What a week! God gave us one cruel Valentine's Day present with that blizzard, didn't he? And I bet while all of you were snowed in (and hopefully drinking your faces off like I did), you were longing for Friday so you could read some words of wisdom to get you through such a rough time. Well, instead you have this.
Rumor has is that there might not even be a draft this year. We may do it like last year, or perhaps Mr. Tomko has something else up his sleeve. Hopefully, it's a prayer of being as good as me this year. Chances are, the last column as well as this one, are useless. Oh well.
Before I countdown the top five players, let me mention those who were snubbed from the list of fifteen, because while I don't love you, God still does and that counts for something: Danielle Hennon, Ben Elliot, the Lackeys, and Terry Hall. All of these players should be expected to make positive contributions to their teams this season. I would also expect someone from this list to potentially be an all-star. Ok, onto the top five. Not that it matters. We all know who the real number one is. Me.
5. Shelley Goodpastor: I'm guessing that she's still alive and will choose to play baseketball this year, maybe. I haven't talked to her in a couple months, but last time I did, she mentinoed something about transferring to Akron and maybe getting an internship somewhere during the summer. Let's all hope that she sticks around here. Besides, who doesn't want to see how my team eliminates her team in the playoffs as it has the previous two years. Maybe we'll even both show up for it this time around!
4. Mikey Morocco: He's becoming qutie the force in the SBL. He's been to the finals every year he's been in this league except last yaer. His stats are getting better every year. I don't know if I can point out a single weakness in his game. Hell, we don't even bust his balls for being in love with Frankovich anymore!! I'm sure he's still gay..so I guess he's the John Amaechi of baseketball. Except unilke the real John Amaechi, he doesn't suck.
3. Terry Shernisky: Do any of you remember the Little Mermaid? Like the part where Ariel and the prince are on the boar and all the sea creatures are trying to egg him on to kiss her? Well, imagine if he did...or click here. Good luck trying to win a second-strraight champinoship now, asshole. Terry, the "Prince Eric" of the SBL, and Katie Kelly do make a cute couple though. Ok, I'm full of shit. He's still one of the elite in the SBL. I would expect 30 homers, 120 RBI, and maybe a .600 average. Funny, because that's about what was expected of me last year and that didn't happen. Who's to say that it won't happen here? You're letting us down already, Sherry!
2. Bryan Frankovich: I was just thinking about how I missed a burn on him a couple weeks ago. In the 2004 finals, whose team beat Frankovich's team? Yup, mine. And in the deciding game, who had 4 homers and 8 runs batted in? This guy! Hell, they only had 11 runs that game. I almost outscored them myself! With all of that said, here lies a great player just needing something to get him over the hump so he can be recognized as something other than a good player with gaudy statistics but who has a reputation for not being able to come through when it counts. I guess you can call him the Peyton Manning of the SBL. We all know Peyton finally got his championship in 2007. Will Bryan Frankovich follow suit?
1. Nate Tomko: He's good. With they way he's pretty much dominated this league for its existance, he's like the Rodger Federer or Tiger Woods of the SBL (someone's on with the analogies today). I think the numbers speak for themselves, and there's no reason to expect a drop this yeah. Somebody will simply have to step up and beat him. Most players in the top 10 are capable of doing just that, but have some glaring weakness preventing them from doing so. Until that happens, Tomko is still the man.
Well, that's it for today. A bit lacking, I know, but if it wasn't for the fact that I write these things at work, I wouldn't get paid for this, so hey, get over it. As for next week, I'm not sure what I'll be doing (but I'll do something, I promise). Maybe I'll interview an SBL superstar, and by interview, I mean, send a list of questions to be answered over IM and post the answers on here. Sound good? Of course it does. Keep an eye out for your IMs this coming week, because that superstar could be you. Peace out, bitches!