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| THE 2006 SBL PRESEASON ALL-AMERICAN TEAM sponsored by honda and the summer blockbuster "stick it" |
| first team mikey moroco cashdollar & associates in four seasons in the sbl, mike moroco has appeared in 4 sbl championship games, the only player to do so. his average over the past three seasons has risen from .472 to .558 to .596. in that same time span, his rbi totals have leapt from 37 to 41 to 76, and his double play numbers from 1 to 12 to 43. obviously, mike is a player whose stock is on the rise, and we here at the dot com are all about jumping on board while the price is still relatively low. judging by our calculations, if the asian one continues at his current pace, by the year 2010 he will bat 1.456 with 312.67 ribbies and tip in 841 double plays, but we're projecting .650/90/20 (bidd's on his team) numbers this season, good enough for this list. this is mikey's first appearance on an all-american first team, preseason or otherwise. terry shernisky team wet dream the reigning sbl rookie of the year is a men among boys, or more importantly, a men among high school girls this year. fotunately for sherry, this team of high school hotties is built for him to shine, as he'll be driving in runs and tapping in double plays and assists 'til everyone realizes how annoying dave matthews band fans are. mark him down as a postseason first-teamer and player of the year finalist now, barring any injury or freak golf course maintenance accidents. and mark him down as the frontrunner to pull of the christman-kelly menage, too. projected stats: 24 hr, .700 avg., 150 rbi, 80 dp, 1 world championship. bryan frankovich the frankenbitches a two-time all american first-teamer, bryan is beginning to enjoy this honor. sadly, this is about the only honor bryan can enjoy, because he's 0-for-4 in winning sbl world championships, 0-for2 in taking home player of the year trophys in spite of being a finalist, winless is rookie of the year races, and winless in pretty much anything else sbl related. we're not saying this to make fun of bryan; if we wanted to that we'd much more likely make some sort of gay referance, we're simply trying to light a fire under one of the best players in the league. perhaps thats all he needs to finally get a job, any job, done. this year, bryan will be captaining a very deep, very talented squad that he'll be the focus of on both offense and defense. we're seeing another 30 homer year with about 100 ribbies and 50 double plays, and since nobody's played a game yet, just as good a shot as anyone at either an ernest or a left-eye. nate tomko live sex celebration five times a first team all-american, and four for four in preseason first team honors, nate is as much a fixture on this list as the letters s.b.l. every season it seems the apex of which someone can perform on a baseketball court has been reached, and each year tomko manages to raise the bar a little more. while he has yet to please a woman in bed, save a few "magic tongue" myths, he has more than gotten the job done on the court, and we see no reason for him to slip enough in 2006 to merit an all-american snubbing. expect something along the lines of 40 homers, a .700 average, 65 double plays and 125 rbi in the hall of famers sixth season. ben smith bukkake tsunami while ben is unlikey to reproduce his ridiculous 121 rbi total from 2005 this season, a mark that earned the 2-year veteran a first team nod and player of the year finalist recognition, we see him continuing to develop rapidly as a player and hold on to his spot as one of the leagues most prolific offensive forces. a benchwarmer as late as week 8 in 2004, ben erupted onto the scene last season thanks to his homer-saturated captaining of the tots, and a trifecta of .600 hitters, into the sbl finals. his 27 homes were good for third in the league last year, but ben is often overlooked as a consistent hitter despite his .542 average. we expect more of the same from ben this year, 30 jacks and a .550 average, but he should see less rbi and double plays. luckily for ben, he may actually be on a better team, and i'm sure he'd be more than happy to let a few numbers slide for a second world championship. second team jon biddle cashdollar and associates the only thing keeping bidd from his third consecutive preseason all-american squad is that he's guranteed to miss at least the first two weeks of the season, which should be just enough for the five players listed above him to maintain a firm grip on their positions. a steadlily improving offensive force, biddle is the shit, plain and simple, when it comes to defense. matt mcclelland the minori-team mac, the 2004 player of the year (who still has the trophy, by the way. we're gonna need that back) makes his second consecutive preseason second team thanks to another fun-filled campaign last year and the promise of being the best player on his squad this season. expect big numbers from the big guy, and should the minori-team turn a few heads, as nobody's really predicting, mcclelland may just find himself in the running for the ernest once again. aryn christman team wet dream even though she spent much of last year on the boys club that was pj & the mutherfucking ladies and struggleg with attendance issues throughout the summer, aryn still put up numbers that should have gotten her an all-star nod. (the jerks who vote for cal ripken at third for the a.l. all-star team every year make me sick, and apparantly they stuff the box of the sbl, too) anyway, we see a lot more action coming christman's way this year, and that generally translates into bigger numbers. this is aryn's first all-american appearance. katie kelly team wet dream mrs. shernisky, as we like to call her, finds herself on the all-american team for the first time, assuming we're discounting that third-team preseason thing from a year ago. she's gonna bat, hell, .750 or something, which will be more than enough, and may even tip in a double play or two and, if we're lucky, an assist! also, she'll probably captain the sbl's wet dream to a world title and find herself right back on this list some august. pat lackey bukkake tsunami as much as it pains me to create a preseason all-american team without billy weisberg, rando knight, jon olsavsky or shelley goodpastor, the fact of the matter is that pat deserves this spot. quick! who finished fifth in the sbl in runs batted in last season? no, it was bryan frankovich, but pat finished 6th with 100 even. he'll be on an... interesting... team this year, and may well lose his spot because his team is full of martians, but we're gonna just leave him here for now. this is pat's first time on the preseason team; he placed on the second team at the end of last season. snubs i've already mentioned billy, jon, rando and shelley (though she won't really care because it's not like she's going to be around. |