| Ratchet Thunder Studs (1st seed): Definitely the "thunder" of the entire sbl thus far, the studs have mercilessly battered their oppenents week after week with a revolving door of allstar-caliber players. The studs are (in spirit) led by league dazzler, Hawthorne Tomko, who leads the league in nearly every statistical category. With a few minor exceptions, Tomko's shooting has, week after week, consistantly remained incredible, and his team's record reflects that. However, the man doesn't make the team, and Tomko has had lots of help along the way : most notably by under apperciated team captain, Sambo Lynn. Lynn has been a solid shooter since the first week, keeping her average around the 500 mark the entire season. Dead-eye Shelly Goodpastor still maintains the leagues 3rd highest batting average, though, she too has been away on a swogger safari for several weeks of play now. Stepping in to more than fill Shelly's shoes is Mark Titanic. A little slow warming up to the game, Mark has quickly exploded into one of the leagues most dynamic players, even able to outshine teammate Tomko during week 8. Youngster Mikey "big wheels" Moroco has also been able to turn the head of allstar voters this season : currently 5th best in homeruns and near that in season batting average. Mikeys only drawback? DUMB THINGS. BREAKDOWN : The Studs are a very solid team, with nearly impenatrable body armour. The only team capable dismounting them....the PBG. With only one regular season week left, the Stud have already clenched the first seed, and a first round bye. THIS WEEK : Well, the Studs have everything lined up for them that they could possibly ask for going into the last 2 games of the season, so the outcome (technically) of this week's playing doesn't have any significant impact. However, Titanic, who is quickly growing into a baseketball superstar, could definitely use this week's play to pad his mvp stats, as he has definitely put himself into the running. Prediction : Paintball Stu : 1-1 (murdering the ladies, but bowing to the PBG) Myrtle the Turtle : 0-2 (Tomko doesn't even include himself for most of the week's play, and the Studs either throw the games, or foul themsleves into oblivion for the pure aesthetic joy) PJ and the Maidens (4th seed): Its hard to really put one's finger on what it is that causes of team of pure misfits, such as the ladies, to be as successful as they've been. In addition, to consider that this is the only team to carry over from last year (and, more interestingly, the only team that DID NOT make the playoffs last season), makes the Ladies' sudden success appear that much more miraculous. Credit must be granted where credit is due however : 2/3 of the starting lineup (Lepak and Knight) were allstarers last year, and the remainder of the team (sans Nespor) are all spirited newcomers. With Pj and the ladies, its hard to tell who's going to be coming up with the big plays, or the headline making stats, because theyre so inconsistant. However, for gameplay purposes, this has done nothing but help the ladies. Knight's been having a spectacular year, solid all-across the board as usual, sortof newcomer Sexmachine has shown his strut during this season, especially near the end. When they make games, Nespor and Lepak are tremendous assets, Lepak for his dead eye shooting, and Nespor for his mindfucking abilities and smooth lyrical precision. Even Katie Berger has held up her end of the Wench totem, keeping herself well lubricated for every match. The oncourt attics of the ladies are a different story entirely. Are the ladies the "bad guys" of the SBL? Perhaps. But, satan, the commander of all that is evil as their mascott? Definitely BREAKDOWN : Over the last two weeks, the ladies have slipped from second to fourth seed, though, can still potentially reclaim the second chair.. More than any other team in this league, the Ladies flucuate - and that goes for all aspects of play. Sometimes the ladies are well-mannered, bad shooting school boys, other times they're skinning pidgeons, leaving the innards in Sammie's noodles, and sinking all homers (the ladies have the highest occurrence of 3-bang homers in one inning, by far). To take home the Ernest this season, they key to ladie's play is attitude. Several members of the SBL freely admit that the ladies are their most fear opponents, and it certainly has nothing to do with physical threats : the ladies get in your head, pull up an armchair and watch cartoons, and to clinch the championship this season, they need to be peeping lots of ren and stimpy. THIS WEEK : This week's games will be EXTREMELY imortant for the ladies. Though they have