| sbl 2006, week 8 july 23 jailbait gymnasium JUKEBOX HERO 13 BUKKAKE TSUNAMI 12 rookie of the year frontrunner ray cataline's two-out solo homer in the top of the ninth would prove to be the difference maker in a game featuring the return of former r.o.t.y. dank elly to sbl. after spending a year in germany (the middle east) hanging out with germans (the taliban) and studying foreign culture (pipe bombs), dank didn't let down the millions (dozens) of adoring dank-ites out there, hitting on half of his ten shots and driving in two. jukebox, meanwhile, was beneficiary of all the electricity in the arena, and put forth one of their best showings of the season to stay in playoff contention. filling in for missing in action jukebox captain dennis lackey, billy weisberg had more than enough firepower at his disposal in elly, cataline and the minori-teams jeremy battyani, and quickly jumped out to a 5-1 lead after their second at-bat. the tsunami struck right back in the home half of the second. highlighted by a rare two-run homer from rando knight, the blue and white exploded for 7 runs and 9 hits to take a 3-run lead. the tsunami would add three more in the bottom of the fourth thanks in large part to pat nespor's pair of triples, and looked to be in total command of the game with an 11-5 cushion. unfortunately, things quickly unraveled for big rando's troops. the minori-teams contribution to the yellow mesh finally found their strokes in the top of the fifth as weisberg and battyani combined to go 4-for-4 in the inning and drive in 4 of jukebox's five runs in the frame to close the gap to one. from there, jukebox answered every run bukkake plated, eventually tying things up at twelve in the eighth when a shirtless jackass single scored elly. following cataline's heroics, bukkake still had three outs with which to score, and not suprisingly opted to take solo homers to get the job done. unfortunately, ben smith's first attempt was tipped back in by weisberg for a double play to put the pressure on pat lackey, and lackey of course cracked like a pittsburgh pirate. weisbergs six hits in 11 at bats and 4 rbi paced his squad. battyani added 4 rbi while cataline tipped in 3 double plays. in a losing effort, rando knight dropped thru 5 fo 10 with 5 ribbies. pat lackey plated a trifecta of runs and tipped in 2 d.p.'s. TEAM WET DREAM 10 THE MINORI-TEAM 3 sitting at 8-8 on the season and looking to seperate themselves from the not live sex or wet dream pack in the late-season playoff hunt, the minori-team had a golden oppurtunity to make some noise against a wet dream team playing without player of the year contender aryn christman while playing with their starting 4 in tact, something they haven't done all season. and the minori-team answered... with their worst output of the year matt mcclelland's four hits in 10 at-bats were tops on his squad, a unit that stranded 11 runners as opposed to wet dream's 4. though their defense suprisingly held TWD to a scant 10 runs (by their standard, of course), the black and gold "O" couldn't capitalize. a terry shernisky 2-run homer capped a three-run top of the first for wet dream to build a three-run lead, and lee nespor followed suit in the second, drilling a two-run job of his own to put TWD up 5-love, more than enough to win this one. from there, wet dream coasted to victory, despite the normally solid katie kelly missing a season-high nine shots. shernisky finished with a 9 for 12 day with six ribbies and three double plays, pretty much carrying his team on his back. nespor and elly combined for 5 hits. the minority defense turned a double play in each inning, with hall and weisberg grabbing two each and mcclelland three. CASHDOLLAR & ASSOCIATES 13 LIVE SEX CELEBRATION 15 the live sex offense awoke from it's two-week slumber in the third inning of this one, breaking off nine consecutive hits, scoring double-figures in runs, and clearing the board for the first time all year the two american powerhouses exchanged runs and double plays in the first inning, and the score stood at one all after one. a mikey chang two-run homer put cash up 3-1 heading to the home half of the second, and live sex would muster only one run when kip corbett plated nate tomko. in the third, a mike moroco airball with a man on second would prevent any further damage to live sex and spark the furious run that finished with the scoreboard reading 12-3. the rally started with a tomko triple, and ended 11 batters later with a ben slliott solo shot to clear the board. in between, tomko jacked a pair of three-run homers to provide the big hits. from there, the live sex offense went stagnant, failing to score in four innings while cash slowly crept back into the game. two in the fourth a one more in the fifth made the count 12-6, but the real cashdollar fireworks came in the 7th. ray cataline would hit a fgiant two-out, three run homer to cap a five-run outburst the bring the game within one. then, following yet another hitless at-bat from live sex, cash would actually take a one-run lead thanks to