming only the second player in sbl history to knock down all three in an inning when his 2-out attempt went in and out. picciotto's effort sparked xdeathx to it's only regular-season win over hated rival hoosier daddy. 14) DENNIS LACKEY 9 FOR 15, 2 HR, 8 RBI, 6 PSYCHE OUTS 2004 SEASON, WEEK 5: H.DADDY 16, D.PUNCH 23 dennis lackey had already set the sbl single-game psyche out record a few weeks prior, but he ensured his spot as the greatest psyche-out artist in sbl history with this 6-pack performace in a shorthanded loss to donkey punch in week 5. as he had all season, lackey packaged his impressive psyche-out numbers with solid all-around offense, and while he came up a bit short in this contest, it was lackey who was the driving force behind hoosier daddy's run to the finals. 13) JON BIDDLE 5 FOR 8, 2 RBI, 9 DP 2004 SEASON, WEEK 7: XDEATHX 7, SJ2B 8 after 4 seasons of 8-double play games, jon biddle fittingly became the first player in league annals to hit the magic 9 mark in his teams week 7 nailbiter against the double bluffs. biddle, who had been piling up the put-backs all season long, quietly tipped in his ninth d.p. with the game tied in the bottom of the ninth, but a shelley goodpastor solo homer would keep bidd from going for 10 in extra innings. most people, perhaps even biddle himself, were unaware the record had been broken as the action of one of the tightest games of the season kept focus off the individual record. 12) NATE TOMKO 9 FOR 15, 5 HR, 10 RBI, 2 D.P. 2001 SEASON, WEEK 8: ASS CLOWNS 13, UNDEPENDABLES 9 tomko, well on his way to his first sbl player of the year trophy, became the first sbl-er ever to record 5 homers and 10 rbi in a game as he led his team past a very tough purple undependable squad and locked up the top seed in the inaguaral sbl playoffs. in a time when runs were scarce, and teams seldom scored ten in a week, tomko's game was one for the ages. 11) TERRANCE WAREHAM 4 FOR 9, 3 HR, 11 RBI 2001 SEASON, WEEK 8: UNDEPENDABLES 13, B.HEROES 2 hammy wareham didn't wait long to snap the single-game rbi record set by nate tomko (#12) when, in the very next game, put up an astronomical 11 runs batted in. perhaps even more impressive, however, where hammy's 2 grand slams (one traditional bases-loaded homer, one from real friggin' deep), a record that still stands in today's tally-happy era. 10) JARED CLAYTON 8 FOR 10, 5 HR, 16 RBI, 4 D.P. 2003 SBL CHAMPIONSHIP: T.H.B. 21, WEENISES S.B. 6 clayton makes his first of two appearances on this list with his showing in the clinching game of the 2003 finals, a 15-run, 6-inning decimation on the weenises strike back. clayton, who had been destroying the sbl all postseason, put the finishing touches on one of the finest two weeks of baseketball ever with this gem, which may have gone down in history as the greatest finals performace ever had it not been for what clayton did one game prior. 9) ANDY ESENWEIN 7 FOR 11, 6 HR, 10 RBI, 3 D.P. 2002 SEASON, WEEK 9: GAYLEM FAGISMS 12, PJ&L 10 JON BIDDLE 7 FOR 11, 7 HR, 8 RBI, 4 D.P. 2003 SEASON, WEEK 5: VCM 16, LUNCHBOX HERO 10 this tie for ninth place comes courtesy of a pair of rookies who broke the single-game sbl homer records. andy esenwein, a mohawked junior highschooler who had been brought into the league only weeks earlier, only to be left high and dry by his captain jeff meyers, decided to take his team on his back down the stretch. as a result andy put up what was, at the time, the greatest homer shooting display ever. not to be outdone, jon biddle waited a mere 9 games into his initial season to dethrone esenwein when, at ass clown outdoor arena, the man with 1 total career homer coming into the game dropped through his first 6 attempts of the game and seven of 10 to etch his name into the sbl record books. in addition to their homer shooting prowess, both biddle and esenwein put up fine all-around games, with esenweins's securing his team a playoff spot and biddle's pushing his squad into the #2 position in the sbl. 8) NATE TOMKO 9 FOR 12, 4 HR, 14 RBI, 1 ASSIST, 5 D.P. 2004 SEASON, WEEK 6: SJ2B 27, H.DADDY 15 tomko's team had won 9 in a row coming into this contest, their last (and only) defeat coming at the hands of hoosier daddy 5 weeks earlier. looking to enact some revenge, the double bluffs found themselves in an early hole. the always-intense tomko was fouled on an attempted assist by bryan frankovich, and retaliated by shoving the young hacker to the pavement. the act rightfully landed tomko in the penalty box, and in his abscence, hoosier daddy built a 5-run lead. when tomko finally emerged from the sin bin, he had been penalized 3 shots, which would be the only 3 he would miss all game. highighted by tomko's 4 homers, 12 rbi and 4 d.p.'s in the final 4 innings, the bluffs turned the defecit into a commanding victory. 