| 1- UNCLE JED'S POCKET WATCH, WHO CURRENTLY OWN THE LONGEST WINNING STREAK IN THE SBL THIS SEASON, ARE THE FAVORITES TO WIN IT ALL RIGHT NOW |
| 2- THE 2005 PLAYER OF THE YEAR AWARD IS UP FOR GRABS |
| 3- THE FUPALOOTERS WILL EARN THEIR IMPROBABLE REGULAR SEASON CHAMPIONSHIP THIS WEEK AFTER OVERCOMING A TERRIBLE EARLY CAMPAIGN |
| 4- GREG LACKEY WILL BE THE DOWNFALL OF TEAM KOOPA TROOPA, WHO ARE 0-2 WITH HIM IN THE LINEUP |
| 5- THE JBH SELECTION COALITION SENDING OUT THE JUKEBOX HERO ALL-STARS TO POUND ON TEAM KOOPA TROOPA LAST WEEK WAS JUST WRONG |
| 6- THE WEISBERG/TOMKO/PJ & THE LADIES PROJECT HAS BEEN A MISERABLE FAILURE |
| 7- PATRICK NESPOR IS GOING TO GET SNAPPED IN HALF IF HE CONTINUES TO SCRUM |
| nate: FACT. with pj & the ladies and team koopa troopa struggling of late, my pick to win it all right now is uncle jed. jed has collected six scalps in a row, including wins against koopa and the fupalooters and a beatdown of the ladies right before the streak got started. more than any other team, jed is peaking at the right time. shelley goodpastor is playing better than anyone right now, and the recent addition of jeff knight should only improve UJPW on both sides of the ball. this is one team that nobody wants to see right now. |
| FACT. there aren't many contenders, but it's certainly not a lock. obviously, shelley is about as important to her team as anyone, and she's just a monster on offense- i'd rank her at the top in that category. unfortunately, people have shyed away from voting her POY in the past because she's not a real defensive presence, and i can't blame them for that because i, too, think the player of the year should be dominant on both sides of the ball. terry shernisky fits the bill, but i doubt the veteren-laden selection committee would bestow such an honor on a rookie unless he was clearly the best player around. ben smith would also have to be considered a candidate as an offensive stud and a solid defender, but he may just be a product of his high-scoring team. finally, there's me, and though statistically i'm putting up my best season ever, after last year i'm beginning to think the rest of the league may no longer be willing to see me win another one, and again, i can't really blame them. aside from these four players, i don't think anyone else really fits the bill, but who knows how the voting will go. |
| FICTION. the scubafluters just have too much stacked against them this week. on their menu are the tots, who i doubt they'll be able to keep up with on offense, and analisa goodthing. goodthing, depsite the inferior record, are probably a better team player for player, and it's only a matter of time before they start playing like it. besides, if you don't think big whitey, billy p and dank are gonna be juiced to send biddle and co. stumbling into the playoffs, you just don't know baseketball. i see them dropping at least one, which will probably be enough to keep them from the title. both other 11-7 teams have an advantage, whether it be tiebreaker (koopa troopa) or ease of week 10 schedule (pj&l). |
| FICTION. sure, koopa troopa was kicking tail before he warped his hot-girlfriend ass into super mario world and has run into the preverbial hammer brother since, but that's not greg's fault. it's bryan frankovich's, because god hates him because he masturbates. |
| FICTION. no way. the "jbh selection coalition"; me; decided it was going to make these final weeks a little more interesting. and i can do that if i want to, because this is my league and i can do whatever i want, bitch! facist? i'll give you that. but not by choice. i tried to make this league a democracy... i delegated responsibility, i assigned other league members to do small things to help me out, i tried creating positions that would allow others a vote in all things sbl. and what have i gotten out of it? nada, save an assload of letdowns and a hoop held to my garage by a rope. there is nobody out there that works as hard for this league as i do, and there are few who work at all. so from now on, i'm only out to please one person. and guess who that is? it's me, fuckers. me! from now on, i'm saddam and this league is my iraq. you can all struggle for crumbs while i bathe in ivory bathtubs with real virgin areola showerheads! |
