FACT OR FICTION 2008, WEEK 7
Starring nate tomko, bob spohn and billy weisberg
1) THE SBL SHOULD STRAY FROM THE NORMAL
Nate: Fiction. I’m kind of torn on this one. I’ll admit, this is
the 6th time in a row we’ve formatted the all-star game this way and
it’s getting a bit tired. The teams, and
in particular the
The world will be looking a bit different
this season. Gone are perennial stars
Jon Biddle and Jamie Moroco, and Ben Smith and Matt Mcclelland probably haven’t played enough games to have
found their way back to the team… yet.
I’m thinking Stud makes his first all-star game this year, as will Gavin
St. John. That infusion of new blood
should be enough to keep things fresh, and I like that players like Bob Spohn and Mike Frank are getting serious all-star
consideration. So for one more year, I
think, we should keep this format.
Besides, right now the world has a 3-2 edge
in the all-time series. I don’t like
losing to anyone. After we tie it up
this year we’ll come up with something different.
In case you were wondering, my current
all-star teams:
Sharon- capt.
Tomko, Sherry, Kelly, Hall, Christman, Weisberg
World- capt.
Stud, B.Frank, M.Frank, Spohn, GSJ, Moroco
Bob: fiction. its tradition thats like changing
the mlb all-star game or the nfl
pro-bowl. stick with what works.
Billy: Fact. I would personally like to see the
interesting match ups that could arrive from some splitting into a American vs. National all-stars or some other form of
picking players like lethal lottery, number votes, or paper rock scissors tourney.
2) THE OATCAKE HATE MONSTERS OUGHT TO LOOK INTO
TRADING SHELLEY GOODPASTOR
Nate: Fact. I’m certainly not saying they should send her
packing, but if I were terry hall I’d be looking into it. On any other sbl
team, shelley is an
absolutely untradeable commodity. However, the oatcake hate monsters may need
another solid defender more than they need another single and double shooter. With katie kelly on board, they already have a shooter that can match goodpastor in every area she’s shot from this season- keep
in mind this isn’t the shelley of a few years ago
that was knocking down triples and homers.
Toss in matt mcclelland, one of the most
reliable players ever from in close, and factor in that terry hall has been
heating up from outside, and that offense won’t be missing many steps even if
it was devoid of shelley. In fact, going with only three may allow them
to get into more of a rhythm.
What this team may need to get over the laser
cats, and my entire response here is under the
assumption that oatcake and the cats will be meeting for the left-eye in week
13, is a defender who can consistently and reliably put in double plays, and
maybe even register a psyche-out or two.
Thus far in their series against the cats, the monsters have been out
double played 14-7. Sure, one game was
played without mcclelland, but you just absolutely
cannot give a team as powerful as the cats any extra outs. Furthermore, adding someone else who can keep
the ultra-athletic cats from getting assists would be golden. Terry Hall is an elite defender, mcclelland is a big body that won’t make any spectacular
plays but is definitely reliable, and katie
Kelly doesn’t back down one iota from any guy in this league not named rando. But do you
really think they can match up with Shernisky, Tomko,
Bob Spohn and Tim Martin?
Mike Frankovich may
be the answer. I don’t know if Billy
would be able to part with him, but in my mind it makes sense for both
squads. Mike, tho
not quite as surehanded as shelley from inside, makes singles and doubles. He hasn’t registered a ton of d.p.’s this year, but really
nobody on voltron has because they all spread the
love around. He’s long enough to
frustrate the cats assist attempts, and would allow katie to sit out on defense so she doesn’t have to do
anything but focus on her next double. In
addition, Mike is there every single week, and that would prevent Terry from
having to go back to Will Williamson as he did last week. As for the already defensively sound Voltron, they add a top-level and consistent hitter to a
team laced with offensive ups and downs.
Other options for a possible trade could be
Chris Pacsi or Opie Neff,
and tho I doubt Kip would go for it, Ben Smith would
make a ton of sense, too. Martin would
also be a possibility, tho I can’t see Terry Shernisky tinkering with an undefeated team.