back-to-back-to-back doubles from biddle, chang and cataline. the lead would be short-lived, however. tomko would immediately tie up the game in the eighth with a solo homer, then watch as his teammates connected on three straight extra-base hits to rebuild a 2-run lead. in the ninth, a tomko double play would seal the deal for cash. for the victors, tomko hit six of his 10 shots with three homers, 7 rbi and 7 double plays. tomko's second ribbie put him at the 100 mark for the fifth straight season, and his first double play of the contest made him the first player to reach 100 in a season. both kip corbett and ben elliott posted identical 6 for 9, 3 rbi lines. jamie moroco hit on half of her 10 shots. for the losers, mikey chang knocked down 7 of ten shots with 5 rbi to continue his late-season tear. cataline hit four of nine with 5 ribbies. TEAM WET DREAM 19 THE FRANKENBITCHES 3 (7 INNINGS) playing with only two flesh and blood players and the angry woodchuck himself, mr. will williamson, the frankenbitches were no match for mighty team wet dream, who ran their season-long winning streak to six games. with all of their players finally stroking, a welcome change for fans of the green and white who watched katie kelly and lee nespor struggle in their first game at jailbait, wet dream was never challenged in this one. with innings of 3, 2 twice, five and seven right out of the gate, wet dream scored early, often, and pretty much at will against the understaffed bankenfitches. shernisky stayed hot, and got himself back into player of the year talk with another stellar outing, going 10 for 14 with a pair of homers and 9 rbi. kelly got her top-of-the-average-pile stroke back, nailing 11 of 15, and lee "homer or bust" nespor drove in 7 on three homers and, get this, 6 for 14 shooting. bryan frankovich hit a pair of solo shots and tipped in 6 double plays for the losers. greg lackey played only slightly better than will williamson, hitting one of his eight shots. |
| THE MINORI-TEAM 11 BUKKAKE TSUNAMI 9 bukkake tsunami played well early to build a lead, then again late to give the minorities a scare, but playing like ass for the seven innings in the middle of the game ulitmately cost them their second straight game against their inter-conference rivals. after a shocking win in the scrum in which terry "hot sauce" hall made the fatal mistake of underestimating the cat-like quickness and open field tackling ability of rando "the big puma" knight, the momentum carried bukkake two five straight hits and four runs in the first inning, giving the plackey-less huggables a 4-1 cushion after one. after holding the struggling minori-team hitless in the top of the second, the promising start continued as rando knight led off the bottom of the stanza with a double. then the magic well ran dry, and rando would watch helplessly as three consecutive shots would be missed badly, the second two badly enough to earn dumb things. it's amazing how quickly things can change on the baseketball court, and this game was a shining example. one bukkake cooled off, the minorities heated up, scoring at least one run in the each of the next seven innings while bukkake managed just 2 hits until the bottom of the ninth. sadly, by the time the tsunami regained any sort of offense, their 4-1 lead had deteriorated into an 11-6 defecit. needing a change in the worst way, knight opted to take himself out of the game in favor of pat lackey, who had only recently made it to jailbait gymnasium. the move seemed to pay off, as ben smith, pat nespor and jamie fabian woulld go back to back to back to set the table for lackey. sadly, it seemed lackey was the only one not sparked by lackey's appearance, as he found nothing but iron and a terry hall double play in his at-bat. from there it was a solo homer and done for bukkake, who fell to 8-10 on the year and, after spending much of the early season battling for first place, on the outside of the player picture looking in. hall finished with 6 hits in 10 at-bats with a trio of homers and six rbi for the minori-team. shirtless jackass battyani added 5 hits and 4 ribbies. mcclelland, weisberg and hall evenly divided 6 double plays. in a losing effort, ben smith drained 7 of 10 with three rbi and 2 double plays. jamie fabian knocked in 2 on 4 of 9 shooting. JUKEBOX HERO 2 LIVE SEX CELEBRATION 13 live sex celebration continued to shake their recent 4 game losing streak from memory, dominating a jukebox hero team that, on paper, should have made this one a lot closer. without captain dennis lackey, brothers pat and greg shared the captaining duties for the heroes. joining the lack duo were lee nespor, coming off a 7-rbi outing for wet dream, and the always dangerous jamie fabian. the game started on the wrong foot for jukebox. after getting mollywhopped in the scrum, greg lackey led off the game with a missed double that went back in for a tomko double play. a nespor miss followed, giving jbh two up, three down in the first. live sex followed up their perfect defensive inning with a three-run showing, with