So here's the deal. A certain reader/SBL superstar complained to me at the draft complained that I didn't mention him enough in this column. Since I'm here to please, I figure I would not only mention his name, but I would also not go a paragraph without not mentioning it. I can't say his name just yet, but I'm sure you'll figure it out. Just in case you couldn't figure it out, and that may be some of you, there will be a counter after this and every paragraph to keep tabs on how many times his name is used in the column. By the way, Terry Hall is a pretty great Basketball player who deserves more attention. On with the column...
"Terry Hall" count: 1
Man, this colum really lives up to its name today! It was worth it though. Walking through the streets of Oakland drunk off your ass on a Thursday night can't be beat. Well, I'm sure it can, but last night was awesome, perhaps as awesome as that new 'fro Terry Hall is sporting. I'll tell ya though, random nights are always the best.
"Terry Hall" count: 2
Today's column is about Terry Hall, but mainly, it's about the state of the teams in the SBL. Now that rosters are rounded out, we can take a sneak peek into the 2007 season, and I will predict what may happen. How will my team do? How will Terry Hall's team do? How will your team do? The answers will appear in front of your eyes shortly. You're probably wondering how I know these things. The answer is simply that I'm that awesome I know everything. True story. But anyway, I'll go team by team and explain to you, the SBL fan and my loyal reader, the potential fate for each. You had better be turned on already. I know I am just thinking about it.
"Terry Hall" count: 4
PJ & the Ladies: Terry Hall might not like me previewing another team before his, but what better way to kick things off than with an SBL classic? You just sit there and think about it. You'll come up blank. Apparently, Rando was sick for the draft, so Billy "the Jew" Weisberg had to fill in. Boy, did he fill in admirably! And by "admirably", I mean, he was a little on the disappointing side. The quartet of PJ, Billy, Rando, and Dennis Lackey is talented and should win more than the five games that some may think they'll do. Dicking around will most certainly cost this team some games in the regular season and in the playoffs. It's highly doubtful they'll win or even make it to the championship, although they'll be that team who you won't want to face in the first round of the playoffs. They're more than capable of winning a three game series or two and may catch a higher seeded team napping if they're not careful. Expect some laughs, crazy psyche-out attempts, first-inning grand slam attempts, some humping, lots of penalty minutes, a fight or two, and perhaps even some surprise victories. I just hope they're not against Terry Hall's team. That would be tragic.
"Terry Hall" count: 6
The Sparkling Wiggles: If you don't know what this team name means, you need to look up the video on College Humor. It's hillarious, but wrong. That poor little girl. I can't wait to see her reaction when she gets older and knows what she did and that it got online. Then, once she finds out that a baseketball team was named afteer it...man! She won't know what to do with herself. Maybe Terry Hall could console her. Speaking of the team now, I really want to say that they're the early favorites. Nate has virtually two leadoff hitters in front of him, so his RBI total should be pretty high. Too bad nobody else on this team will drive in any runs. You would argue that Pat Lackey had 100 RBI in 2005, but then I'll say, "too bad he probably won't be around to do it again this year". Talent is of no help to a team, unless its talented players are around to display it. Also, four of their draft picks consist of a girl whom I have never met before in my three years here, yet has been a first round pick every year (refer to my last sentence), a guy from the army who will likely be benched, a guy who once batted .000, and a ditry, filthy, rotten, stinkin' Canadian (I was tempted to not even capitalize the "C"). You can never count out a team with Nate Tomko on it, though, so this will be a team to watch.
"Terry Hall" count: 7
"Team .273": Lee has not come up with a team name yet, so I'm simply using the default name that Nate used on the site for him. And yes, this is Terry Hall's team, so you'll see Terry Hall's name a lot in this paragraph. This team could be scary good, but at the same time could competely suck ass. Having Lee and Terry Hall bat behind Shelley Goodpastor and Jon O. should be fun to watch. They'll be a force offensively. Defensively, they should be pretty good too, with Lee doing psyche-outs, and Tery Hall and Jon O. tipping in missed shots. Lee may have done the best job in the draft. Lenny Christ and Derek Lockovich are pretty solid picks (And speaking of Derek Lockvich, isn't his sister the one who's Jeff Knight's baby's mama..or perhaps cousin or something? I was just thinking that if it were Terry Hall's kid, that he would probably be an early frontrunner for the 2008 Rookie of the Year, all while pimpin' out in preschool). You can't go wrong with Heather Kendall and Big Ando in late rounds. I have no clue who Rob Chavara is, but I'm sure he's a cool dude. I can't see anything wrong with this team except for the whole attendence thing. Refer to my last paragraph about the whole talent not meaning anything unless players are there to show it. That applies here too, and it will probably be used at least once more in this column for another team. Terry Hall.
