With the 2004 SBL season drawing nearer and nearer and my finals almost finished, I can hardly contain myself. But, when the first scrum is over and the dust settles, who is going to be in the driver’s seat. Those who think this season is a two horse race are sadly mistaken, as the each team is within one ace up the sleeve from going from the Pirates to the Yankees of the SBL. Here are my ideas on how the season may unfold.


Team Jukebox Hero -

There is a reason that I picked them earlier this off-season to win 8 games. The Heroes have two things over all the other teams in the league. They have no pressure, and they will always show up. While teams like the SJ2B will face tremendous pressure to win, and fight with people not coming for a week here or there, the Heroes will always have a plethora of “3” caliber players from which to choose. Add this to the fact that people are picking them to do worse than Ted’s team, and this team has a very good chance to surprise a lot of people—not myself though. If this team can find a leader, We may just be seeing team reject in the playoffs.


The Serbian Jew Double Bluffs -

One the flip side of the no pressure, no problems coin are the SJ2B. Though Captain Matt McClelland and behind scenes grand wizard Nate Tomko have carefully planned their coup of the SBL this year, several questions still remain. How will second year player and captain McClelland fair when the ante is raised? Will he be able to ascend to the next level as far as his play goes? Will he be able to gain the trust and respect of the SBL Hall of Famers Tomko and Olsavsky, and next ballet HOFamer Goodpastor? Will Tomko be able to balance work and play? Will Jon and Stainbrook ever come? If this team can make it though the first few weeks without Tomko and Jon, they will be in good shape. McClelland will lean on the crutch of rookies and Goodpastor for the first couple weeks, then hope for the team to turn on the jets once Tomko returns. With big bad Nate, nice guy McClelland, and the moral compass of it all, Shelly, this team could be the real deal. Thrown into the mix are bound to be a few surprise rookies, some hot high school girls, and random wet T-shirt contests….or so we all hope.


Teddy’s Short Bus All-Stars -

Though many see this team climbing on the short bus and taking the long embarrassing ride home come playoff time, I may have to disagree. Yes, Ted’s draft was worse than a Barbara Streisand concert. Yes, he has the affinity for playing himself over Shaq. I would even concede the fact that he may be in worse shape than he was last year. But, Ted has something over everybody else in the league. People expect far less from the Big Man than he expects from himself. Ted is capable of hitting .400 if he can keep his head out of his ass and never go behind the double line. If Ted can avoid losing his cool and shooting the homer, playing himself on defense, and better manage his team, the fate of the VCM might be avoided this year. Helping his quest will be the great Billy Weisberg, my favorite superstar Lee Nespor, rookie Matt Macchia, and Ted’s own sister. You heard it here first that Billy is due for his best season ever. Look for him to step out of the shadow of Tomko and see his name in lights. As for Ted, look for a more humble and smart gorilla after last season’s embarrassing end. The X-factor in it all is Matt Macchia, who would be a 4 or 5 if he finds the game to his liking and suits up.


Team xDeathx/WSAC -

To me, this team is the most up in the air. After the top three, the roster consists of rookies or SBL enigmas. Though we can all pray that Big Pants Jesus suits up for at least one week, single game homer champ Jon Biddle may have his work cut out for him. J-Bidd has more ups than a 757, and he has the Al Bundyish boast of hitting 7 homers in a single game. When you team the high flying thief with rock solid Kip Corbett, this team might have the best defensive tandem in the SBL. The unproven cog in the Biddle machine has to be Big Whitey himself. Ben Eliot didn’t get to see much time last year under oppressive coach Teddy Ballgame. By taking B-Diddy with his first pick, Jon Biddle is banking on Ben Eliot playing every game. Look for this team to dominate the defensive side of the ball, with Ben Eliot putting on a Psyche-out bonanza (especially when playing Ted). Oh, and rookie Billy P. can play ball. If Kip can keep draining those middle doubles, and Biddle can harness the flashes of shooting greatness we saw last season, this team could smoke the league as well as a carton a week.


Team Donkey Punch -

Almost as much as I cant wait to see this team’s shirts, I also cant wait to see this team suit up. It will be more than interesting to see how this Clayton led bomb squad will fair coming off a near flawless 2003 postseason. I’m going to come out right now and say that with Nate Tomko in the deep south making chicken wings, Clayton may in fact become the big ticket of the SBL. He put to rest the homer or die rumor last year, and his average will shoot up this year. The question on this team to me has to be K-Unit. As the Jackal and Hyde of the SBL, we never seem to know which Kurt is on the court. While I don't think Kurt will be the player he was in last year’s post season, I think he finally is adjusted to the game. He’ll be in the last half of the league in dumb things. Perhaps the best move that Clayton made was adding Jamie Morocco to the Donkey Punch mix. She will be the humble influence on a team that oozes machismo. If Farrell is a frequent player, I wouldn’t want to face this team in an important game. The sad part of this story is that my favorite Lackey might not get to see much playing time, when he should be an every inning player.


Hoosier Daddy -

Whenever your team’s success depends on two guys who can’t drive, pot smokers, and a man child with a third leg impeding him, there is bound to be a possibility for disaster. Until I found out that the team name was stolen from an ESPN online column, I saw big things for "Franoco.” In Tark, they picked up one of the best players in the league. In trading away Pat Lackey, they kicked themselves in the undescended testicles. With Tark bound to miss more than a few weeks, they may have to look elsewhere. I don’t know much about Phil Jones, but he may be called upon by the K-Y connection to carry the load, as well as drive them to games. Tark really really really needs to come to every game, or this could be the team that faces the embarrassment of getting beaten by Ted’s team.


PJ & The Ladies -

NEWS FLASH TO THE LEAGUE: FEAR THIS TEAM! Among the rumblings that I have heard this off season, none of them seem to consider PJ and company a contender. Obviously, the other teams didn’t get the memo or look at the rosters. The off-season for the Ladies was a masterful scheme that would make anyone working for the WWF jealous. Using dirty handed smoke and mirrors, the Ladies now have a starting three that consists of PJ, Rando, and Esenwein. This was a good team last year that competed every game. So, now they are adding one of the most prolific hitters ever into the mix. Coming off the bench you have Sam Lynn and rookie Brendan Radcliffe. If this team plays serious, the world as we know it may be in trouble.