Finally, after months of hype and reading this garbage, the SBL season is upon us. For the next thirteen weekends, teenagers and asshole twenty-somethings from the Shenango Valley will be on a quest to hold a trophy named after a deceased singer. Perhaps some of them have an eye on one of the individual trophies (POTY or ROTY), because hey, personal accomplishments are much more satisfying than team glory. Others don't give a damn about winning or losing and just come to drink some beers and act like an asshole for a few hours on a Sunday afternoon. All of the madness, silliness, and competition starts in about 50 hours from the time this column will be posted.
Before I get to an actual topic, let me send some shoutouts. One SBL star recently graduated from Duquesne. Another star is graduating this weekend from CMU. An SBL megastar's girlfriend also graduates this weekend, but from Westminster College. So Pat, Jamie, and Erika: congratulations!
I've decided that I will state some truths about this year. This is somewhat similar to the "NFL Truths" column that used to be on ESPN.com Page 2, with the differences being that there won't be ten of them and they won't be well-written. However, you can take it to the bank that the following things will happen because if you read it in this column, then it must be true!
1. Many top names in BASEketball will miss more than one week.
This seems like a copout statement, so I will have to do some explaining on this one. Ever since I came into the league three years ago, I could always count on a number of big "stars" (in this league) to be there. Nate Tomko, Bryan Frankovich, Rando Knight, Mikey Moroco, Shelley Goodpastor, Matt McClelland and a host of others would be seen exclusively on a driveway somewhere in Sharon or Hermitage on a Sunday afternoon. Back then, the majority of players were either still in school or had all but settled in the area and could be committed to the league. More and more players are graduating and since the job market sucks in the Shenangahela, this means that more and more players will search elsewhere to earn a living. Matt McClelland is a prime example, but the list doesn't stop there. Ben Smith, Jamie Moroco, and Pat Lackey can now be considered on that list. Shelley Goodpastor is MIA. Nate Tomko may spend a portion of the summer opening up Lubes across the country. Billy Weisberg and the Lackeys go on vacations, with the former being known to go on one monthly. While players missing weeks is no new thing, it could turn out to be a bigger deal than in previous years. Honestly, I can only think of five players who will suit up each and every week: Bryan Frankovich, Mikey Moroco, Pat Nespor, and Rando Knight (you could have probably thought of many more in 2004). Since three of them play for Hot Fuzz, B-Frank could very well win his first title. Too bad there may not be anyone else around to see it.
2. Tony Mastrian will be the Rookie of the Year the same way Ray Cataline was last year: by default.
There has been a lot of talk about this year's rookie class, mainly that there was actually going to be one. Something tells me that there will likely be a rookie class of only one come August. I can't explain why. This is a gut feeling. Perhaps Rob Chavara or Gavin St. John will stick with the SBL for the whole year and prove me wrong.
3. PJ & the Ladies will finally defeat Nate Tomko.
...And it could happen this weekend! As you may know by now, Nate is in Portage, Indiana and will be there until Sunday morning, when he will drive back to Sharon just in time for the 3:00 starting time (so he'll probably still be there well before you). It's hard to imagine Nate being in the best of shape, especially considering that he didn't play so well in the playoffs last year after returning from a vacation in Florida just hours prior. He may not use that as an excuse, but I'm not him. While the rest of the Sparkling Wiggles are a talented bunch, it is never easy to win when your best player isn't at 100%. Also consider that there has to be something within PJ & the Ladies (especially Rando and PJ) that will view this as their best opprotunity to defeat our Facist President on the court. Even if it doesn't happen this weekend, it is bound to happen eventually, right?
4. Jukebox Hero will make a push for the playoffs.
A team that's registered just seven victories between 2004 and 2005 matched that total in 2006. They were only a game out of playoff contention. There are two theories you can go by. The first does not favor my assumption. Since the level of competition has risen in recent years, teams will value their best players and not let them waste valuable minutes on Jukebox Hero. The second theory is that since the level of competition has risen, teams may let their better players suit up for the yellow mesh army in hopes to sabotage another team's playoff hopes (or perhaps Nate stacking up a JBH team like he did to Team Koopa Troopa in 2005). My belief is that if one of the non-JBH teams doesn't watch out, that they may be caught from behind and miss the playoffs. But on the bright side, Lenny could simply have the players from said team play for him.
Well, that's a wrap for this week. I will look back on this at the end of the summer. Not that any of my predictions are going to be wrong. I'm just going to want to rub it in your face. See you guys on Sunday!