| THE TOP TEN MOST ENTERTAINING PLAYERS IN SBL HISTORY 10) adam fabian as entertaining as fabes is as he's telling stories about buying rubbers shortly after midnite while on vacation with his parents, then leaving the reciept in plain view for the whole family to see, it's not so much fabes' personality that makes him entertaining. it's his mere presence. this poor young man has his name right at the top (in bold writing, mind you) of the pj & the ladies fuck-with list. the catalyst for all of the pj&l evil surely deserves a place as one of the sbl's most entertaining players. wether he's single handidly winning a game for nasty pillow be taking punishment enough to get pj & the ladies entire roster thrown in the penalty box or writhing on the ground in agony as he's being humped mercilessly while being called a racist, purely and simply, fabes' presence is entertaining. 9) steve condo there are two types of funny people in this world. some people try to be funny and succeed (gallagher, dave chappelle), and other people are unintentionally funny (mike tyson, jessica simpson). condo falls into that second category. to me, hearing condo threaten to kick the ass of someone who would beat him like a drum is as funny as hearing a grown man threaten to eat somebody's children. to see him talk shit, then smoke a cigarette while shooting a middle homerun like he has no doubt it's going in, then watching the ball sail into a neighboring yard is as classic as watching a girl with her own television show realize that chicken of the sea is in fact not chicken at all. 8) neeley meyers the younger sister of sbl superstars/shirtless jackass twins tim and jeff meyers showed up once, played in two games, and did absolutely nothing entertaining for the first 17 1/2 innings and two outs. then, in a moment that ranks among the greatest in sbl history, neely notched the game winning psyche-out on jason betts in momentous fashion, lifting her top to reveal the most scrumptious set of 15-year old breasts in the universe. in a split second, neely went from a passing thought in the sbl to unforgettable. 7) lenny crist while i have my own opinions of where on the entertaininometer mr. crist belongs, the fact that he works so hard on psyche-outs solidifies him a spot at #7 on this list. sporting multicolored fleece shorts, rollerblades, a terrible haircut and an electric guitar while yelling (loudly) the most obscene things the elderly neighbors of the sbl courts have ever heard, lenny has gone down in as one of the most infamous entertainers in the league. and in life as well. 6) dennis lackey with potential to top this list by the end of this season, dennis has climbed to #6 based solely on his play in one game last season. during the sbl championship, with his team already down a game plus about 2 dozen runs, lackey went for the gusto by having a psyche-out picnic with jared clayton as the guest of honor. lackey worked as furiously over three innings as any person has ever worked on anything...ever, and it paid off as clayton missed 3 consecutive shots (he was batting nearly .900 for the day until that point) and fuzzyhead dennis registered 2 psyche-outs. if dennis can repeat his performace with any sense of regularity this season, his psyche-out total should be off the hizzy, and the whale will become as standard a p.o. as "steve perry". 5) lee nespor i had previously stated that there were two typed of funny in this world. i'm not sure where lee falls. like nobody else, lee tries desperatley to be funny. however, what he's yelling during games isn't really all that entertaining, it's the way he goes about delivering his psyche-outs that gets the crowd roaring. sporting a wardrobe that would make older brother pj yellow and brown with envy, in the patented lee nespor stance, (right toe forward, hands in the "chop" position, angrilly yelling about his opponents new haircut) lee is as bananas as they come. in addition, his winning of the sbl homerun derby last season proves he's got the two most entertaining plays in the sbl, the homer and the p.o., down to a science. 4 & 3) jared clayton & shelly goodpastor so far the word funny might as well have replaced entertaining at the top of this page. however, it's possible to be entertaining without being humorous. watching clayton and shelly play is truely entertaining. they're both excellent shooters that play the game right. clayton's performance in the '03 playoffs was phenomenal, and the way he controlled the championship series was enough to drop the jaw of even this two-time player of the year. perfection is also entertaining, and the shooting of shelly goodpastor is as perfect as you're gonna get. and in fact, in her first-ever sbl game, she was perfect, going 11 for 11 from the field. a spot on this list had to be reserved for the two most aesthetically pleasing players in the game. 2) torpedo joel lepak number 2 on a list of the sbl's most entertaining players would have to be both an honor and an insult to joel. while i'm sure he'll tell you he makes no effort to entertain anyone but himself and the other 16 people he shares a body with, there's nobody in the league that works harder to make people laugh (or sometimes just shake their heads in utter disbelief). and there's nobody in the league better at it, either. a few things you can expect from joel during an average game include, but are not limited to: shooting the grand slam on his first shot of the game, reguardless of the score or competition, shooting every shot at least 15 feet further into the air than it needs to be, at least one solid psyche out, at least 10 other instances that the defense probably should have been psyched-out but joel did something so ridiculous he actually psyched-out a psyche out, causing a double- negative of sorts in the space-time-continuum resulting in a made shot, argyle socks, and an appearance by the dolphin. and what can you expect during a good day for joel? how about a psyche-out so obliterating that the shooter just rolls the ball back to the ref and heads home? in addition to his own cartoonish antics, joel should also be credited with giving the most entertaining team in the league, pj & the ladies, it's personality. not to take anything away from founding fathers big rando knight and pj nespor, but pj & the ladies would have been a one-trick pony had joel not wandered onto their team and corrupted it as only he could. 1) ted gilliland the only man in the sbl big enough to wrestle the title of "most entertaining" away from the legend joel lepak is... well, the only man in the sbl this big. alone, ted's monsterous size, which is roughly that of the asteroid that slammed into earth and killed all the dinosaurs, would be more than enough to land him somewhere on this list. (and if he landed hard enough, he could wipe out a few more species...hehehe) but when you couple girth with zany antics, you have pure gold. ted plays the game as if he were a chris farley sketch about a guy who couldn't afford to get his zoloft prescription refilled. he yells. he screams. he threatens. he shows his ass. he tires while rounding second. and more importantly, he throws in a homer or double play every now and again to keep himself from becoming purely a sideshow. ted tops this list not because of one trait. he's #1 because as far as entertainers go, he's the total package. back |