There is a lot to read this week, as this is the first time since I did the All-American Team that I have a decent amount of time to write something. This is so large, in fact, that this will take up three pages. Midseason team reports and midseason awards can be read beginning a couple paragraphs below
Before we get started, let me express my excitement that the SBL will be entering a float into this year's Small Ships Revue. If you don't know what that is, basically, a lot of local companies design a float and place it on the Shenango River to float down a little ways. There are judges to pick out the best floats, and I believe the winner recieves some sort of cash reward. Afterwords, there is usually a band playing and a lot of beer to drink, $6 for a half gallon milk jug full of beer. The location: Quaker Steak and Lube in Sharon. If you want a better explaination, ask Mac or one of the many Lube workers. I won't be able to ride the float, but most of you should be able to make it, so I encourage you to donate a few bucks toward the cause, ride the float, and get drunk next Friday.
If I were giving out conference grades, this one would get an F. The four teams combine for four victories over the National Conference (one of those being against a shorthanded Nappy Headed Ho's team and that was still a close game). Three of the four teams in the National Conference have at least that many. Unreal.
The Sparkling Wiggles: C+
Overview: Nate Tomko's Wiggles currently sit at 5-5 and are atop the American Conference. All five wins have come in conference play, while the team is winless in five tries against the National Conference. They are coming off a 2-0 week in Week Five.
Positives: At least they're beating the teams they should beat within an inferior conference. They've already swept PJ & the Ladies, who appear the only team who would be able to catch them for the conference lead. Nate Tomko is again looking like a Player of the Year and could threaten to break his record for RBIs in a season. They have three players in the top six in the RBI category (Tomko, Katie Kelly, Pat Lackey). Speaking of Pat Lackey, he may be finally starting to come around and look a little more like the 2005 version who drove in 100 runs.
Negatives: They can't seem to catch a break against the National Conference. They've already lost the season series to the Nappy Headed Ho's, whom they may be fighting for a higher seed in the playoffs. They accumulated a lot of statistics during Week Five, so nobody can say for sure whether or not they will be able to pick up the pace. Even if Pat Lackey returns to his All Star form of 2005, it won't matter once he leaves for North Carolina August 1. That'll do the Wiggles no good in the playoffs. Five of their remaining games are against Kathleen Turner Overdrive (2), Hot Fuzz (2), and the Nappy Headed Ho's (1).
Outlook: This week, the Sparkling Wiggles will play Team Double Stuff and the Screamin' Seagulls in perhaps the easist week they have left. Winning both of these games may be the best chance this team has of finishing over .500 and of getting a first round bye in the playoffs.
PJ & the Ladies: C
Overview: Despite being second place in their conference and being the only team to knock off Hot Fuzz, I cannot give them any better than a C grade because they failed at defeating Nate Tomko and the franchise remains winless against him through its entire existance.
Positives: Despite the 4-6 record and consistent no-shows by PJ Nespor, Rando's squad is only one game out of first place. Seriously, who would have through that at the beginning of the season? Who would have thought that after Week Two, when they were 1-3 and had totaled just 17 runs? They have been a resilient team, playing solid BASEketbal as of late. I'm sure Rando would like to mention just once more that PJ & the Ladies beat Hot Fuzz 31-30 this past Sunday. That's something none of the five teams ahead of them in the standings can say they've done. There are no games left against the Sparkling Wiggles.
Negatives: Unless this team got mad penalty minutes this past Sunday when I wasn't around, I have yet to see this team serve any time in the box. Nobody has been humped, had their shirts pulled over their heads hockey fight-style, or dumped into a trash can. That makes me sad. Also, despite playing well recently, they are still two games below .500.
Outlook: Wow, does their schedule suck. Only two of their remaining games are against the American Conference. I'm not sold on the idea that they can keep playing well offensively just yet, although I could be proven wrong. If that's the case, they'll probably finish with 9, maybe 10 wins. If I'm right, things could get really ugly for this team, as in potentially last place ugly.
The Screamin' Seagulls: D-
Overview: A team with a potential lineup of Shelley Goodpastor, Jon Olsavsky, Terry Hall and Lee Nespor sits at 3-7 and only one game out of the cellar in their conference. Things looked so promising, especially after the draft and their acquisition of Hammy Wareham, but one bad thing after another leaves them where they are now. The only thing keeping them from an F is the fact that they at least beat a two person Nappy Headed Ho's team. That's also the only thing keeping them from being tied for last place.
Positives: They own two wins against the National Conference. Jon Olsavsky has decided to play, giving this team a chance. Lenny Christ leads the league in psyche-outs. Terry Hall is fourth in the league in double plays.
Negatives: Shelley Goodpastor is still missing. Lee Nespor has only 4 homers and 18 RBI. Terry Hall is playing like shit on the offensive side of things, as is anybody else who suits up for them. (EDIT : With a .581 average, Olsavsky is currently 4th in the sbl. Do your homework, handjob.) They were shut out by Hot Fuzz.
Outlook: While things can't get much worse, I don't see them getting much better. Even with Jon Olsavsky coming back, it's difficult to picture this team finishing with more than 6 or 7 victories.
Jukebox Hero: F
Overview: After winning its first game, the Heroes lost eight in a row before finally gaining a victory over Team Double Stuff last week. At 2-8, they sit at last place in their conference and in the league. Is this surprising anyone?
Positives: I actually found them worth mentioning in this column. If Hot Fuzz keeps winning, Nate Tomko is sure to stack a Jukebox squad against them, if for no other reason, so the American Conference can have another victory over the National. They actually own a victory over the other conference. The new yellow mesh looks cool. Somehow, they're only one game behind the Screamin' Seagulls for the last playoff spot (in a seven team format) and only two back of PJ & the Ladies (in a six team format).
Negatives: They're 2-8, 'nuff said.
Outlook: It looks like, once again, that the SBL will have the playoffs without Jukebox Hero qualifying. Honestly, do you see them winning more than just a game or two the rest of the way?