1) So first things first:  Welcome to the shenangahela baseketball league.  How does it feel to be part of the family?

Thank you.  I've heard tales of this subculture of locals for many years, and never thought I'd see the day that I became a part of this league.  The knowledge I had was not extensive by any means.  In fact, until I reviewed the website, listened harder and witnessed part of the draft, I had no idea how deep this rabbit hole went.  To be brief...I'm very excited to get started.  It's an honor to be a part of something fun, that obviously has been proven meaningful and withstood the test of time.

2) Many SBLers have you pegged as the frontunner for rookie of the year.  How do you like your chances?

I'm not a cocky man by any means, and I have no doubt that many of the SBLers are tough competitors.  Because of my background of athleticism, I think I have a decent chance.  I feel that my shooting and taps abilities should prove to make me a strong baseketballer, after some practice.  I worry though, about my strong sense of humor getting in the way occasionally.  But my focus is strong as well.  I am flattered by the compliment from such decorated baseketball athletes.

3) You’re playing under the captainship of Kip Corbett, who is known as one of the more laid-back guys in the league.  Unfortunately, he’s also never been to an sbl championship series, so maybe his style of play isn’t that conducive to winning.  Can you win with Kippy at the helm?

I've known Kippy for quite a few years now, and I believe in his ability to lead.  A good leader listens, and adapts.  What I've seen from him socially, in his more sober states, warrants a confidence in his decision making and competitive spirit.  I like to think that we can pull things together and take some victories.

4) Given your answers to questions 2 and 3, do you even care about winning anything this year?

An athlete should always care about winning.  Fun is fun, but winning is the whole point of competing.  Will I have fun if I don't win?  I sure will.  Do I care about winning?  I sure as hell do!

5) You live in ahouse with a trio of SBL hall of famers.  Does that put any added pressure on you?  Would you like to someday be mentioned in the same breath as Weisberg, Knight and Tomko? I'm really opening myself up here, but my biggest fear as a rookie is not living up to their standards and expectations.  It's like if LeBron James lived with Maravich, Barkley and Jordan.  Much will be expected if I am to enter their realm.  I know that I have years to go before I can golf in a Pro-Am or as you say be mentioned in the same breath.

6) Obviously, since you’re new to this league, you don’t know many people.  Of those you do, who do you see yourself having a rivalry with this summer?

Because of Tomko's competitive spirit and my inability to back down despite my size, I can presume a rivalry of hilarious proportions.  Most likely affecting me professionally as well as personally.  Now I can also forsee some friendship enhancing qualities of rivalry with those that I have not yet met.  I am expressive by nature and will have an innate desire to challenge those around me mentally, so that I can better understand them as human beings.

7) What part of the game of baseketball do you think you’ll shine most in?  Are you hitting for average or going for the longball?  Defense?  Scrumming?

I hope to dominate in the longball and I feel that my defense will be strong.  I am sure that the defense of my contenders will be strong as well.  As far as scrumming goes...jeeze...it's like asking me to party...you won't have to twist my arm to hard to get me goin', but I do fear facial scarring.

8) You’ve only met them on a handful of occasions, but what are your first impressions of Bryan Frankovich and Mikey Moroco?  Gay, right?

We'll have to discuss that on the court.  Besides, after the comments I've heard from certain NBA players lately, I know better than to even speak of it in an interview.  Their individual sexual orientations are their business...not that there's anything wrong with that.

9) Rookies have a tendency to get their comeuppance in week one scrums, and usually end up limping around for the rest of the day.  Are you willing to take a little full SBL beating to prove yourself to the league?

If you know anything about Tony Mastrian, you know that he spent most of his high school basketball career on the floor.  I take a beating when I step out of bed in the morning and fall down.  Even when my flat duck-feet cause me to stub my toes on everything I pass.  If there's one thing I know, it's that pain doesn't bother me, because of the level of anger that wells up within me when I feel pain.  This anger does not cause me to fight, it causes numbness.

10) So you got your first glimpse of Aryn Christman at the SBL draft.  What’d ya think?

Nice girl, we spoke of mud in the driveway and she thanked me for moving my vehicle so that she could leave.  I'm not afraid of her at all.  YET!

11) It has been stated on numerous occasions that this will be the year when alcohol finally becomes as synonymous with baseketball as it was in the movie.  My question is, what do you think would be the best type of booze to be sloshed on while playing and why?

 EASY.  Definately BEER!  Many other alcoholic beverages have qualities that could enhance the baseketball experience, but none more functional and sloppy than beer.  It's so versatile, yet always familiar.

12) In my best estimation, there will be at least three girls who will have significantly better seasons than you this year.  Is your ego strong enough to handle that?  What if I told you two of them would be fresh out of high school?

Because I don't fully understand the game, it peaks my interest to know what you mean by "better seasons".  I'm no stranger to humiliation, in fact I think I'm just about immune to it by now.    I also practice good sportsmanship, proven by my Gus Macker trophies from the past.  So if they have better seasons, I will commend them for their abilities.

BONUS QUESTION:  Out of the housemates of the 960, who is the best drinker?

All of those housed at 960 have attributes that can be seen as amazing drinking qualities.  After Tomko humiliated the kid in the Carhartt jacket in front of his ghetto girlfriend, though he had the support of the housemates, shined through as the best drinking trash talker I've ever seen.  This event has been backed up many times in his beer pong play and his ability to control alcohol related events.