FACT OR FICTION 2008

Round 2

Featuring Kyoto Kamikazees Mike Moroco and Bryan Frankovich of the Queens… and you know what? I can’t stand to see these two jagoffs butcher these FOF’s alone, so I’m gonna jump in too.

1) THE OATCAKE HATE MONSTERS WERE THE MOST IMPRESSIVE TEAM IN WEEK ONE

Bryan: Fiction- To me the most impressive team was voltron. Oatcake played really well, but that was expected of them. Voltron is going to be pretty good, pretty damn good. They are very balanced and have the tools to go very far. Hey, even derek lockovich played above his expectations. Are we seeing a pattern here by chance? (2006-good 2007-not good 2008- good again 2009 ???) Maybe, but it really doesn't matter right now because he can get on base.

Mike: fact. of course a team that goes 2-0 while barely even playing their star captain, missing a poty and bringing back the mystery that has been shelly goodpastor is going to be the most impressive. unless by impressive you mean the total mass of a team on the court (or into a fence), then that goes to rando's fleshy fun bridges.

Nate: Fiction. Yeah, they looked the best on paper (great win over Tori Jofery and the jukebox heroes there, guys… and way to catch Aryn in the middle of a 4 dumb thing game), but Voltron won a pair without all-star Jamie Fabian and with Billy Weisberg playing like Marlene Weisberg. That’s way more impressive. And should I mention that my team won a pair in spite of the fact that I constantly had a can of beer in my hand after 2:00?

2) OATCAKE SHOULD BE PENALIZED FOR THEIR NUMBER ONE PICK DAN SYPOLT MISSING WEEK ONE TO WATCH THE CAVS GAME. WE WERE ALL THERE WHILE THE PENS GAME WAS ON!

Bryan: Fiction- Although it should be frowned upon, he shouldn't be penalized. The fact is that he hasn't really been involved with this league yet, so he hasn't really made it his priority. After he does play and help his team and start becoming a dependable teammate, then sure penalize him. But until then my vote stays with nay.

p.s. there wasnt a penalty gavin for a john mayer concert and thats way worst.

Mike: Fiction. hardly. it would be different if he was the captain or something. i mean, i was talking to him about coming and he wasn't all too excited in the first place. the real penalty is going to be when the cavs lose lebron for not getting him a team that can win. go celts!

Nate: Fact. I did Terry a huge favor when I made the teams this year (seriously, has anyone ever been in a better position to win both a player of the year award and a world championship before the season even started?), and he decided to try and stack his squad even more by drafting Sypolt, who was entered into the draft by Katie just because she and Terry knew he’d be good. Why on earth would they draft him in the first round, even before Shelley, if he wasn’t going to be rock? And now I’ve got Mikey saying this dude wasn’t “all too excited” in the first place. Do we really need more people who were only brought into the league because they were expected be good but don’t have there heart in it whatsoever? …while Wes Davis is riding the pine 7-deep on a team full of really, really bad baseketballers who really, really want to be there? I certainly know that this league wasn’t built from the ground up by the Pat O’mahoneys and Billy Picciottos and Nolan Vujovics of the world.
Hell yes this team should be penalized, and so should Sypolt. You want to come play baseketball in this league and join the hallowed names of Weisberg and Knight and Moroco and Crist and Mcclelland and Corbett? Get your ass out from in front of the TV for a few hours on a Sunday afternoon and prove that you want to be here and aren’t just on a roster because someone thinks you’ll be real fuckin’ sweet at left triples.

And everyone knew the Cavs weren’t winning that game, anyway.

3) THE FENCE AT ASSCLOWN OUTDOOR ARENA WILL BE MORE OF A HASSEL TO FIX THAN THE GARAGE AND HOOP WAS THAT TIME BIDDLE RIPPED BOTH OF THEM DOWN.

Bryan: fiction- although I don't know how much effort was put forth into fixing the hoop, I think the fence will only require some supports dug into the ground on both sides. A simple fix at most I believe. Not to mention it didn't look nearly as bad as the hoop and garage when biddle shaq'd it.

Mike: fact. all in all, the hoop is attached to the hoop by wood boards nailed into the garage. the fence has to have some foundation under the ground and that has to be way more of a bitch to fix.

Nate: Fact. Hell yes it will. And if anyone’s wondering, It’s looking pretty bleak that we’ll ever get to play at Ass Clown again. Big ups, Rando.

4) ODDEST STAT OF THE WEEK: DENNIS LACKEY, EVEN WITH A JUKEBOX GAME, HAS ZERO PSYCHE-OUTS

Bryan: Fact- Dennis should easily average 2 psyche outs a week. The fact that he didnt even have one is just plain silly. Mike has more than him right now, and is starting to make my preseason pick for psyche-out king not so stupid. But I assure you that hell have something up his sleeve for week two at my place. Hell probably double his quota and make up for the previous week by having 4 psyche outs or something.

Mike: fiction. psyche outs aren't an easy stat to get and this isn't the first and won't be the last time he doesn't get one in a week. i thought aryn's five dumb things is a ton for her, looking back, she's already matched and surpassed her total in 2007 (4). though i mos def see her picking it up and then some at the frankies this sunday.

