TAKE YOUR PICK:

0 - i dedicate these answers to jon biddle. your 15 inch love-mallet will always have a place in my heart, and on my hard drive.  

1- better rookie season: mckendry or esenwein toughie, toughie. im actually doing it last cause i just don't have any idea. mckendry's cuter, so i'll give it to him. andy was much more clutch that year, but he was also pretty dodgey about showing up (the whole team was), and he fagged out this year, so fuggit. though mac has become unbelievably succeptible to my psyche-outs, he' been pretty solid against the rest of the field. he also shoots like a mofo (except for that short spurt in the middle where he tossed salads and shot like a retarded camel), and can play the defensey fense. he accomplished all this while still finding time to help old women with their groceries, as well as libidos, and doing charity work for the klan (if he ever showed up to baseketball wearing a sheet, i swear to god id dump in my pants). good player. would have been nice to have scrummed him one last time, for the sake of it, but other matters sprung to light in its abscence (see below). if mac improves on his streakyness (obvious jokes omitted to improve decencry standards) next season, hes the man to watch for. it wont take much for ese to improve. he just hast to show up.  

2- better fit for the ladies: stud or greg lackey this one is a no-contest. not only is GREG LACKEY the cutest of the 35 or so members of his namesake in the league, he's also, easily, the most chaotic. Pat Lacky-taffy's performance at the mccleland dorm-of-doom after the mckendry reffing wickedness was awesome, but i can't help but think his actions may have never occurred were it not for the two deuces whispering in his ear whilst in the penalty box. anyway, so back to the fold. though both stud and wack-talacky are prominent proprieters of the ladies' newfound prized profession, absinteeism, crackalackey excels in various other phillipean traits compared to his SLIGHTLY elder statesman. stud is good at basketball for instance, which automatically crushes his ladihood. at 5 foot 2.3, and at the tender, impressionable age of 9 or whatnot, clearly lackadasical is a round ball remedial, jiving well with the ladies on court abilities. greg lackey looks good in red, stud is much more of an autumn-toned gent. i see him more in violets, chartruse and biblical slobbery (ie white). being the newest lackluster, amongst the remainder of his well-established siblings, greg is also a considerable underdog. word on the street is that pat is also a reconnisant militant for the reformed "jews for hitler" party as well. he was rallying up on billy for months until he found out that billy wasn't actually a jew. "then, explain the nose!" "i do a lot of coke." therefore, the anti- fascist cries from greg lackatonic have all the more validity, as he is generally referring to his own bloodline. rumor has it that greg's parents have even fallen to the dark side... they voted for bush. hence, case solved, greg is the better lady.  

3- more dissapointing '04 campaign: pj nespor or kip corbett i think this one is pretty obvious as well - Phillipino wins with a shu-in. kip may not have been at 100% this year (this year was more of a "splash" campaign, unlike his previous "saving private ryan" outings...they can't all be oscars), but he certainly played tolerably well. it isnt his fault the rest of his team were super-charged most of the time...except when it mattered - different story entirely. thus, kip wass hampered by a too-deep roster that nudged him out a bit (SOUNDS strangely familiar), and perhaps his less-than-remarkable numbers are influenced by this. maybe hes just been getting too many handjobs from groupies and now has a permanent southward lean. phillip, meanwhile, self-administere the rectal plug by a) failing to attend, and b) playing poopily whilst actually being there. HOWEVER, it is of note to mention that phillip DID save his compatriot from a bad noggin-swabbing on that fateful day, which overshadows his failings this season. friends dont let friends get bad haircuts. still, a typical nesporian season would have really rallied his team when they needed it most, and, unfortunately for them, he had more of a brandon radcliffe season (thats the big whitey that looked like woody harelson right?) than a phillip pyle season. having me or nate on the team would probably have helped a lot too, but that sure didnt fucking happen, mclelland. :)  