"Terry Hall" count: 13
"Team Fear of the Sun": Another team without it's official name. They are led by Kip Corbett, a man who is as white as Terry Hall is black, perhaps even whiter. This team has potentially two issues. The first is, what if Tony Mastrian flops? I'm not saying that he will. but it's no certainty that he will succeed. The question is who could step up in his spot. Lou Shernisky, maybe, but he's another unproven rookie, and some say that he's nowhere near as good as Terry. My other beef is at leadoff hitter. Greg Lackey should be alright, but he's not exactly a true leadoff hitter. For this team to succeed, they need to score runs in bunches, and in order to do that Terry Shernisky needs consistent table-setters. Defensively, they should be fine. But being able to tip-in misses better than the other team doesn't help much if the other team misses way less often than you do. They have talent, but I don't see them going very far against all the competition around them. I still love you, Kippy!
"Terry Hall" count: 14
"Team It'd Be Worth Prison Time": I highly doubt Aaryn Christman would go with my suggested team name from a couple of weeks ago. Terry Hall would if he were capitain. I really like the xDeathx reunion. There might be weeks where all of them show up..and there might be weeks where it's just Aaryn Christman. If they all come, they could be very dangerous, maybe as much so as all the hair spray Terry Hall must use to keep his 'fro intact to the ozone layer. Very good defense..solid on offense. Even thoug Aaryn Christman might turn out to be the best leadoff hitter in the game, I'm not sure if that and their defense will be enough to carry them to the championship. They have the potential, but I don't know. I wouldn't exactly jump on the horn to call Vegas about this team just yet. Pete Rose sill might though.
"Terry Hall" count: 16
"Team Longballs and Longnecks": Yeah, I'll think of a name eventually. Maybe I'll even reveal it in a future column. It could be that awesome. This team could be that awesome too, but remember my line about talent and showing up and all that good stuff from earler in the column. We have three big names, Matt McClelland, Jamie Morocco, and myself. Two leadoff hitters batting in front of me should equal lots of runs and a much better season than last yaer. A solid defense around me will ensure that we can still win even when we're not shooting our best. The bench isn't too bad either, and should help round out a lineup if and when one (or more) of the three stars go missing for a week or two. It'll also be really interesting to see how Ray Cataline plays, given his Rookie of the Year/Homerun Derby finalist season last year. Could he blossom into a big star? Terry Hall did last year. This team should have the talent to make it to the playoffs. Whether or not they stay there awhile depends on how the trio of Mac, Jamie, and myself fare. If we're all there in August, we may be the team to beat. If not, then one of the other talented teams in the league will likely knock us out of contention. Other than attendence, there are no holes on this team.
"Terry Hall" count: 17
"Team Stud's Nephew": This is a very strong team. I can't think of too many duos better than Bryan Frankovich and Mikey Morocco. They have a starting four who should show up consistently. They have a returning Seth Salcedo, who was last seen in a trashcan somwhere between Sharon and New Wilmington. I hear he's gotten quite big, meaning that B-Frank and himself should be a pretty good scrumming tandem. It's doubtful that we'll see much of Andy Esenwein or Addam Stainbrook, but both will produce for the one or two times they may show up, and it's doubtful this team will lose any of those times. I have no idea who Gavin St. John is, but I know a Tyler St. John, and he's a pretty cool guy, so he's alright with me. Then, there's Ted's sister. Yes, these are the assholes who drafted Allison Gilliland this year. Terry Hall laughed when this happened, as did everyone else there. The one flaw this team has is at leadoff hitter. Either Pat Nespor or Mike Frankovich will have to do the job, but I don't see either of them being that great at it. Most of the offense for some games may come purely from Mikey and Bryan. Solo homers, anyone? With all that said, this team still has the tools to finally get Bryan Frankovich an SBL trophy. If they play to their potential, there's no reason why it won't happen.
"Terry Hall" count: 18
Well, I hope you enjoyed this week's column. I'm sure Terry Hall did. Speaking of which, the "Terry Hall" count, including all the times I used his name in the after paragraph counts and in this paragraph is now 29. Add in the one from the title of this page, and that gives us a whopping 30 times. Which is ironically 30 more times than I usually use Terry Hall's name in a column. But anyway, I hope you all have a good weekend. I'm looking forward to seeing you all in May, or sometime beforehand. Until next time, you stay classy, Shenangahela!
FINAL "Terry Hall" count: 32