| sbl 2006, week 9 july 30 the tubbietronic superdrome JUKEBOX HERO 20 CASHDOLLAR & ASSOCIATES 17 with both teams desperately seeking a win in their 19th game of the season, jukebox to stay in the playoff hunt and cashdollar to lock up a spot in th postseason, both teams put up unusually high offensive numbers in this week-opening contest. the jukebox heroes, consisting of billy weisberg, erin hayden, kip corbett and ando knight had just enough in the tank to pull out the huge with over the mike moroco-less cash to keep their slim playoff hopes alive. in the early stages of the game, the two squads battled back and forth as expected from a pair of teams clinging to playoff life. after holding their opponents scoreless through two innings, cash started the bottom of the secong with five consecutive hits, including a 2-run triple from dank elly, to build a 4-0 lead after two. the 'box answered right back with four of their own in the third, knocking down four in a row of their own capped by a corbett 2-run homer to knot the game, albeit briefly. cash would get a big assist from jon biddle on a danielle hennon miss to plate himself and momentarily give cash a one-run lead. this would continue over the next handful of innings, as neither team seemed able to build any sort of substantial lead until the bottom of the sixth. holding an 8-6 lead, cash would suddenly catch fire. a dank elly 3-run homer would be the catylyst for a 6-run inning to seemingly blow the roof off the close contest. now trailing by an insurmountable lead, jukebox would fail to put a runner on base in their next at-bat, and the wind seemed to be taken out of their playoff sails. in the top of the 7th, still up eight, jon biddle tipped in haydens leadoff single attempt for a double play. looking to get his team back into the fray, corbett lined up and hoisted a grand slam attempt that went off the rimn and towards biddle. for some reason, biddle opted not to bring the ball back down, but instead tossed it directly to the charging kip who, after his first attempt rimmed off, finally got his grand slam to drop in. "biddle's blunder", as it would be known, almost cost cash a spot in the playoffs, and as you'll see later, cost his team this important game. with momentum now on thier side, jbh would score three more times in the seventh, then keep cash off the bases before plating five more in the eighth to take an 18-14 lead, going on a 12-0 run to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. each team would add a few runs in the ninth, but the shocked cash was not able to overcome "biddle's blunder". billy weisberg paced jukebox with a 6 for 10 outing with a homer, 3 rbi and 4 double plays. corbett added 5 hits, 3 homers and 10 rbi, while rando knight dropped in 6 shots and drove in 3. for the losers, dank elly hit on 6 fo 11 attempts with a homer and 7 rbi. ray cataline and jon biddle evenly divided 8 double plays. TEAM WET DREAM 19 THE MINORI-TEAM 10 looking to snatch some momentum away from the league-leading team wet dream heading into the playoffs, the minori-team seemed to have all the tools to do it. for the first time in a long time, the minorities had their full team in attendance, and with weisberg and hayden fresh off a huge upset of cashdollar while playing for jukebox, the black and gold had all their ducks in row to steal some thunder from wet dream and lock up the sbl's third seed in the playoffs. only problem was the minori-team forgot to show up. in a contest that was nowhere near as close as the 19-10 final score indicated, wet dream had their way with the minorities right from the gate, scoring with ease in every single inning as their opponents struggled mightily to slow down the assault. even without aryn christman, who was finishing up her two-week sabbatical in brain surgey camp (no, really), the three-headed monster of katie kelly, lee nespor, and terry shernisky was domininant. kelly finished the game with 6 hits in 14 at-bats, while lee nespor knocked down three homers and drove in five. not to be outdone, terry shernisky went 11 for 14 from the field, including six homer, with 12 ribbies and 2 double plays. for the minori-teamerin hayden went 6 for 10 with five rbi. mcclelland also tallied 6 hits, but tipped in 5 double plays. THE MINORI-TEAM 17 BUKKAKE TSUNAMI 12 left high and dry by his two best teammates, big rando knight and his bukkake tsunami fought bravely in this battle for the postseason, but came up just short against a minoi-team that finally found their shooting touch. with both ben smith and pat lackey missing in action, rando was forced to field a team of pat nespor and heather kendall, who he had acquired from team wet dream for 25 cents momoents before the game. the results went as expected, with the minorities jumping to an early 7-0 lead, then never letting the tsunami get closer than the five-run cushion they ended the game with. though bukkake did show promise, scoring all twelve of their runs in a 4-inning stretch from the third to the sixth to make the final score respectable, they were just too overmatched against the big, athletic minorities, and were manhandled on the inside by terry hall, matt mcclelland and billy weisberg, who combined to tip in a double play in every inning as well as two assists. knight led the victors with 5 hits in 13 attempts with 5 rbi and 4 doubleplays. kendall added 2 rbi on 7 of 12 marksmanship. for the victors, matt mcclelland drove in seven runs on 9 of 12 shooting. billy weisberg added 6 hits and three at-bats, while terry hall had a game-high 6 double plays. THE FRANKENBITCHES 7 LIVE SEX CELEBRATION 2 with both teams having only two players at the start of the contest, and only one team having anything to play for, the outcome of the game went pretty much as planned. the frankenbitches needed a win to get into the playoffs, while live sex was locked into the second seed win or lose. to compound the meaninglessness of the game, live sex sported a roster of only nate tomko and kip corbett, while the frankenbitches had only bryan frankovich and derek lockovich in atrendance. not suprisingly, both teams were hampered by the out they received every third at-bat, and the only scoring over the first six innings came in the top of the first when lockovich scored frankovitch with a 2-out single. the squads yawned their way over the next five innings until ben elliott appeared on the horizon, triumphantly sprinting onto the court and giving live sex the spark they needed... to finally score their first run of the game. elliott led off the seventh with a triple, then was knocked in two batters later by corbett to knot the high-scoring affair at 1 heading into the eighth. perhaps realixing their playoff life hung in the balance, the ovitches combined for 5 hits, including a frank homer, to score five runs in the frame and build a huge 6-1 lead on their sleeping opponents. in the inning, will williamson accounted for all three outs. the game was over from there, as lsc would add one more, but never threaten. frankovich led the winners with a 7 for 12 outing with 2 homers and 5 rbi. in the field, frank tipped in 7 d.p.'s. tomko tipped in five double plays in a losing effort. |