7) SHELLEY GOODPASTOR 9 FOR 9, 4 RBI 2002 SEASON, WEEK 1: R.T.S 15, NASTY PILLOW 0 playing in only her second sbl game, goodpastor sank all nine shots she attempted to complete the first perfect game in the league. amazingly, this marked the first and only time in the first 3 seasons any player made every shot in a game, and the feat wasn't duplicated until 2004 when rando knight hit 8 straight middle doubles in his jukebox hero win over xdeathx. goodpastor, however, became the only player to have 2 perfect games 6 weeks after knight's showing, when she went 8 for 8 in a game against pj & the ladies. the first 1.000 shooting game, however, remains the best, based solely on how long the record stood in spite of some of the best hitters in the league attempting to break it. 6) NATE TOMKO 10 FOR 12, 4 HR, 11 RBI, 1 GS, 5 ASST, 5 D.P. 2002 SEASON, WEEK 1: R.T.S 28, WEENISES 13 sparked by ween farmartino's 2 homers, the huge underdog weenises, comprised of lenny crist, jamie moroco and elysa farrell, jumped out to an early 8-1 lead against the preseason favorite ratchet thunder studs. tomko, however, was not to be denied, taking his team on his back over the final 8 innings of the contest, rattling off 10 straight extra-base hits including 3 homers (including a grand slam) and driving in 11. most impressive, however, were tomko's 5 assists, a record that hasn't come close to being broken in 3 years. 5) NATE TOMKO 11 FOR 16, 4 HR, 12 RBI, 2 AST, 6 D.P., 1 PSYCHE OUT: 2002, WEEK 9: R.T.S 21, WEENISES 20 nate tomko makes his way onto the top 15 performaces for the 4th time thanks to this 2002 showing against the weenises that marked the first time in history that a player recorded a homer, an rbi, and assist, a double play, and a psyche out. since this performance, the feat has only been duplicated once, 2 seasons later by tomko. this terrific all-around display was made even more impressive by tomko's go-ahead 3-run homer in the top of the ninth and game-ending double play in the bottom. |
| 4) NATE TOMKO 13 FOR 15, 3 HR, 11 RBI, 2 AST, 3 DP: 2003 PLAYOFFS, RD 2: G&S 18, T.H.B. 21 more jaw-dropping than tomko's stats in this contest were the conditions in which he achieved them. in a torrential downpour at auschwitz gardens, tomko's gonads & strife squad was locked in an intense best of 3 series with the heartbreakers when the 2003 player of the year went to work, putting up one of the best games ever in some of the worst conditions ever. understaffed with only tomko, and rookies lee nespor and addam stainbrook, the top seeded gonads gave the heartbreakers of jared clayton all they could handle for 9 straight innings, eventually culminating in a last-second loss to the eventual world champs. 3) NATE TOMKO 11 FOR 14, 5 HR, 18 RBI, 1 AST, 4 D.P.: 2004 SBL CHAMPIONSHIP: SJ2B 30, H.DADDY 24 the serbian jew double bluffs came into the 2004 championships on an 18-game win streak and found themselves a heavy favorite over hoosier daddy. having locked up a bye to the finals, the bluffs had sat for a full 3 weeks, and the rust showed as most of the lineup came out dead while hoosier daddy sprung quickly to a 10-run lead. the bluffs weathered the storm, leaning on tomko's steady offense, and eventually turned the game around. tomko's 5 homers and 18 rbi are good for second all-time in postseason history. 2) SHELLEY GOODPASTOR 10 FOR 12, 8 HR, 19 RBI: 2004 SEASON, WEEK 4: SJ2B 26, JUKEBOX HERO 6 shelley goodpastor, who had spent most of her sbl career up to this point as a leadoff hitter who rarely had the oppurtunity to drive in runs or step behind the triple line, finally got her oppurtunity to shine in the fourth week of the 2004 season. matt mcclelland sat himself, nate tomko and jon olsavsky and allowed shelley to play jukebox with a rookie-laden lineup featuring a pair of high school honies in katie kelly and aryn christman and defensive specialist addam stainbrook. the results of the j.v.-lineup were phenomenal as goodpastor took on the role of longball hitter, much to the urging of the crowd, and bucketed a new sbl record 8 homer and 19 runs batted in. she hasn't been able (or perhaps willing) to duplicate this feat since, but for at least one day, shelley proved that she's much more than a one-dimensional leadoff hitter. 1) JARED CLAYTON 14 FOR 17, 7 HR, 25 RBI, 5 D.P.: 2003 CHAMPIONSHIP: T.H.B. 34, WEENISES S.B. 11 jared clayton won himself an sbl world championship, a playoff m.v.p. award, and the top spot in our greatest performances ever list with this ridiculous line in the 2003 finals. coming into the playoffs as the 6th and final seed, clayton and co. had knocked off perennial favorites pj & the ladies and the top seeds gonads & strife behind the phenomenal postseason play of clayton, and had set up this battle with the red-hot weenises for the earnest. while everyone expected a shootout between two of the highest scoring squads in the league, nobody expected what jared did in only 6 innings of work. batting behind always-on-base elysa farrell and almost-always on base kurt rodemoyer, clayton repeatedly found himself in position to knock down 3-run homers and seldom dissapointed. by setting postseason highs in hits, homers and runs batted in, clayton will go down in history as one of the greatest big-game players ever. HONORABLE MENTION: - big rando's perfect 8-for-8 game in 2004 - jamie moroco's 11 for 15, 4 rbi debut in 2001 - ryan martell's 5 for 6, 5 hr, 9 rbi game in which he nearly led his winless crackalakalakan squad to an upset of the rts in 2002 - brandon mckendry's 7 homer 15 rbi gem against donkey punch in 2004 - jon olsavsky's 10 for 12, 5 ribbie, 3 psych-out showing in the '04 finals - elysa farell's trifecta of 13+ hit outings in the 2003 postseason - nate tomko about 10 more times - jared clayton about 5 more times PRESIDENT 2005 |