SBL 2008 PRESEASON ALL-AMERICAN TEAMS
sponsored by NEW chocolate skittles
First Team
TERRY SHERNISKY, laser
cats
Coming off a monster campaign in which he topped his
previous bests in all categories and came within spitting distance of ripping
the Earnest away from nate tomko, the laser cats captain is a unanimous selection for
the 2008 preseason all-american team. His 53 homers and 176 rbi were light years ahead of anyone else in the
league other than Tomko, and he also finished with the highest batting average
in the game. His game is flawless in
every area and, barring any freak wheat threshing accidents, Terry will be atop
the first team come seasons end. It’s
hard to figure out exactly what kind of numbers Sherry will produce this summer
given the team he’s on, but after watching him burn the SBL apart over the
final 5 weeks and postseason last year, 60 homers, a .700 average and 150 rbi aren’t much of a stretch at all.
BRYAN FRANKOVICH, the
queens of the rest stop reacharound
Perennial bridesmade
B.Frank has to realize this is his ultimate chance to
win his long-elusive player of the year award.
He’s been a staple on the SBL first-team for nearly his entire career,
and now that he’s got a world championship on his mantle he’s drooling at the
chance to add another piece of hardware to his collection. He’s been stuffing stats with the best of
them going on six seasons now, and with Shernisky and
Tomko dividing stats, another monster year from Frankovich
should secure him an Earnest. That
shouldn’t be a problem, as he’ll be batting directly behind one of the premiere
leadoff hitters in baseketball, Aryn
Christman.
Expect 30 homers, 140 rbi,
100 double plays and a .550 average frank
TERRY HALL, the
oatcake hate monsters
With the team he’s currently captaining and
given the skills he was able to hone in last seasons screamin’
trainwreck, young Terry Hall has to be considered an
SBL first-teamer heading into 2008. Hall hit 23 homeruns last season, easily
doubling up his previous best in that department, and really didn’t begin
shooting from the outside until week five when he realized that championship
hopes were futile for his squad. From
that point on, Hall became a one-man onslaught of run production, drilling
homers and plating Lee “.200” Nespor a miraculous 66
times. Now, batting behind a pair of
.550+ averages and being the most gifted defender on his team, Terry is ready
to make the leap from “one day” to “right now”.
NATE TOMKO, laser
cats
It almost seems unimaginable given what he’s
already accomplished in the SBL, but Nate isn’t entering this season as the
POTY favorite. And you know what, he’s probably not second in many people’s minds,
either. And given what Terry Hall has
batting in front of him, Tomko may not be #3.
I’m sure all that is just fine with him, however, as it’s been nearly 3
years since our president has won himself a world championship and his being
teamed with Terry Shernisky seems destined to end
that drought. Still, he’s a hall of famer with a whole trophy room full of SBL bling, so even on a down year Nate is gonna
give you 20 homers, a .600+ average, 100 rbi, 10
assists and 80 double plays. That will
be enough to keep him on the first team.
MIKE MOROCO, the
Mikey, who has spent the last few years of his life
bridging the gap between ‘the big three’ and the rest of the SBl, holds serve in making his third straight appearance on
the preseason all-american team. The
Second Team
KATIE KELLY, the
oatcake hate monsters
As is with so many other stars in the SBL, Katie
is coming off a career year as she enters her fifth season. After being harassed as an Ichiro-type player
who does nothing but inflate her average with singles and a double or two from
time to time, Katie shut everyone up good last year by rounding out her game to
include a ton of triples and, when the time called for it, even a handful of
homers. In addition, Katie continued to
be a double play threat and also tipped in 6 ASSISTS! Seriously, in 3 months of basketball Katie
Kelly tipped in 6 assists! Sure, that includes
playoffs, but COME ON! Is anyone else as
impressed by that as I am? Add up every
other assist by a female, playoffs or regular season, in the entire history of
the SBL since it’s inception 8 years ago. Go on, I’ll wait. Hell, I can’t take the suspense, I’ll just
tell you. It’s 5! 5!
Katie beat 7 seasons of baseketball’s worth of
female assists from May through August of last season. That would be like John Davidson hitting 2400
homers this season. Unbelievable.
ARYN CHRISTMAN, the
queens of the rest stop reacharound
I just soaked my trousers writing about Katie
Kelly, and look what I get next. You
know what, I need to recharge my batteries for
now. I’ll come back to this one…
BILLY WEISBERG, voltron
What would an all-american
team be without the Jim Thorpe of the SBL?
The Hebrew Hammer is coming off his best ever SBL season, which is quite
remarkable considering we’re talking about a former player of the year and
seven-time all-star who was inducted into the league’s second-ever hall of fame
class. This year, Billy is on a team he
practically hand-picked, one in which he can not only win a championship, but
thrive statistically. As he usually
does, Billy will spend equal time on defense tipping in rebounds and
unselfishly boxing out so his teammates can get the glory. On the other side of the ball, Billy is as
good as they come at seamlessly transitioning from table-setter to run-producer
and back again. What separates this
season from all other for Weisberg is that suddenly he is a top-notch shooter
who rarely misses. Mark my words, rest of the league, Billy is no longer just a nice
guy. Hating him might be impossible, but
you’re not gonna like him very much on Sundays you
take on voltron.
GEORGE KOVAC, the
fleshy funbridges
When he’s not lifting weights or…. well, I don’t
know if George actually does anything besides lift weights. Hell, I’m sure he does… there’s gotta be some cardio in his regiment somewhere, maybe 5k on
the elliptical or something. Anyway,
George is sexy, George likes the homer, and George hates shirts. But George is also pretty damn sweet when it
comes to baseketball, and he would have easily won
the rookie of the year award had he started playing prior to week 8. It looks promising he’ll play in a full slate
of games for the funbridges this year (for Rando’s sake, I hope so) and if he does 40 homers, 100 rbi and 50 double plays are all
within reach. As is an
undefeated record in scrums.
MATT MCCLELLAND, the
oatcake hate monsters
Sorry Ben Smith. Better luck next year Gavin
Mac Attack, the 2004 player of the year and ol’ reliable since he first smiled his way onto a baseketball court oh so many seasons ago, is back for one
more go this year. He’ll miss a week or
so for his job as he always does, but make no bones about it, Mac will be
playing in a full lineup of games in 2008.
and here’s what you’ll get from him: 10 homers, .550 in average, about 70 rbi, a handful of assists, 50 double plays and a psyche-out
of three. I’d take that over Mr.
Inconsistent, Mr. John Mayer and Mr. Penalty Box on my all-american
team any day of the week.
ARYN CHRISTMAN, the
queens of the rest stop reacharound
Okay, I’ve cooled down.
Aryn earned a spot
on the 2007 first-team all-american squad for two
reasons last year. One, she was the glue
that held together a double stuff squad that seemed to be made of silly putty
and actually willed her team to a berth in the finals. And while she was doing that, managed to obliterate
her previous career highs in homers, games played and runs batted in. She’ll be suiting up for a much better, and infinitely
more reliable queen squad this summer, and will be ready to bounce all over a
first-team spot should anyone above her slip up this year.
Honorable Mention
Ben Smith, the
banana democracy
Rando Knight, the fleshy funbridges
Gavin St. John, voltron
Jamie Fabian, voltron
Kip Corbett, the
banana democracy