| sbl 2006, week 1 may 21 ass clown outdoor arena CASHDOLLAR & ASSOCIATES 5 BUKKAKE TSUNAMI 9 the 2006 sbl season kicked off with a compelling matchup pitting the tsunami, captained by hall of famer big rando knight against danielle hennon's cashdollar team featuring longtime knight bedmate pj nespor. this game marked the first time in the well over 180 games between the two that nespor and knight would be lining up on opposite sides of the ball. the game, and season, began as so many before it; with every player coming out cold looking to shake off the rust resulting in a pretty boring and low scoring contest. the home team tsunami, having earned that right thanks to a knight victory over nespor in the pregame scrum, opened the scoring when ben smith drove in leadoff hitter patrick nespor with a double. cashdollar failed to score in each of the first four innings, registering only 3 hits in that time frame, and bukkake tsunami slowly added to their run total, going three straight from the double line in both the third and fourth innings to give themselves a 5-0 cushion after four. the cash offense finally came to life in the fifth when mikey moroco's three-bagger plated the elder nespor, then again an inning later when moroco's 2-run jack highlighted a three run spurt to bring the pink to within 4-5. team rando answered right back in the bottom half of the inning, however, scoring three in a row as each team member tallied an extra-base hit. each team would get one more in the eighth, but it wouldn't be enough for cashdollar as the tsunami defense tightened up to hold on for the win. ben smith paced the victors with a 7 for 9, 5 rbi outing. rando knight's 3 double plays led the defense, but he also flirted with the single game record for dumb things, chalking up three. for the losers, mike moroco finished with 4 hits in 8 at bats with 3 ribbies and a quartet of double plays. THE FRANKENBITCHES 15 JUKEBOX HERO 2 (7 INNINGS) even with jukebox captain dennis lackey passing on the chance to play for his actual team, jukebox had little shot against the powerful lineup of team frankenbitch. led by a 10 for 14, 5 rbi performance from jon olsavsky and an 8 for 14, 6 rbi, 5 double play line from bryan frankovich, the 'bitches had built a 6 run lead before jukebox found their way onto the scoreboard. and when they finally did in the bottom of the fourth, the frankenbitches had even lounder answers, to the tune of 4 in the 6th and 5 in the seventh to seal it. jukebox failed to register a hit until the fourth when lee nespor drilled a leadoff solo homer. dennis lackey did the same thing in the top of the seventh to record the other jukebox run. also playing for jukebox were rookies jason jennings and scott lewis. greg lackey aided the frankebitches with 4 rbi, 2 double plays and a psyche out. TEAM WET DREAM 17 THE MINORI-TEAM 11 the minoriteam, one of the few teams playing at full strength for week one, seemed to be one of the few offenses at ass clown arena on opening day that would be able to keep pace with katie kelly and her run-scoring machine, and for most of the game, they did just that. after winning the scrum handily and opting for home, the minorities got the ball rolling right away with a double play from terry hall on leadoff hitter katie kelly's missed single. wet dream would manage 2 runs in the inning as they knocked down 4 consecutive hits after that, but back to back middle shots from matt mcclelland and billy weisberg putteam hayden right back into the game. the minoriteam got another double play from hall in the second, and this time they were able to capitalize, keeping the powerful offense off the board. then, much to the dismay of wet dream, they tallied 4 more in the bottom of the second, capped off by a matt mcclelland 2-run homer, to take a 5-2 lead after two. after sacrificing their lead thanks to a pair of twd big middle innings in which they failed to register a double play, hayden and co. found themselves in a 12-5 hole, but had enough left in them for one more run as they would respond to wet dreams 4-run fifth with 5 of their own, once again highlighted by a mcclelland 2-run job, to cut the wet dream lead to 12-10. it would be as close as the black and gold would get, sadly, as their offense froze up over the final four innings while the visitors would slowly build on their cushion. a terry shernisky double play with 2 aboard in the bottom of the ninth would put the final nail in the minori-coffin. mcclelland led the losers with a 7 for 10 outing with 4 rbi. terry hall finished with a trio of double plays. for the winners, sherry ternisky registered 6 rbi and 5 double plays on 7 for 13 marksmanship. katie kelly went 9 for 13 with 5 driven in from the leadoff slot. BUKKAKE TSUNAMI 8 LIVE SEX CELEBRATION 9 live sex celebration managed to get the duke in their season opener, albeit barely, despite being short three key clogs in their lineup. with shelley goodpastor in florida, ben elliott in germany, and andy esenwein god knows where, the jade dome looked primed to drop their first one to a bukkake tsunami squad fresh off a win against another shorthanded team, cashdollar and associates. after nate tomko outmuscled pat lackey in the first ladder scrum of the season, bukkake got right to work, scoring their leadoff hitter pat nespor with a ben smith double, then loading the bases before a tomko double play prevented any more damage from being done. the cold seemed to effect lsc, as they managed only a jamie moroco single in the first before a rando kight d.p. ended the inning with the tsunami clinging to a 1-0 lead. team rando would add a pair in the second with the 3-straight double manuever which is becoming their calling card. once again, the celebration had no response. finally, in the third, after surrendering another run to fall behind 4-0, team tomko got on the board when