already claimed a definite playoff spot, 2nd seed, and a first round bye, are still potential victories for the Lady camp. Standing in the way of this realization, however, are the two highest ranked teams in the league. The Rts, and the PBG. If the ladies are able to win both, they just may clinch that number 2 spot. Luckily for the bitches, they get home court advantage, and games this week will be held at the Rando Knight mobile court. Prediction : Paintball Stu : 0-2 (the royal butt fuck) Myrtle : 1-1 (after their win against the rts, the ladies will be vaccuum suctioned by the pbg, and spit back out into a number 4 playoff spot) Pink Bandana Girls (2nd seed): Captain Deleanor Hood has had the luxury of coaching this season after coming off of a league victory with his former team last year, and his girls have not disappointed. One interesting dilemma for Hood : not a single member from his original draft has stayed with the team. This has had little consequence, however, because his mid-season acquisitions have been more than capable of dispatching adversaries. As part of a week one drafting, Columbian recruits Biddle and Fred have proven to be the backbone (with Hood) of the PBG formula. Though the duo's offcourt relationship remains in question, these two have provided the majority of the PBG offense this season. Fred is, in fact, believed by many to be a definite canidate for the post-Tomko mvp vote this year, based on his outstanding performance. Another mid-year recruit, Insideout Clayton, has proven to be the powerhouse needed to round out the girls depth chart. The other girls provide the baserunners, and Clayton brings them home. Having played in only 2/3 of the games this year, he is still 2nd in overall homeruns. Hows that for slugging percentage? BREAKDOWN : Probably the best thing that the PBG have going for them is chemistry; these guys play good together, its that simple. In baseketball, it isnt necessarily about how good a player can shoot, but how well he jives with his compatriots. Some strong offensive and defensive postings don't hurt the ladies either. Will they be able to unseat the Studs? Time will tell. Currently in the 2nd place seed, the PBG look to retain the first round bye during post season, though, the fags and ladies will do their best to turn that reality into a nightmare. THIS WEEK : The PBG girls will put an end to the Tomko/Hood rivalry this week, taking on the studs for a fitting season end. Though, the rts already lead the series 2-1, winning this week would be a definite moral victory for hood and the girls going into post-season play. "One-dimensional" Jared Clayton allgedely will not be attending this weeks games, so his 4 home runs/game will have to be made up by the rest of the girls. No fears for pink fans, though, because captain sean hood will turn up his late season playing and tip the scale towards victory for his team. I guarentee a Hood/Tomko hockey fight. In their second game, against the ladies, look for the pbg to go off to an early lead, and the ladies to answer....with a plethora of fouls and dismannered conduct. Prediction : Painball Stu : 2-0 (unstoppable) Myrtle : 2-0 (a pair of wins will put the pbg into the first round of the playoffs with a bye, and a whole lot of renewed confidence) The Gaylem Fagism/Bangkhok Midget Horror Explosion Jamboree (3rd seed) Its been a wild ride this season for the fags. Going from a Condo/Betts/Swogger starting lineup to the acquisition of homerun savant, Esenwein, this roller coaster ride is far from being over. We'll forgive the first few weeks of pre-Meyers play and brush that all off as a "hiccup" for the fags, and examine the team after Jeff took over. With the renewed strength of one sexy former model twin cheerleader at the helm, the fags started showing definite promise : condo, admittingly, played quite well, when his hands werent full of cigarettes or grenades, and meyers took this season to reprise his role as one of the leagues best all-around players. (side barre - interesting to evaluate last year in comparison to this year : jeff's two teams - the undependables and the fags, started off as jokes, comprised of players more adept to circus work than baseketball - basically misfits. But then, in enters jeffybug, ego, in hand, and he has really whipped these teams in shaped, bad news bears style, and given them a chance. Last year the undependaables, went from the worst team in the league to playoff contenders. This year...well, we'll get to that... Think about it. General Meyers? <end barre>) After feeling out his position as the unoffical headman of the fags, Jeff then enlisted the help of two (intially) mocked youngsters. How can that little kid with a mohawk ball? That Jones kid is only 7??? 