4- more fitting end to a season: picciotto missed homer or pj & the ladies getting "screwed" most interesting question on here, but the ladies win it with seniority. though the foreboding of big whitey's chilling predictions coming onto the scene is utterly horrifying in a "big ted just fucked my mom and is still wearing her brazier" sort of way, the irony involved in a last second (literally) fascist intervention to annihilate the hopes of the strongest random knight-led party ever is far overpowering. here's one for the conspiracy theorists out there : several weeks prior, bad mckendry call dumps poo on pat lackey...pat lackey, furious, frustrated, disesembles the remainder of that week's integrity, as well as the integrity of several little boys' bums. fast-forward - ladies lose game to hoosier changovich on a pat lackey call...ladies furious, frustrated. coincidence? i think not. here' the skinny : brandon mckendry, a reformed crack addict/used cork salesman is actually ....the father of pat lackey! its true. and yes, this also makes him the father of all of the other lackies. remember when mckendry was supposed to scrum against yours truly on championship day but was forced to back out for "unforeseen circumstances", thus leaving me to muddle my way through the matchstick to the semis? well, after hours of complaining, belittling, dry-humping mckendry for accidentally pediphiling me, the big man finally snapped - his bum knee is actually an old vietnam injury. apparently a charlie, after realizing both he and mckendry, now toe to toe in the muck, had depleted the last of their magazines, sprung forward, and proceeded to gnaw upon mckendry's aforementioned joint. i saw the scars, not pretty. but if you look at it long enough you can also find waldo. cunning little prick. though he was initially apprehensive about fleshing his tale out further, a few hundred beers later and was singing like a canary, and kissing me in the back of a taxi. but, anyway, somewhere thereabouts the whole story came out. pat, it seems, has developed that whole oldest child syndrome where he believes that the younger kiddies get more attention, love, vodka, from the parents, and especially the youngest, greg. hence, when daddy 'kendry slipped him the 4 inch velvet pliers, he got back at him the only way he knew that he could - by ruining the playoff dreams of his favorite little shit-kicker. now, you may ask : but pops was on the opposing team, thus, his son's failure was his victory. well, see macadoo was actually hoping for his son to win, and agressively aiding that very cause (25 g's to ref pat lack is no chump change). the shots he was making during the ladies' games were just a clever con. the better he played the better his team played, and jesus doesnt like that, he reasoned. sound logic. mac was crushed by the victory...er... defeat...er...yeah, and has never been seen since. some say on dark nights..when the moon is full, and the wind is just right, you can still hear his tortured cries "willy is my.... cousinnnn???????" and that's that. hence, the ladies got the thicker cock. lady. l-a-d- y. lady.  

5- more underrated in'04- lenny crist or pat lackey most underrated in '04 would definitely go to lennys cock. did you see that monster when he dropped to his tighties? good lord..even with the slant. as far as for actual gameplay, i think lenny still wins. he was solid as usual, and his saintly (HAHAHAHAH) shooting pulled his team through some tough times...not to mention he single-handedly saved the team from a few forfeits (more losses...just what they needed). being a shitty human being doesnt necessarily translate into being a shitty baseketball pseudo-coach, apparently. plus, his psyche-outs were even better this year than ever before. pat lackey was good this year to make up for the loss of his juggernauts, but lenny was just better. both get praise, however, for putting up with lots of jestful nastiness this year and taking it in stride. pat especially during the 2nd week of playoffs....jesus christ, someone buy him a face mask. i love that kid, even if he did impersonate me for a while.   6- more impressive season record- 96 double plays or 122 rbi 122. its a bigger number, duh. but no. tell me that last team that won by a score of 9 double plays to 4 runs? double plays are important, but if no childrens cross the plate, they matter little. maybe if someone like lee nesport got 96 dp's id be impressed since he actually has to leave the ground to dunk a basketball. its a great accomplishment, obviously, but the strongest defense is a powerful offense. score 10 runs on any team in the first and watch them crumble. though i plan on breaking both of these records next year, for now, their owner's are still wonderful athletes. rbi's, though, jon, just stir my kettle a little deeper. no more words, jhwh, please...no more. im done. see you next year....NASTY PILLOWWW 2005!