| SBL, 2002, WEEK 7 JULY 7 AUSCHWITZ GARDENS WEENISES 12 PJ AND THE LADIES 3 After a tremendously disappointing showing during his first week under the yellow flag, former allstar William Weisberg looked to respark the Weenises' dying victory flame. With the aid of a homecourt advantage and a silly little man with an acoustic guitar, "Chill Ice" was able to do just that. Despite the abscence of the "ween" from the weenises, a nearly all-masculine ween-troop took the court for the first game of week 7. The game remained close through the duration of the first 3 innings as the Ladies' pulled off to an early 3-2 lead with the aid of a quartet of well placed doubles. However, during the 4th, the Weenises's netted 3 more runs of their own to seize the lead and then tallied an additional 7 runs over the last 5 innings (including an explosive 5-run 9th inning) to bury the ladies. This was the first win for the Weenises over a non-ghetto team this year. (excuse the potential, unintentional jew joke there) For the victoriious Weenises, Weisberg went 5 of 10 with 4 rbi's and an assist, moroco went 5 of 10 with 3 ribi's and a double play, and lenny "squiggle writer" crist added a psyche out. For the faltering Ladies, Big Rando Knight went 3 of 11 with an rbi and 2 double plays, though, one would surmise that it really required a team effort to blow this one. Gaylem Fagisms 3 Nasty Pillowww 15 Due to a sudden fluke typhoid outburst, the three primary Fags were unable to attend games this week. "Luckily", Captain Wally Swogger has finally returned from his North African safari to reattend to his managerial duties. Swogger's team this week consisted of himself, Lee "the other white" Nespor, and newcomer Carolyn Phillips. The Fags led the day off first place in their conference with both the Ladies and Nasty Pillow a game behind. With a 1-1 standing in the series record thus far, and after a heartbreaking loss to the Pillow the week previous, the Fags had a definte score to settle. Unfortunately, scoring was never a thing that Wally Swogger was very good at. The game took off early for Pillow as they burst open the fagish seams to score 7 runs in the first 3 innings of play. The PIllow would then continue to score in every inning up through the seventh. A two run top-third streak to tie the score inspired hope for fag fans, but a 5-run bottom third answer from Pillow deadened it. The Pillow would then go on to win by a very nasty final score of 15-3 amidst a flurry of homeruns by captain Yacob Olsavsky. With 9 rbi's, 4 home runs, 3 double plays, 2 psyche outs and 7 of 11 shooting, Olsavsky proved to be the focal point of performance. Also for the Pillow, Jenn Meyers-Gavala went 5 of 11 with 3 rbi's and an assist. For the dejected Fags, Gary Swogger buried a pair of swogger-knocks and pulled in all 3 of his teams rbi's. Nespor contributed a psyche out and doulbe play. Pink Bandana Girls 8 Ratchet Thunder Studs 15 Clearly, the SBL's strongest rivalry is held amongst the PBG and the Ratchet Thunder Studs - the origin of which can be traced back to a stunning upset by PBG's captain Sean "Tomahawk" Hood's 2001 team, the NAACP, over Tomko's No Talent Ass Clowns in last year's championship series. Hence, the two have been in constant opposition, and the competition has never been any more fierece than today as these two powerhouses (first and second place in the SBL) met to settle affairs. After a brief pre-game tea party, the action began. Three innings into the battle, the score was tied at 6. But, after holding the PBGs scoreless in the top of the fourth, the RTS unleashed a 3 run attack. With defeat looming in the wind, the PBG were then unable to offer more than 2 additional runs in the final five innings. A 6 run 8th inning sealed the deal for the RTS. Last year's league MVP, Nathaniel "Hawthorne" Tomko knocked down 8 of 11 shots, belted 2 home runs, conjured 8 rbi's and tipped in 2 double plays. Mark Titanic went 7 of 11 with 4 rbi's, 2 dp's and an assist. MIKEY MOROCO DIDN'T HAVE ANY DUMB THINGS!!!!!! In this darkest of hours for the PBG, Jason Biddle knocked in 5 of 10 with 3 rbi's and a homerun. Jared "Inside Out Boy" Clayton shot in 3 of 9 with a home run, 2 rbi's and 2 dp's. Crackalackalackan 5 Pj and/or the Ladies 11 After their loss to the the Weenises a few games previous, the Ladies (still without team inspiration Joel Leptak) looked to recover some ground in the playoff runnings by forcefeeding the winless Crackers a mouthful of tasty 11 to 5 defeat. The Ladies, who's name and likeness have become synonomous with satan, played this game more straightfaced than usual with no caustic antics or intentional tomfoolery. One might surmise that the Ladies are finally growing into their role in the SBL league with maturity, grace, and dignity. Or, perhaps, they simply feared for their lives. The Crackas didn't disappoint fans with their showing - they lost yet again. The game was as one may expect : an uphill battle for the Crackas. After a 3 run second inning, the Ladies did not give up the lead.. World-renowned pinch hinter, Cassie Pyle, showcased her talents for an at-bat, and was rewarded with a brief slumber in the penalty box. Sexmachine Mentrek led the recovering Ladies with 5 of 9 shooting, 5 rbi's, a homerun, and 2 dp's. Phil Nespor contributed a pair of base-wipers. Katie Berger just looked damn fly. For the losers, Ryan