| FACT. we all suck so much dick, i don't know how anyone could consider this a success. the ladies have forced me to wallow in their mediocrity, and because i'm on their squad bitching them out all the while, they can't even kick back and enjoy my suffering. and jesus, billy is just a heaping pile of gay. but there's still hope. this version of pj & the ladies was created so that the hammer and sickle could finally win an sbl championship. we aren't out of the playoffs yet, technically speaking, so there's still hope that we can void the entire regular season with a huge run in the next 4 weeks. though it's certainly going to take one hell of a screwjob. |
| FICTION. patrick, tho he's about as buff as fiona apple, is a pretty tenacious guy. he's not going to win a lot of scrums, at least not without ted around, but he holds his own considering he's often outweighed by at least 50 lbs. and he's got a strong-looking spine... i can see every inch of it through his shirt. so we've already talked about the female scrum tournament, but how's this for an all-star idea? the all-weenie scrum tournament. send patrick out there with katie burger and teddy ballgame and jared clayton and the like and see who the best of the worst is? sure, it won't be as hot as the chick scrum tourney, but wouldn't it be nice to see one of these weaklings pull off what will most likely be the only scrum win of their lives? |
| dennis: FICTION. i don't care what team we're talking about, if you don't get the bye to the finals, you can't possibly be considered the favorite. with this format, basically one team chills for a couple weeks while the other guys have a head-bashing, ass-romping time until someone comes out on top. uncle jed would have to win twice and do some crazy tiebreaker shit that i'm not even sure is possible to get that bye, so no, they're not the favorite. |
| FACT. okay, yes, it's up for grabs, but it shouldn't be. let's not lie, nate leads every single column except for double plays. he even leads psyche-outs, and who the fuck saw that coming? not to mention that he's the president and is 100% more dedicated than anyone, plus the reason the league exsists. but still, it's close because nobody really wants to see the same guy win it every year. and i know nate didn't win it last season, but i guess everyone just loves an underdog. |
| FACT. this is more wishful thinking than anything for my new squad, but it's pretty damn possible. if fupa beat the hopefully ben smith-less tots (ed. note- he'll be there) and if biddle can beat xdeathx minus himself (analisa) then it should be a shoe-in. unfortunately for koopa and the ladies, they have to play each other. of the three firt place teams, fupa has the easiest final week, which they can hopefully take advantage of. |
| FICTION. fuck this shit, lackey's rule. okay, so he played like a riggabamboo last week, but look t the switch. he went from biddle and batty, who just wanna lite a few up, to mac and the franks, who all seem to be taking victory more seriously than greg's old team. koopa really could benefit from greg, who has been one of the best leadoff hitters all year. once he chills out a little, koopa will be back on track. |
| FACT. yeah, it was a pretty dick thing to do. there's not too much else that can be done. that game was what kept koopa from an essential victory at a crucial point in the season. can it be repaired? yes, this weekend pj & the ladies will be playing jukebox looking for an essential victory at a crucial point in the season. if tomko and the ladies want to play fair (even though they "stand for anarchy" and all that crap, they should face a stacked jbh in week 10. (ed. note- as if) |
| FACT. no shit. when i first heard about what went on that the draft, i basically just figured "eh, here comes this years double bluffs". i kinda figured that was that, and i was playing for second place. and for the first few weeks, thats exactly how they looked. then somehow, i don't know what it was, but all of a sudden the ladies were beatable. i can't explain it, and i hear all this "bad chemistry" stuff, but look at the team: it's made up of 5 guys who have been in the league and friends from the start. is h2o not water anymore? are my balls on fire? maybe. |
| FACT. i haven't really talked to him yet, and i like the nespors as a whole, but i could see it happening, and likely in a very funny matter. in my mind, the ideal half-snapping would be from big ted, where teddy plays the part of shaq's wang and patrick the part of ally mcbeal. |