both tomko and jamie moroco knocking down a pair of extra base hits. from there, thngs only got sloppier for the box. they got only a triple from fabian and a double from lackey over the next three innings. sex, meanwhile, added two more in the second and one in the third to build a 6-0 lead heading into the fifth. in the top of the fifth, jamie fabes once again led off with a three-bagger, but this time wasn't followed by consecutive misses. greg lackey knocked down a single one batter later, finally getting jukebox on the board. before a tomko d.p. killed the rally. holding only a slim 5-run lead over the potent jukebox lineup, lsc needed runs bad. and they got them in the bottom of the next inning. tomko led off with a triple, was plated by kip corbetts double to get the ball rolling, and the scoring was capped seven batters later with tomko's two-run longball. when the dust settled, sex had scored 7 to make it a 13-1 game, and that was all she wrote for the heroes. jamie moroco hit 6 of 11 shots for the celebration. tomko added a 6 for 10, 2 homer, 7 rbi, 5 double play, 2 psyche out line. corbett and ben elliott posted 4 for 10 games with 3 rbi each. in a losing effort, fabian hit half of his 6 shots. greg lackey coerced a pair of psyche outs. THE FRANKENBITCHES 16 CASHDOLLAR & ASSOCIATES 17 (11 INNINGS) cashdollar and associates, after nearly crawling out of a big hole in their first game of the day, almost had the roles reversed in this one as the frankenbitches roared back late to force extra innings and come within a shot of pulling out the duke on a number of occasions. after a leadoff double from greg lackey in the top of the first, jon biddle tipped in the first of his 4 double plays to keep frank off the board. mike moroco gave cash a two-run lead after one on the strength of his 2-run homer, then added another 2-run jack to cap a 4-run second to extend the pink teams lead to 6-0. the frankenbitches, happy to be playing with a full deck of players, broke out of their slump in the top of the third with a quartet of runs. bryan frank accounted for 3 of those rbi on a pair of triples. moroco drained his third two-run homer in as many innings to once again put some space between the two teams battling for the playoffs. then, after keeping frank off the board in the fourth, the red-hot moroco splashed home a fourth two-run homer in the fifth. this time, however, he had some help, as everyone on the team contributed at least one rbi in the 5-run frame. after four, the score stood at 13-4 in favor of cashdollar and associates. at this point, the tables turned on cash. suddenly, they couldn't hit anything, and the frankensteiners blew up big. bryan frank was dropping through homers at a one per inning rate, and the score slowly crawled from blowout to close to tied. then, in the top of the ninth, frankovich hit the final two of his four homeruns to provide all of the runs in a 5-tally inning that actually gave his squad a 16-13 lead. looking to their big gun to keep the game alive, cash set the table for moroco. danielle hennon led off the inning with a single, biddle followed with a double, and moroco didn't let his teammates down, stroking the final of his five homers to knot the game at 16. a frank double play stopped the bleeding, and a hennon single miss sent the game into extra innings. in the first of the bonus innings, the teams combined for only one hit as biddle and frankovich exchanged double plays. in the top of the 11th, mike frankovich led off with a triple to threaten, but biddle tipped in a monster double play to keep frank off the board. with the crowd screaming for a solo homer to end it, cash showed some restraint. a b.frank double play put cash down to one final out, but ray cataline calmly knocked down a double to get into scoring position for jon biddle, who had been knocking down doubles all afternoon, and all season for that matter. and, wouldn't you know it, biddle did just that, sending the reeling frankenbitches to the bottom of the non-jukebox sbl pile. moroco finished with 11 rbi on 6 for 11 shooting with 4 double plays. biddle's 8 hits led the team offensively, and he also tipped in 4 d.p.'s. bryan frankovich cemented his player of the year candidacy with a 7 for 16, 4 homer, 9 rbi, 8 double play, 1 assist game. greg lackey's 8 hits topped the 'bitches. JUKEBOX HERO 9 TEAM WET DREAM 13 having already secured the league's top seed, team wet dream was forced to play against a stacked jukebox team featuring some of the most elite players in the game. and they still won. fucking wet dream. katie smelly hit 7 fo her 12 shots. terry sher-nasty drove in 5 on 5 for 12 marksmanship with 3 double plays. lee nesp-whore hit three homers and drove in 6. fucking wet dream. matt mcclelland, mike moroco, jon biddle, rando knight, and bryan frankovich all suck. player of the week: mike moroco: 17 for 30, 22 rbi, 8 homers, 7 d.p., 2 psyche outs game of the week: cashdollar vs. frankenbitches team of the week: team wet dream: three for three, locked up the top seed SCHEDULE2006 |