Martell went 5 of12 with 3 rbi's, while Buckethead knocked down a homer and pulled in 3 dp. Ratchet Thunder Studs 14 Crackalackalackan 6 Hungry for revenge after their game against the Ladies, Cracka opted to jump immediately back into the fold to take on their rivals, the Thunder Studs. Somehow, somewhere, can Crackalackan ever win a game? PLEASE? Everyone may remember the action a few weeks back when, during the scrum, Nate Tomko was bled like a virgin in heat by the unintenitonal legwork of Ryan Martell, thus evoking a conclave of rumors from the rumormill, and a personal vendetta between the two. Needless to say, the Studs were looking to pop a few Cracker cherries during this sludgfest, and though no blood was shed, the Studs mounted a mighty fine ass-pounding. (ed. note - which they later continued with Katie Berger) Between Mark "I fall down alot" Titanic's spectacular all-around performance, and Tomko's typical top-notch mvp playing, the RTS added the 14th nail in the Cracker coffin. During one particularly impressive outburst during the top of the 6th, the RTS knocked in 8 of 9 shots in a row to pull in 7 runs. Though the Crackas are, admittingly, a fairly solid team, they just can't seem to be able to put enough runs on the board. For the Studs, Titanic wooed the crowd with 8 of 11 shooting, 8 rbi's, 2 homeruns, and a double play. Tomko also shined going 7 of 11, with 5 rbi's, a homerun, 2 dp's and an assist. For the misfortunate Crackers, Runyan went 6 of 12 with 4 rbi's, a homerun, and 3 dp. Martell advocated 3 double plays of his own. Liz Ulasz offset the Williamson rule. Weenises 12 Nasty Pillowww 7 Another rivalry in action, here in week seven : Crist vs Olsavsky. Coming into this game, Crist led the SBL in the only non-Tomko dominated statistic category other than dumb things : psyche outs, with 7, 1 over Olsavsky who occupied the second place position. Both teams entered this game coming off of crushing defeats of their former opponents. The abscence of Pillow mainstay, Riboflavin "rainbow" Johnson, really proved to be his teams unmaking. The game shifted evenly back and forth through the first 5 innings as both teams played vigorously, but, in the end, a sudden pillow shooting slump, allowed the dominant Weenises to whistle by. Even after a Leonard Crist dumb thing gave Pillow an easy Homerun, the Weenises were too modivated to allow the Pillow to smother them. This game featured several firsts : Crist came well-prepared for his psyching with a plethora of pre-rendered pysche outs, though, was unable to captalize on any of them. Also, the first ever psyche out on a made shot was peformed when Olsavsky successfully pysched out KiP "run-on sentence" Corbett, but then watched as Kip tipped in his missed shot. Also, the game had to be stopped on several occassions due to circumstances occurring off the basketball court. (we'll leave it at that) In the bottom of the ninth, as Pillow prepared for its final at-bat, Olsavsky led off the inning with a grandslam attempt. During this attempt, Pillow claimed that defender Jamie Moroco had encroached the shot (which would indicate and automatic make). However, referee Fred "that was a bad call, man" Shaffer ruled against Pillow. The remaining two nastees went down one after the other. With the sudden exuberance at their 2-0 sweep for the week, several bystanders admitted seeing Jamie Moroco riding on a camel down Highland, naked. These reports have yet to be confirmed. For the victors, Vilhelm Weisberg went 6 for 11 with 4 rbi's and 3 dp's. Moroco also went 6 of 12 with 3 rbi's. For PIllow, Olsavsky continued his great late season playing, going 6 of 12 from the field with 3 homeruns, 6 rbi's, 3 dp's and a psyche out (thus tying he and Crist). Gaylem Fagisms 2 Pink Bandana Girls 17 The slaughter continues. Continuing this week's trend of merciless victories, the PBG piledrived the Fags through 8 at innings, at which time, the 15-run "You just got knocked the fuck OUT" rule was implemented. Poor Jeff, poor, poor Jeff. The Girls took the opportunity provided by a weakened opposition to recover from their previous deafeat, coat their stats, and watch mikey moroco ride a big wheels across town. On the Fags behalf.....um..... your team was cuter this weak than usual. Game play was, overall, pretty onesided, and the Girls should be thanked for allowing the Fags to score a few runs before being eviscerated. Game highlights? The PBG played well, the Fags didn't. For the victors, Fred "I'm better than Hammy, anyway" Shaffer went 8 of 11 with 2 homeruns and 3 rbi's, Tomahawk went 6 of 10 with 6 rbi's, and Jared "put that back in!!!" Clayton dominated the board, defensively, grabbing 3 dp and 2.5 psyche-outs. Biddle had three hits, they were all homeruns. For the fags, new addition, Melinda "heartbreaker" Pawluk went 3 for 6 when she wasn't accosting referee Tomko, proving to be the star player for the fags this week. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES! Phillips also allowed herself to be psyched out 2 times this game, bringing her season total to 4. Good job, Carolyn! Team of the week : The WEISnises : can they do it? They still have a chance to make the playoffs, but must win every game from here on out. Player of the week : Jeffybug Meyers - just look what you did! Play of the week : Pj smashing Lenny's guitar after Lenny insulted his girlfriend. |