The Friday Hangover
What's better than being hungover when you have to work at 7:30 on a Friday morning? Why, being hungover when you have to work at 7:30 on a Friday morning and writing articles for the SBL as you sober up! I'll (probably) do this every Friday, so for the 10 of you who actually go to this site, keep checking.
With the 2007 season coming up and the draft just a couple of months away, let's take a few moments to recap what happened last year. I'm going to compile random information, trying to group information together by team. Sounds easy enough.
Nate Tomko won his fourth POTY award in just six SBL seasons. Ignore the numbers, and smell that stench. Yeah, that's the smell of facism!
At 13-7, Live Sex Celebration holds the second best record for any team not advancing to the championship series. Gonads and Strife (14-6 in 2003) holds the honor for the best record.
BREAKING NEWS: Punxsutawney Phil did not see his shadow! Early spring, bitches. What? That's just a myth? Screw you.
Rumor has it that Live Sex Celebration, had they won the chamionship, would have actually performed a "live sex celebration" midcourt.
Rumor also has it that had Bukkake Tsunami won, there would have been a live "bukkake tsunami" performed midcourt.
Speaking of the Tsunami, they hold the worst record of any team to reach the finals. They would have had to sweep the Wet Dream Team in the finals just to finish above .500!
Including the playoffs, Rando's band of merry drunken men had .500 records against both last place Jukebox Hero (2-2) and the champion Wet Dream Team (3-3). Also, after failing to beat Live Sex Celebration during the regular season, they go out and beat them in what turned out to be pretty good playoff series. Go figure.
The two wins in the aforementinoed series marked Big Rando's first and second wins ever against Nate Tomko.
Ben Smith had more homers and RBI, a better batting average, and nearly as many double plays in 9 playoff games than in 18 regular season games.
To quote a certain SBL superstar from a fact or fiction back in July: "i believe ben will pick up his game in the remaining weeks, but it won't be enough to carry his team deep into the playoffs." when asked about whether or not yours truly could lead Bukkake Tsunami deep into the playoffs. To quote yours truly from another July articke, "No Frankovich is allowed to win anything significant, ever. Seriously." Well, let's see, I was right and you were wrong, Bryan Frankovich. Burn! And whose team beat your team with a bunch of solo homers to prevent you from going to the finals? Mine...double burn! And whose team beat Frankovich's team last year in the playoffs when everybody thought you would win? Mine...for a triple burn!
With all of that said, had his team finished with a winning record, Frankovich may have been player of the year.
I am currently at work with someone who does not know the alphabet.
The Frankenbitches got swept 4-0 in the regular season by the Minoriteam and then swept their playoff series 2-0. Never before has a team been swept by another in the regular season and then went on to return the favor in a playoff series.
Minoriteam had two more former POTYs (2) than playoff wins (0).
They also had more black players (1) than playoff wins.
They went 0-6 against Live Sex Celebration and Wet Dream Team, and 10-4 against everybody else (10-6 if you include the playoffs).
Wet Dream Team had winning records against all other squads...except for Bukkake Tsunami!!!
Terry Shernisky is usually not up for weeknight drinking
Mikey Morocco had one hell of a year for Cash Dollar.
There are actually two Pitt employees with the last name "Cashdollar".
There you have it. Next week, assuming the people from Aqua Teen Hunger Force don't screw up an advertisement and the damn thing turns out to be a bomb for real, I will be discussing the top 15 players a captain should pick up this season. And if you disagree with anything I have to say, please click here . Have a great weekend, everyone.
P.S. If you're looking for a Super Bowl prediction (and if you're not, too late now), "Let's just say that the winner shall be a certain team, from a certain Mid-western town, that starts with a "C", ends with an "O", and in the middle is "HICAG"." Daaaaaaaaaa Bearsssssss!
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