kip corbett tripled in tomko, then again when moroco's single brought in corbett. after trading runs over the next few innings, live sex trailed 7-6 with 3 left to play when tomko followed his own middle homer miss for the put-back, brining in both teammates to grab their first lead of the campaign. from there, the stellar defensive tandem of corbett and tomko were able to hold on, limiting the tsunami to 2 hits in the final handful of innings. for live sex, who sent 8 less players to the plate, tomko finished with a respectable7 for 11, 5 rbi, 6 double play outing. corbett added 3 ribbies and a pair of d.p.'s. in a losing effort, ben smith tallied 5 hits, 3 rbi and 2 double plays. pat nespor led his team with 6 hits. JUKEBOX HERO 9 CASHDOLLAR & ASSOCIATES 12 spurred by an appearance by the bearded behemoth lenny "manson" crist, grand slam extraordinaire, jukebox hero came within a hair of winning an opening day game for the second time in as many years. unfortunately, cashdollar's mikey moroco had other thoughts, taking his squad on his back throughout the contest. moroco put up a 7 for 10, 3 homer, 10 rbi, 2 double play line and, thanks to his drilling his first six shots, saw his team jump out to a 7-1 lead on heavy the heavy underdogs consisting of two rookies and cassie pyle. but crist, who nobody had really heard from in waaay long, got his team back into it with an unbelieveble two-out grand slam in the bottom of the sixth to pull his team to within 9-10. however, it would be the last set of runs, or even hits, for that matter, as even the biddle-less cashdollar was able to put the kibosh on the rather stagnant jbh offense. aside from moroco's superb game, cash got a 6-hit, 2 rbi game from leadoff hitter and captain danielle hennon, as well as 3 double plays from rookie phenom ray "sweetwater" cataline. for jukebox, lenny put up a helluva stat line consisting of 5 for 8 shooting, 5 rbi, a double play and a pair of psyche-outs. |
| THE MINORI-TEAM 1 LIVE SEX CELEBRATION 9 save one good inning at the end, live sex celebration looked like shit for much of the game. fortunately for them, they ran into a team who looked like shit after a week of la isla in the minoriteam, and were able to win a game they probably should have lost in rather easy fashion. the minorities plated leadoff hitter matt mcclelland with terry hall's three-bagger in the first, then registered only 5 more hits the entire game as tomko and corbett double played them from that point on. the celebration, who weren't fairing that much better, got two in the third when corbett tripled, jamie moroco scored him with a single, and tomko followed with a 3-base hit of his own to give them all the runs they would require. they added 3 runs over the course of the fifth, sixth and seventh to expand their bulge to 5-1, then broke the floodgates open with a pair of tomko 2-run jobs in the eighth to all but end the day for the minori-team. tomko collected a days-best 7 double plays to go with his 7 hits and 7 rbi. jamie moroco finished for 10 out of the one-hole, and while he didn't put up huge numbers, corbett was praised for his unselfish play down low, often freeing up tomko for big double plays with his solid boxing out. terry hall had 4 hits in a losing (lost?) cause. TEAM WET DREAM 23 THE FRANKENBITCHES 11 the most offensive game of the day began with the most offensive scrum of the day, one in which terry shernisky, from an outstretched position on the ground, managed to rip the underwear of bryan frankovitch perfectly down the crack of his pasty white ass. for everyone on hand expect maybe mikey, this marked the first time anyone got a glimpse of franko-ass. perhaps fueled by bryan's ass, the frankenbitches shot out to a 4-1 lead over the first two innings as jon olsavsky went a perfect 4-for-4 with 2 ribbies over that time period. frankovich, meanwhile, kept the wet dream offense in check with a pair of timely double plays. it got ugly in the third. finally hitting their stride, katie kelly, aryn christman, lee nespor and shernisky did what we should come to expect in the third: drop shot after shot through and put a dime up on the scoreboard. the bloodletting began with a shernisky triple, but a missed single followed, one which the frank defense was unable to capitalize on. two batters later, another miss fell to the ground without a double play. given extra at-bats, wet dream went nuts, 7 consecutive-style, including a 2-run longball from sherry and a 3-run jack from aryn christman. shellshocked, the bitches went one-two-three in each of the next two innings, and wet dream piled on 3 more to make the count 14-4 after 4. dennis lackey came into the game in the fifth for the frankenbitches, and with him came a bit of heat, as the franks scored 6 unanswered to claw their way back into it. wet dream, however, put any though of a comeback to bed with 5 runs in the seventh punctuated by another shernisky 2-run homer. then, just for good measure, four final runs in the ninth topped off with, you guessed it, a shernisky 2-run homer. for the losing frankensteiners, bryan frankensteiner hit safely in 7 of 10 at-bats with 6 rbi and 6 double plays. jon olsavsky finished with 7 hits in 11 tries. dennis lackey produced 3 hits and 2 rbi off the bench. shernsiky had the game of the day for wet dream, a 9 for 11, 4 homer, 10 rbi gem with 3 double plays. both kelly and christman put through 7 of 11 attempts, but christman managed 9 rbi to kelly's 3. PLAYER OF THE WEEK: lenny crist: though not so much in game two, crist put up crazy un-lenny numbers for jukebox TEAM OF THE WEEK: live sex celebration: +8 run differential tops in the league. besides, with that lineup, wet dream should have gone 2-0. no way a depleted lsc should have. GAME OF THE WEEK: bukkake tsunami vs. lsc: no game was all that exciting, so we'll go with the only close one back |