6 weeks later and Mohawk Esenwein is setting the leagues homerun/game record (6) and the fags are the third seed. Not to mention that jones becomes one of the leagues most under-rated players as well, and meyers is still upholding his defensive fortitude. With a revolving door of 4th men that range from pretty damn bad (swogger), to pretty damn good (Rios), the fags have finally proven to the sbl that they are not a team to be laughed at (well, maybe swogger still), and that they are making a run for the gold, and they just may be able to do it. BREAKDOWN : There is one thing that could keep the fags from the golden robes this season : themselves. Sure, during week 9, Esenwein played great and broke a record or two, but where were the rest of the "fags". Don't get me wrong, Lee Nespor had a great couple of games, himself, but the real meat of the fags were nowhere to be seen. In this vein, we see the true setback for the fags ; inconsistant attendance. And yes, it sounds like a truance officer complaining to high school students (wait, most of these kids ARE in highschool), but to really have a chance at the glory this season, the 3 bulkheads really need to show up. Leaving swogger as your number 3 man is only a foreboding of imminent disaster. That being said, if the manage a trois presents themselves at all of the remaining games, and maintain the level of play that they are accustomed to, these fags may just be looking at a bid with the rts for the Ernest. If not...well, at least youre not crackalacklackan. THIS WEEK : This week means everything for the fags, though, suprisingly, the toughest challenge theyll face won't be in the games they play, it will be standing offcourt, watching, waiting The fags' matchups this week will be painfully easy (well, perhaps the weenises will give them a run) as they play the two lowest rank teams in the league, but the importance of the other games going on around them cannot be stretched enough. If the PBG lose one of both of their games, then the fags will settle right into the number 2 seed. If the PBG will both, the best the fags could hope to end up with is number 3, not bad, but definitely not where theyd like to be. Plus, the fags will also have to be hoping for at least one ladies's loss to keep the number 4 seed off their back as well. Fags fan, id reccomend bringing strong seditives to the game this week. Prediction : Paintball Stu - 0-2 (murder most foul) Myrtle - (2-0, do you even need an explanation) Nasty Pillowww (5th seed): The Pillow have undergone quite a transformation over the season : from a pathetic trio, to a very formidable sextet. On paper, the Pillow may have one of the best teams in the league, but do to the unavaibility of most of their higher-seeded players, the Pillow are usually beset with a weakened roster. Captain Olsavsky began to erupt for an impressive late-season explosion, but has since faltered into swogger-status (especially during week 9, the first game of which, was held hitless). As the stastical number 2 man, Olsavsky has been pulling his own, though his ability to act as team player needs to be questioned. Newcomer Saragheti Hazlett has been able to maintain solid shooting week after week, and Ryan Johnson has finally pulled his batting average into the 200's. A midseason trade brought Sir Adam Fabian over to the Pillow with startling results. A nearly laughable performance during last season, didnt promise much of Fabian's abilities, but he has become a powerhouse this season. Goes to show you what a little sex in the offseason can accomplish. Sometimes playes Jenn Gavala and Tim Meyers are both incredible additions to this team as well, though they rarely make games. BREAKDOWN : In late-season play, pillow has smothered itself. Scoring a total of 2 runs (both off of solo homeruns) during week 9, post-season play slipped through their fingers. Captain Olsavsky got 2 hits all day, and the rest of his team didn't do much better, and this once potential mvp-canidate has lost all hope for that title and will now be watching from the sidelines during post season play. Sadly , the underdog pillow lost all chance at playoff redemption, as a fagism beating of the ladies tore the number 4 seed from their nasty hands. However, after the recent inclusion of a 6 team playoff roster, the pillow's chances are refueled, as they are locked into the number 5 seed position. But, with the pillow's current playing level, not even a miracle could get them through the first round. Will Olsavsky and Fabian reingite their dying