Nate: Fact. Psyche outs aren’t an easy stat to get… unless you’re Dennis Lackey. Remember, we’re talking about someone who once had 6 in a game. That’s more in one 9-inning game than 136 SBLers have had in their entire careers. To not get one in three is ridiculous, especially considering he was in a jukebox game alongside Lenny Crist and playing a team full of rookies and girls in Fleshy Funbridge that was basically begging to get psyched out. Not once did I see chicken legs. Not once did I see a beached whale. Not once did I see any of what I’ve come to expect from the fuzzyheaded one. For shame, dennis lackey. For shame.

5) ODDEST STAT OF THE WEEK: DANIELLE HENNON, IN 18 AT-BATS CARRIED A .667 AVERAGE AND GOT NO RBI'S

Bryan: Fiction- Thought it does seem very strange, it almost makes sense. She only shoots singles which would explain why she had no rbis's. But 18 shots without atleast 1 rbi? That must mean that the people before her aren't making any shots or something. You would think that someone would step up and hit a triple or something, but nope. Im sure this will change next week though.

Mike: fiction. uhh see above. plus, i think she got to shoot a fair amount of middle singles, and batting fourth for a bit of a lacking fleshy fun bridges team isn't going to give you a ton of rbi opportunities.

Nate: Fiction. Since Dennis gets the nod for wacky stat of the week, I can’t give it to the ol’ ball and chain here. But if I could make a 1.a, it would be all Danielle. Middle singles or not, going 7 for 8 in a game, then following it up with another .500 performance and never driving in a single run is a pretty strange feat. Based on luck alone you would have to assume that in one of the 12 shots Danielle made someone would be on third, especially considering that the middle triple is the most popular shot in baseketball. Hell, one unnamed SBL all-star managed to drive in 120 runs from 2005-2006 without ever stepping behind the single line.

6) SUDDENLY, THE K YOTO KAMIKAZEES SELECTION OF LENNY CRIST (2 HR, .324, 13RBI) AT #2 LOOKS REAL INTELLIGENT

Bryan: Fact- I hope that he sticks around till the end this season. Sure he probably wont keep it up with the rbis, but everyone loves having him around so we can only hope that he does. And this is the reason why it was an intelligent pick. There were others on the board that could have easily out produced lenny, but youd be very hard pressed to name some individuals that are as loveable as lenny crist. In my opinion this was my favorite pcik of the draft.

Mike: fiction. not really. it would have been waaaay more intelligent if he was our third round pick. but i wanted him on my team, and by God i got him. also, refer to the dennis lackey post-draft trade of '04.

Nate: Fact. Nobody drafts Lenny expecting 6.5 rbi’s a game, or a grand slam a week. To get those, and still have the psyching out, silly ass clothes wearin’, scraggly bearded, break dancin’, beer swillin’ Crist that we have all come to love (and is definitely worth a number 2 pick anyway) is just a giant pool of delicious gravy on the mashed potatoes.

7) TERRY SHERNISKY (104) WILL BUMP BRYAN FRANKOVICH (105) FOR SECOND ALL-TIME IN THE SBL IN HOMERS THIS WEEK ON FRANKOVICH'S OWN COURT

Bryan: Fiction- I don't think that it will happen this weekend but it is inevitable that it will soon. It will be very close and could go either way, but I like to think I shoot homers at my place better than I do anywhere else. Hell pass me if I shoot cold from outside and have to bring my game in closer, but if I can manage to shoot them like I did against pj and the ladies last year on my court than I just may be able to hold on to second place for atleast 1 more week.

Mike: fiction. last week was his week to do it, at the tip-in unfriendly court that is the ass clown outdoor arena. the frankie's back board is buttery soft and that means a lot of opportunities for everyone. bryan's defense will probably be him, johnny "baby cakes" davidson, and sweet lou shernisky or ben elliot. terry will have nate and either tim martin or bob spohn (with 1 assist already) in his circle. pretty tough to get greedy.

Nate: Fact. Really? Neither of you think Terry is gonna get two more homers than Frankovich this week? Well that alone is enough to ensure Terry jacks about 20. good luck keeping up with that, B. Frank.

8) THE FLESHY FUNBRIDGES ARE LOOKING AT ANOTHER WINLESS WEEK

Bryan: Fact- I don't think theyll be able to get past oatcake. This game might even be over in 6. As for the kamikaze game, this will be a lot closer, but I still like to favor the orients in this one. My guess will be a score along the lines of 13-10.

Mike: fact. they face a forceful oatmeal cream pie team that will have big mac mcclelland on their side and the kamikaze(e)s (who did their namesake in game two of week one to drop to 0-2) who will have greg lackey suiting up for them as well.

Nate: Fact. Alas, Rando, it seems highly likely. Those hate monsters look pretty unstoppable right now, or at least like they won’t be stopped by a team that boasts Jeff Pallini as one of it’s best players. And the Kamikazeeees are way better than expected thanks to the play of rookie Chris Pacsi and Lenny “wow, where did that come from” Crist, so Sunday isn’t looking too bright for the lloydbridges. unless one of the punishments we decide to dole out to the smugglin’ oatcakers is to put maybe a Shelley Goodpastor or a Matt Mcclelland in Funbridge brown. That would certainly improve their chances.

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