Bob: fiction. who would they trade for? though it
is known that her attendance is a bit sketchy when she does come it makes the
hate monsters a force to be feared by any team in the sbl.
Billy: Fiction. Do you ever
want to play against a Shelly Goodpastor??? The
ability to show no emotion and make 90% of the shots on the court even with a
lackey on the court is rare. Oatcake should just needs to focus on getting
Shelly to attend the games.
3) DENNIS LACKEY WILL GET AN ASSIST BY THE END
OF THE SEASON
Nate: Fiction. Boy, does my heart
want to say yes. In fact, we play the
Democracy this weekend and I would pretty much toss him an assist just so he
could notch his first career put-back. But I don’t think Dennis would want it,
not like that. Over five and a half
seasons of baseketball, Dlack
has accomplished many things. He’s a
former player of the year finalist, a former all-star, and was until a short
time ago the career psyche-out leader.
But the one thing he hasn’t accomplished is to register an assist, and
sadly I don’t think it’s gonna
happen for Dennis this year, either.
It’s not that he’s not capable of it, either. He’s in the top quarter of the league in
all-time double plays. He’s just really,
really unfortunate. Never in the right
place at the right time, you know?
Don’t worry, Dennis. One day, your time will come. One day the ball will bounce to your side of
the hoop. One day the ball will bounce
to your side of the hoop and you’ll be ready for it. One day the ball will bounce to your side of
the hoop and you’ll be ready for it and you won’t blow the easy tip. And One day, Dennis, the fans will go every
bit as apeshit as you will!
Bob: fact. he is probably the most capable person on banana democracy
to do so (that come regularly) and the fact that he hasn't kind of amazes me. i think he will get one this week
against juke box if he shows up.
Billy: Fiction. I would love to say yes to this
question, being a former teammate of Dennis. But with the recent poor
attendance record, the competitiveness of the league, and history against him,
I don’t think it’s possible.
4) THE RETURN OF JUSTIN SHAFFER AND JASON BIDDLE
TO PROPEL THE BANANA DEMOCRACY TO A 2-WIN WEEK
Nate: Fiction. Unfortunately for the Republic, they’ve got a
bitch of a draw against the laser cats this sunday.
Justin Shaffer, better known as Fred, and his
cohort Jason Biddle, better known as JaBidd, have not
been seen in this league since july
of 2006. For many of you, that makes
this weekend the first time you’ll experience the awesomeness that is Biddle
and Fred. Let me fill you in on the backstory.
Fred and Biddle are too relatively unathletic looking regular joes whom I met many years ago while working at Donofrios. We had
some mutual friends, and sure enough they had started coming to baseketball in early 2002. And wouldn’t you know it, they were real fuckin’ good.
Now keep in mind that 2002 good and 2008 good
aren’t like apples and apples. Back in
those days, PJ Nespor passed as real good. But still, these two unathletic
fellow stockboys posted some gaudy numbers. I believe biddle went 10 for 11 in his first game ever, and
Shaffer was a one of three player of the year finalists.
Sadly, these two brilliant young minds did
what brilliant people do. They graduated
from college and got the hell out of the Shenangahela. And the promising baseketball
careers of biddle and fred came to a screeching halt. They’ve made it back few times since then,
usually showing up for at least one week a season, and blowing us away when
they did.
If they were playing any other team this
week, I’d go ahead and say yeah, they win both.
But not the laser cats. The last time the cats and the democracy met
on this court, the end result was a 17-0, one hit shutout. I don’t think even these greats are great
enough to make up that big of a difference.
But oh, what a heroic story it would be if they did!
Yeah, they’ll kill jukebox now, tho.
Bob: fiction.
They play the laser cats, enough said.
Billy: Fact. Fred and Biddle together can be
unstoppable duo. I think Fred and Biddle’s appearance is just what The republic needs to spark them before heading into the
playoffs
5) BEN SMITH HAS ONE HOMERUN THIS YEAR, AND THAT MAKES HIM AN IDIOT
Nate: Fact. Imagine if Dennis Lackey decided he didn’t
want to try to psyche people out anymore.
Or if Matt Mcclelland decided he wanted to
start swishing his shots. Or if Greg Lackey started shooting like a normal person. Or if Rando
started caring about the final score.