| BUKKAKE TSUNAMI 7 LIVE SEX CELEBRATION 12 needing a win to keep pace with the frankenbitches for the final playoff spot, bukkake tsunami got no love from a live sex team that had, only moments earlier, handed the 'bitches a disgraceful win. once again playing with only knight, kendall and nespor, the tsunami watched live sex go from struggling to overpowering in a matter of moments. after scoring only two their entire previous game, the celebration plated 12 in the first six innings of this one, highlighted by nate tomko's 8 for 12, 8 homer, 11 rbi, 6 double play outing. with their captain finally finding his stroke, ben elliott and kip corbett followed suit, hitting the little shots to keep runners on base for him. the end result was a mollyshopping that, had i not been for bukkake's 7-run sixth, would have been a lot uglier. already down 12-0, and having registered only three hits all game up to that point, the tsunami made the final score a little less one sided by knocking down 9 consecutive hits, inclusing two-run jacks from nespor and knight, to get themselves into the game. after that, however, live sex clamped down the defense, notching double plays in the final 3 innings while keeping bukkake off the bases altogether. knight went 5 of 11 with 4 rbi in a losing effort with 3 double plays. JUKEBOX HERO 0 LIVE SEX CELEBRATION 17 (6 INNINGS) playing in their third game in a row, live sex celebration continued to stay as hot as they were in their dismantling of bukkake tsunami to end the season on a terrific note.. playing a very tough jukebox team of job biddle, dank elly, lee nespor and derek lockovich, live sex got an sbl record-tying 9 homers from nate tomko in only 5 innings of work. the stingy live sex defense, meanwhile, limited the jukebox offense to only one hit, a sixth inning triple by derek lockovich that was only registered because ben elliott intentionally referred to lockovich as "gay" in attempt to get tomko another at-bat to break the record in the bottom of the inning. tomko finished with 9 homers in 10 attempts with 16 rbi and 3 double plays. ben elliott added a 5 for 9 outing with a double play and an assist. the loss officially knocked jukebox out of the playoff picture. live sex finished the season at 13-7. THE FRANKENBITCHES 24 CASHDOLLAR & ASSOCIATES 10 finally having a full repertoire of players at it's disposal, the frankenbitch run scoring machine was set to high in this one as the 'bitches scored 24 to lock up a playoff spot in dynamic fashion. all three members of the bitches exploded in this one, which was about as close the previous game. in fact, just to let you know how bad this one got, both derek lockovich and mike frankovich registered assists on jon biddle, begging cashdollar's pj nespor to ask of biddle where his pride was. biddle had no answer, perhaps because he had no pride at that moment. derek lockovich hit on 10 of 17 shots with a homer and 7 rbi. bryan frankovich finished with 8 of 16 shooting with 4 longblls and 9 rbi, as well as a trio of double plays defensively. mike frankovichcollected 9 hits and 8 rbi. cashdollar, who played without captain danielle hennon, mike moroco or dank elly, got a 9 for 14, 1 homer, 6 rbi, 3 double play, 1 assist line out of the prideless biddle. cataline added 4 rbi and a pair of double plays. the win vaulted the frankenbitches (9-11) to the fourth seed in the league and a date with archrivals the minori-team in the playoffs opening round next weekend. with the loss, cashdollar (8-12) would need team wet dream to defeat bukkake tsunami in the final game of the season to make the playoffs, though at the time we didn't know it... BUKKAKE TSUNAMI 1 TEAM WET DREAM 0 (1/2 AN INNING) with the intense heat driving all those in attendance mad, and the fact that, at the time, everyone thought this game to be completely unimportant in terms of playoff seeding, many of the sbl's players devised a plan to get home and take a shower a little sooner. as discussed with rando knight moments before the game, bukkake was to be the visiting team. as soon as they scored, the fans would storm the court, forcing referee ben elliott (also in on it) to call the game. a flawless plan to put an end to a meaningless game. as expected, bukkake opted to bat first, and knight himself led off the game with a solo homer. the fans rushed the court, nate tomko grabbed the garden hose, people got sprayed, chairs got thrown, and the 2006 sbl season came to cxlose as elliott called the game one batter in. bukkake would end the season at 8-12, seemingly out of the playoff picture. team wet dream would finish with the league's best record at 15-5. later, it would be discovered that the game was in fact not meaningless. with the win over wet dream, bukkake would have earned the final playoff spot over cashdollar & associates, who had been informed earlier that they would be in. in order to correct the mistake, the sbl offices declared that both teams would make the postseason, and be involved in a one-game tiebreaker to kick off the playoff. TEAM OF THE WEEK: THE FRANKENBITCHES : with their postseason hoped slipping away, the bitches beat live sex 2 on 3, then drop 2 dozen on cashdollar PLAYERS OF THE WEEK: NATE TOMKO, LSC : tied the sbl record with 9 homers in a game... in five innings of batting; ERIN HAYDEN, MINOR: third in the sbl in rbi (13) in week 9. amazing. GAME OF THE WEEK: WET DREAM/BUKKAKE : all two seconds of it SCHEDULE 2006 |