allstar embers? Hey, Chonson even got a double play during week 9. I think that is proof enough that anything is possible in this league. THIS WEEK : As with the RTS and the Weenises, this week's outcome will have little effect on their placing in post season play, though, more than the others, the pillow could really use the help of some strong ball playing in this final week to elevate spirits, and in addition, the pillow has a definite score to settle with the weenises after a certain questioned grand slam call a few weeks back. This will also be the final week for the crist/olsavsky rivalry for the league lead in pysche outs. o currently has the lead by a quarter dozen but that silly little man with the broken acoustic guitar is capable of anything. Oh, they play Cracka too. Who cares? Prediction : Paintball Stu : 1-1 (the weenises snuff out the series) Myrtle : 2-0 (with the rivarly at its peak, o gets back into the swing of things, and swallows 5 homeruns (youre going down, one-di), while fabian marches onward to a 750 weekly batting average, if he shows up that is. sheesh) The WEISnises (6th seed) How can a team with such high hopes, captained by one third of the driving naacp force, become such a disgrace? Two words : Lenny Crit. Though a valuable asset defensively, and one hell of a ball scrummer, electing Lenny as your first round draft pick is sucide. Despite morocos motives for performing such a maneuver, the crist-bomb got dropped on all of Jamie's playoff hopes. Though the weenises struggled and played hard, they were heavily outgunned by the older, more mature, and more masculine teams they faced, and the weenises quickly fell behind in the rankings, second only to cracka for the glorious last place slot. Hotspots on the team were, of course, miss middle double moroco herself, as well as christina ween-hood who proved to be a capable outside bottle rocket. Mr. Crist's defense antics were also invaluable. An early trading of Jason Betts boosted estrogen levels even higher for the weenises, and left their talent pool a little shallow. HOWEVER, luck began to change for the ill-fated weens, as a magical fairy (not the dave odem kind) appeared bringing the weenises a good player in the guise of kip snufalapagus.corbet. Though kip was no ringer to be sure, he provided the weenises with a little more "manpower". Unfortunately, even kip's tight....shooting wouldnt prove to be enough to put the weenises in the win column (wins against cracka dont count!) No, it wasnt until one fateful night when sean hood was REALLY drunk, and being serviced by young african virgins, that the weenises were finally given an ace in the hole. Going on her gut intuition, Jamie asked sean, "Can we have that jewish lad for our team?" Sean, not paying any attention to the question, proclaimed "yes!!!" during a mad bout of heated passion. It wasnt until sobriety struck hood that he realized what he had down. Now, with the crusading chivalry of vilhem weisberg, the weenises reenter the battle for number one, for fate has smiled on them again... six teams in the playoff.... BREAKDOWN : Keep in mind : week 10's squad are defintely not your parent's weenises, thats for sure. With the power duo of weisberg and corbett in hand, the weenises have finally been given a second chance. However, will the ferocity of these two swedes be enough to put the yellow banner on the victory pole? Well, if that is to happen, the weenises are going to really need to buckle down and score some points. Week 9 showed the world they could do just that, as they racked in 20 in one game, causing them to lose to the rts by only one run. Now, if the weenises can make those kinds of waves down the line, and into the playoffs, then there may be hope for them yet. But, to do this, the weenises are going to have to pay attention to the flow of the game. The weenises have (at least) 5 starters who all deserve to be in the game. So, who to sit? Smart money sits farmertino - she makes homeruns once in a while, but doesnt offer much on the defensive side. Keep hook in on defense w/weisberg and kip (the former to befuddle batters, the two latter to scoop in double plays), then drop in moroco as the 4th batter. Ween and Betts (whos made a great late season showing,) fill in for the others as need be. the most important factor towards weenis victory? The shooting of Berg himslef. If wesiberg is on base, then theres a good chance that every missed shot may get put back in He's an assist stallion, so if shes shooting cold, the rest of the team will likewise. THIS WEEK : to be cont'd...... (sorry crack and ween) |
| The Road to the Final Four |
| ETA : 1 week |