This is like all of those, and then some.
Ben Smith absolutely made his career on the
homer. It earned him a bunch of all-star
nods, a player of the year vote or two, and probably got him more ass than a
toilet seat. And what does he do to
repay the homerun that put him on the map?
He abandons it like a prom nite baby.
Okay, Ben.
Stop trying to be Billy Weisberg, because we already have a Billy
Weisberg. Get your ass back there to the
homerun stripe and let ‘er rip. I remember a time when people had to beg you
NOT to shoot a homer. And now, I’m
practically on my hands and knees trying to get a hail mary
out of you. The Ben Smith of 2005 would
kick you in the nuts if he could see what you were doing to yourself.
Bob: fact. Why is
he shooting singles and side doubles! get two men on
and let ben smith make it rain. thats all the strategy u need.
Billy: Ben Smith not shooting homeruns is like Ben
smith volunteering to be the DD for the night. Just shouldn’t ever happen.
6) JON OLSAVSKY WILL END THE SEASON WITH THE TOP
BATTING AVERAGE IN THE LEAGUE
Nate: Fact. But I promise Katie and I will do everything
in our power to keep it from happening.
Not that I have any problem with Jon, and not
that he isn’t a good shooter. But he’s
only played one week- three games- on what is perhaps the best court he
possibly could have played on, Bryan Frankovich’s
broken-ass backboard bank-o-rama. To me, it would suck to let a sub .500
lifetime hitter finish the season with a near .700 average and etch his name
into the record books. Just like it sucked in 2001 when Marc Owens did it.
Jon probably won’t be back this season, but
stranger things have happened. If he
doesn’t, and his average doesn’t drop a bit, I just don’t see how anyone will
catch him. We’d pretty much have to make
8 of every 10 shots from here on out to catch up. That seems unlikely, unless Teddy Ballgame
gives us a ring to open up Horsecock Downs for a
weekend of baseketball.
Bob: fact. The
only person who has a chance is the younger christman
and she already stated that her sbl career was a one
day only event.
Billy: Fact. Nate is close to catching the single
shooting Jon O, but his number at bats will make it nearly impossible to catch.
Little Christman has a chance if she were to ever
show up again, but I doubt that is going to happen.
7) THE
Nate: Fact. Sorry, Mikey, but
it’s not happening. Over the next two
weeks, the Kamikazees have what has got to be the
toughest schedule in the league, not a place to be when you’re 2 games out with
6 left to play. This weekend, the queens
and the hate monsters come calling, and next week they
get a dose of voltron and the laser cats. Combined record of their next four
opponents? 40-16. yikes!
Okay, so let’s be optimistic here and say
that somehow, someway, the 2-12 KK split against those four behemoths. That would still only leave them tied with
the heroes, and let’s face it expecting them to take two in the next couple of
weeks is really a stretch. They would
then have to beat the heroes in week 10 to have any sort of chance, and this kamikazees have certainly not played well under pressure
thus far.
So, to recap, the kamikazees
need to go 3-3 over their brutal final 6 games, and hope that jukebox doesn’t
win again. I’m glad I’m not wearing red
and white this season.
Bob: fact. i would like to say otherwise but
looking at their record even if they get personel to
show up, the hole that they are in is just too deep.
Billy: Fiction. I think Mikey,
Paci, Jeanne Mentrek our very underrated team. This is a team that hasn’t taken a
game seriously all year in the true spirit of baseketball.
I believe in the few weeks left of the season the KYOTO KAMIKAZEES will beat
out jukebox for the last playoff spot.
8) THE
Nate: Fiction. As if.
Bob: fiction. Even with the slow starts the cats have show
that they can rise to the occasion,when
one plays bad the others step their game up to pick up the slack. plus i foresee some timely pysche-outs by nate tomko. sorry aryn
christman.
Billy: Fiction. Lasercats have too
much fire power in their offense and defense. Unless Stud and Aryn Christman figure out a way
to box out terry, nate, or any other laser cats for a
second or two to allow Bryan to double play them during the few misses they
have a game, But I don’t think it will happen