Whoa, whoa, whoa!  Why the hostility on the front page?  I hope nobody took Matt's comments seriously.  Of course the reason why I haven't been to baseketball in a month is because I don't have a car.  If my word isn't enough, I can give you the name and address of the mechanic where my car has been and still is and still will be for another week or two.  It's only about a half hour's drive from the valley, or about a third of the time it has taken me to travel to baseketball on Sundays.  And for you decoders out there, it's code for "My car has been sitting in Bessemer, which is a half hour's drive from the valley, or about a third of the time it has taken me to travel to baseketball on Sundays." 

Now, the original point of this article wasn't to debunk any myths about why I haven't been at baseketball.  If it were, I would remind you that I played in 21 games last year while I was dating her.

No, what I wanted to discuss my possible return date and sum up my feelings on the first half of the season in a series of lists.  A "list of lists", if you will.  If you won't, well here it is anyway.

Most Surprising Things of the Season Thus Far:

• The Laser Cats, and it's how they're winning. Not only do Nate Tomko and Terry Shernisky appear to be the best two players by a wide margin (as you would expect), but the supporting cast is much better than expected.  Timmy Martin with 4 assists?  Bob Spohn with 42 RBIs?  I thought this team would have some weakness, but unless Nate misses time to open up Lubes in far away lands, I don't see any.
• Banana Democracy sitting only two games out of first despite only one player hitting above .381 and none who have appeared in more than two games.
• Mikey Moroco on pace to shatter the psyche out record.  He's almost doubled his career total in just half a season.
• Shelley Goodpastor is back...and it appears as if she's going to be around all season.  Very good news for the SBL, and Terry Hall looks like a genius for picking her up in the second round of the draft.

Biggest Disappointments:

• That myself, Jamie Moroco, Jamie Fabian, and Jon Olsavsky have combined to play in just 10 games.  We all have valid reasons, I'm sure, but it doesn't make it any less disappointing to see four former all stars (including two hall of famers) not show up like they used to.
• Offenses, except for the Laser Cats and Oatcake.  I've seen far too many single digit scores, including two 3-2 contests in a single week.  And three teams in particular (Banana Democracy, Fleshy Funbridges, and Koyoto Kamikazees ) may have historically bad offenses.  I may have to look that up later on in the year.
• 2-8, 5-5.  Those are the records of the two most disappointing teams, the Koyoto Kamikazees and the Queens of the Rest Stop Reacharound.  If I had to choose one, it would be the Queens.   I see no excuse for this team only being .500 at this point of the season, though it was pretty funny when I read about Frankovich accidentally opting to be the away team and then losing the game by way of walk off solo homer.
• Dennis Lackey with two psyche outs?  He's not even hold the Lackey family lead!  And Lenny Crist has three...and he has just as many homers?  I expect more from those two.

Five World All Stars (in no particular order):

1. Bryan Frankovich
2. Mikey Moroco
3. Gavin St. John
4. Matt McClelland
5. Stud Frankovich

Five Sharon All Stars (in no particular order):

1. Nate Tomko
2. Terry Shernisky
3. Katie Kelly
4. Aryn Christman
5. Billy Weisberg

POTY Watch (in a particular order):

1. Nate Tomko
2. Terry Shernisky
3. Nate Tomko
4. Terry Shernisky
5. Nate Tomko (tie)
6. Terry Shernisky(tie)

I think you get the point.

Most Improved Player Watch:

1. Bob Spohn

Teams With the Best Shot of Taking Down the Laser Cats (in a particular order):

1. A really stacked Jukebox squad
   
2. Oatcake Hate Monsters
   
3. The Queens
   
4. Voltron
5. Banana Democracy
6. Koyoto Kamikazees
7. Fleshy Funbridges
8. A regular, run of the mill Jukebox squad

Top Reasons Why the New SBL Site Isn't Finished Yet:

1. I'm lazy
2. Moving to Erie and starting a new job took a lot of my time
3. I need a piece of software that Kip has that I stupidly didn't take when I had the chance, thinking that I would be there next week to get it (little did I know..).  I'll just end up downloading a pirated version and do something with it eventually.
   

Other Random Thoughts:

• I'm really happy with how my team has played, despite poor numbers on the stat sheet.  I was just reading the write up for the Week 4 game against The Queens (and we'll have to find some catchy name for it) and I have to say that it impressed me, especially going against a player who's known for padding his stats.
• I did notice the three way trade from a couple of weeks ago.  It was a sly move by Nate to pick up the one player who he has inexplicably struggled against.  Even if Jon Biddle never shows up, I still noticed this subtle, slick move.  If he does, I think we'll see alley oop attempts every time they have a man on base.  Not to mention the defense.
• For those of you curious about SBL on cable access television, here are some guidelines:  http://www.cattv-erie.org/THAT.htm
  
• And here's how we could get it on CAT in Erie:  http://www.cattv-erie.org/members.htm
• Unfortunately, according to this list, Erie and Pittsburgh are the two closes places we could get baseketball on the air:  http://www.videouniversity.com/pubaccess.shtml#Pennsylvania
• I hope Gavin St. John is still growing a mullet. Perhaps he could be on this list some day: http://www.campussqueeze.com/post/12-Best-Mullets-In-Sports.aspx
• Does anybody have the picture of the Ass Clown Arena hoop after Biddle ripped it down?  I really want that pic for the Facebook group, unless you guys like seeing all that man action.
• And if you're reading this and you haven't joined the SBL Facebook group, what are you waiting for?
  
• I think I owe Kip one (or two) for missing all these games.  And by "one or two", I mean beers.
• As for my return, there was an outside shot of me making it this weekend, and even though the rest of June is up in the air, but I assure you I will be there every week of July and August.  I will even tell Frankovich that I like him if I miss any of those weeks.  That's how serious I am.

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